I am back!
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
I am back!
I have been away for awhile.
My qualifier adult son is spiraling out of control again and with that, I have realized that I am right there with him on my own crazy train! All my tools seem to have gone out the window! Not really that surprising since I have not been using my own program tools.
So I am back to AlAnon and NarAnon meetings trying hard to find my own Serenity and remembering that I did not:Cause, nor Create, and I definitely can not Control my son's behavior.
As I look back on the last three years, I am trying not to kick myself when I see how I was back enabling him after doing so well for so long.
It just really hurts my heart and my stomach to see my child struggling and in total denial. But I REALLY need to not let this control my life. Sigh...
But at least I am back! One step at a time...
Wonder if my old friends are around?
My qualifier adult son is spiraling out of control again and with that, I have realized that I am right there with him on my own crazy train! All my tools seem to have gone out the window! Not really that surprising since I have not been using my own program tools.
So I am back to AlAnon and NarAnon meetings trying hard to find my own Serenity and remembering that I did not:Cause, nor Create, and I definitely can not Control my son's behavior.
As I look back on the last three years, I am trying not to kick myself when I see how I was back enabling him after doing so well for so long.
It just really hurts my heart and my stomach to see my child struggling and in total denial. But I REALLY need to not let this control my life. Sigh...
But at least I am back! One step at a time...
Wonder if my old friends are around?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I cece, I remember you and welcome you back. I know that kicked in the stomach feeling when our sons relapse. It's almost harder after seeing them find some sobriety time. I watched my son for years and years and he still struggles out there somewhere.
You know the drill, it is wise that you connected with meetings again. You may find your perspective has changed this time around and will find some good recovery tools that will help you regain your balance.
You will be okay, I promise, just hang on to your recovery tools and use them wisely.
Hugs
You know the drill, it is wise that you connected with meetings again. You may find your perspective has changed this time around and will find some good recovery tools that will help you regain your balance.
You will be okay, I promise, just hang on to your recovery tools and use them wisely.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 61
Hi CeCe
I’m sorry to hear your son has relapsed. It’s very hard to see our sons in such a state. I now go to CoDa meetings and I’m doing step work to restore my sanity. There’s no other way.... as you say, one day at a time. Let go and let God. I really understand that now after years of being the co-dependent enabler. We only thought we could control them. It never worked.
Draw strength from knowing that other mothers have recovered and trusted their Higher Power. I do. I draw strength from Ann’s wisdom here. It does work and it’s going to work for you again. Work the program CeCe.
Hugs from me too.
I’m sorry to hear your son has relapsed. It’s very hard to see our sons in such a state. I now go to CoDa meetings and I’m doing step work to restore my sanity. There’s no other way.... as you say, one day at a time. Let go and let God. I really understand that now after years of being the co-dependent enabler. We only thought we could control them. It never worked.
Draw strength from knowing that other mothers have recovered and trusted their Higher Power. I do. I draw strength from Ann’s wisdom here. It does work and it’s going to work for you again. Work the program CeCe.
Hugs from me too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hi Cece! So glad you stopped back in! I have to agree with Ann, its so HARD after some good sober time. I am close to a one year reprieve from my crazy train, but it is not without some trepidation and fear I have to keep aware of during any bumps in JJ's road. We are all here for you. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Hugs
TT
Hugs
TT
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi sweetie girl!
I have been gone too, but back again lurking on occasion.
My oldest son NEVER was able to attain, or keep sobriety, and is now in prison for a long stay.
I am refusing all calls, not sending any money. THIS time he's in prison, not a country club.
I've missed you.
Let's work on this together and get ourselves back on the recovery train!
I find this time around I've kind of lost all empathy for my son.
We'll be okay.
I have been gone too, but back again lurking on occasion.
My oldest son NEVER was able to attain, or keep sobriety, and is now in prison for a long stay.
I am refusing all calls, not sending any money. THIS time he's in prison, not a country club.
I've missed you.
Let's work on this together and get ourselves back on the recovery train!
I find this time around I've kind of lost all empathy for my son.
We'll be okay.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
Hi Cece ... good on you for reaching out and picking up where you left of instead of continuing on the rollercoaster. I do not have an addicted child but I can "feel" the pain in your post. Both at him and yourself. Then I got to the end of your post and read your signature line ... remember that faith and keep lookin' up lady!
GM
GM
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Thank You!
Hi Mooselips! And Ann and the rest of you!
I didn't realize how much I have missed you all till comiing back yesterday and reading new and rereading old posts!
Lots of newbies but some of us seasoned ones too!
I must admit it hurts!
I took a sick day today because yesterday was when I found out my son was arrested.. again... Glad he was going to have to see some consequences to his actions . I thought I was doing better this time. For the last two weeks I have been attending my Alanon and NarAnon meetings when I first accepted he was out of control again. And then last night I couldnt sleep at all. Which shows I am far from my Serenity Mode
I recently lost both my parents who were almost 90 and died within months of each other. Adding this to the stress level really challenged me I guess... So I needed a day to regroup, do some self care and get focused. But I cannot let his train wreck derail my work! Its easier said then done, and I must admit I am in a "Fake it Till you Make It" mode. Which will work for now so I am not going to beat myself up!
Love you all!!
I didn't realize how much I have missed you all till comiing back yesterday and reading new and rereading old posts!
Lots of newbies but some of us seasoned ones too!
I must admit it hurts!
I took a sick day today because yesterday was when I found out my son was arrested.. again... Glad he was going to have to see some consequences to his actions . I thought I was doing better this time. For the last two weeks I have been attending my Alanon and NarAnon meetings when I first accepted he was out of control again. And then last night I couldnt sleep at all. Which shows I am far from my Serenity Mode
I recently lost both my parents who were almost 90 and died within months of each other. Adding this to the stress level really challenged me I guess... So I needed a day to regroup, do some self care and get focused. But I cannot let his train wreck derail my work! Its easier said then done, and I must admit I am in a "Fake it Till you Make It" mode. Which will work for now so I am not going to beat myself up!
Love you all!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
So good to see you! I'm sorry for what you are going through, and can identify with it.
I've managed to distance myself in more ways than one from my oldest AD, but am now struggling with my youngest AD.
It is so easy to slip back into old behaviors and attitudes, I know. I completely blew my lid the other day and the only thing it accomplished was make me feel bad about myself.
Glad you're picking the tools back up, and warm hugs from Kansas!
I've managed to distance myself in more ways than one from my oldest AD, but am now struggling with my youngest AD.
It is so easy to slip back into old behaviors and attitudes, I know. I completely blew my lid the other day and the only thing it accomplished was make me feel bad about myself.
Glad you're picking the tools back up, and warm hugs from Kansas!
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