Need advice on divorce/ drug testing requests
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 29
Need advice on divorce/ drug testing requests
With an upcoming trial date set for next Tuesday, my STBXAH is finally trying to come to an agreement with me. He has agreed to quarterly hair tests x 1 year, supervised visitation until 2 consecutive clean tests. My concern is how do I ensure my kids’ safety after that first year? He agreed to one hair test per year upon my request. Do you think this is enough? Fair? Any other suggestions? He is being pretty agreeable to most of my financial requests & I know I run the risk of losing on some things, too, if we go to trial.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I want to make sure I'm following this correctly-
So he agreed to quarterly hair tests for one year, and he must pass two in a row before he gets unsupervised, correct?
Then after that you can test him once a year, and if he fails a test it goes back to supervised, correct? If so, then what? You go back to quarterly testing and he must pass two in a row?
If I'm understanding correctly, then this is one heck of a deal. The only thing I would suggest is that he gradually get more visitation once he proves sobriety. For example, if my ex can pass a hair test (one freaking hair test- man, your deal does sound good) he will get unsupervised visitation every other weekend for 8 hours Saturday and Sunday for two months, then if sobriety continues, he'll have them every single weekend (now that is freaking BS and I'm pissed about it- I never agreed to that, but that's another story) for two months, then if sobriety has continued we go back to original 50/50 arrangement.
So my agreement pretty much sucks BUT what is good about it is that it works in a graduated manner. I think this is good for reasons beyond safety- it also gives him and the kids a chance to readjust.
Many blessings.
So he agreed to quarterly hair tests for one year, and he must pass two in a row before he gets unsupervised, correct?
Then after that you can test him once a year, and if he fails a test it goes back to supervised, correct? If so, then what? You go back to quarterly testing and he must pass two in a row?
If I'm understanding correctly, then this is one heck of a deal. The only thing I would suggest is that he gradually get more visitation once he proves sobriety. For example, if my ex can pass a hair test (one freaking hair test- man, your deal does sound good) he will get unsupervised visitation every other weekend for 8 hours Saturday and Sunday for two months, then if sobriety continues, he'll have them every single weekend (now that is freaking BS and I'm pissed about it- I never agreed to that, but that's another story) for two months, then if sobriety has continued we go back to original 50/50 arrangement.
So my agreement pretty much sucks BUT what is good about it is that it works in a graduated manner. I think this is good for reasons beyond safety- it also gives him and the kids a chance to readjust.
Many blessings.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
I want to make sure I'm following this correctly-
So he agreed to quarterly hair tests for one year, and he must pass two in a row before he gets unsupervised, correct?
Then after that you can test him once a year, and if he fails a test it goes back to supervised, correct? If so, then what? You go back to quarterly testing and he must pass two in a row?
If I'm understanding correctly, then this is one heck of a deal. The only thing I would suggest is that he gradually get more visitation once he proves sobriety. For example, if my ex can pass a hair test (one freaking hair test- man, your deal does sound good) he will get unsupervised visitation every other weekend for 8 hours Saturday and Sunday for two months, then if sobriety continues, he'll have them every single weekend (now that is freaking BS and I'm pissed about it- I never agreed to that, but that's another story) for two months, then if sobriety has continued we go back to original 50/50 arrangement.
So my agreement pretty much sucks BUT what is good about it is that it works in a graduated manner. I think this is good for reasons beyond safety- it also gives him and the kids a chance to readjust.
Many blessings.
So he agreed to quarterly hair tests for one year, and he must pass two in a row before he gets unsupervised, correct?
Then after that you can test him once a year, and if he fails a test it goes back to supervised, correct? If so, then what? You go back to quarterly testing and he must pass two in a row?
If I'm understanding correctly, then this is one heck of a deal. The only thing I would suggest is that he gradually get more visitation once he proves sobriety. For example, if my ex can pass a hair test (one freaking hair test- man, your deal does sound good) he will get unsupervised visitation every other weekend for 8 hours Saturday and Sunday for two months, then if sobriety continues, he'll have them every single weekend (now that is freaking BS and I'm pissed about it- I never agreed to that, but that's another story) for two months, then if sobriety has continued we go back to original 50/50 arrangement.
So my agreement pretty much sucks BUT what is good about it is that it works in a graduated manner. I think this is good for reasons beyond safety- it also gives him and the kids a chance to readjust.
Many blessings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
In my experience, courts are dangerously uninformed regarding addiction. Even though mediation went pretty great for me this time around, and the mediator stated in his report that ex was a danger to the kids and shouldn't have them unsupervised, he REALLY scoffed when I said I wanted ex to be sober for six months first. I was surprised by that, because- HELLO- meth has an incredibly high relapse rate. Then as months went by and my saga continued, I proposed 3 months sobriety to my lawyer and she said I would never get that. She said the rule is one negative test. I don't know if she was right about that. But the good news is hair follicles go back 3 months, and since your ex is required to pass two you get 6. Which I still think should be the bare minimum legal requirement (come on, family court reform!)
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
It sounds like you've thought this through fairly well so far. Who is responsible to pay for the hair tests? I liked having the ability to request random UA's, if that is possible for you. Gradual increased unsupervised visitations with clean tests is not unreasonable. It is in your children's best interest. Iron clad consequences for a failed test will be instrumental in protecting the children. Also, if he tested positive during a period when he unsupervised visitation what would happen? One hair test for the second year does not sound like enough to me ... if you get that far.
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