16 years at SR Has Taught Me A Few Things
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
16 years at SR Has Taught Me A Few Things
I realized that it's 16 years today since I got off the crazy train at a place called Soberrecovery. I had never been on a message board and landed here by accident, or an act of God, but I remember how relieved I was to finally find a place where people understood me and where I could share my fears, my sadness, my exhaustion and my joy too, after years of trying to save my addicted son from himself and his addiction.
Now, 16 years later he is still lost in his addiction somewhere, I know not where, but he knows we love him and pray for him each day so for now, that is enough....maybe it's everything.
But I'm here today to share about me, about my recovery and a few things I have learned along the way.
I learned that I cannot control anyone else or protect them from their choices...however poor they may be.
I learned that all the detective work in the world would only prove to me what I already knew and that confronting my son with my findings would never change a thing with him and it would eat at my soul so I was better off to turn in my badge and just let my instinct guide me.
I learned that all the tears, pleading, threatening, manipulating, and desperate measures could not save that which was not mine to save, my own son. I couldn't buy his recovery or shame him into it. Shame on me for trying to control another life.
I learned what I say here often, "all the love in the world cannot save our addicted loved ones if they don't want to be saved. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here."
I learned that I could turn into a desperate and crazy mother, driving through neighbourhoods no mama ought drive through, threatening to kick down a crack house door if my son did not come out (my personal bottom)...and that insanity wasn't for just the addicted, it was for those obsessed with the addiction of another too.
But...
I learned that I didn't have to die with my son, that I could find my own recovery and save myself from the dark hell that I called my life.
I learned that meetings were not a bit scary and that from the moment I walked into the rooms, I was among friends who already knew me even though we had never met. I learned to choose a sponsor who would share her light and guide me through 12 steps that would change my life forever.
I learned to live again, and it was when I arrived at SR that I learned to laugh again too, something I had not done in an awfully long time. I could laugh at myself and my situation and the craziness of it all. I learned to cry with them too, as we shared our pain and, sadly, too many losses. I lit a candle for every loved one here that ever died in their disease, and another for all who loved them. I still do.
I learned that people may come and go, but those who were an important part of my life will live in my heart and my prayers forever.
I learned that some members here, who were important to me and instrumental to my own recovery, would die...and it would hurt terribly...and I would never forget the lessons they brought to me. Trish, CarolD, Dan, Vic/Lucky...and more, touched my heart and they will never be forgotten.
I learned that God can do for me, and for my son, what I cannot. The candle of Faith burns in my heart, right next to the candles of Hope and Love. I was mad at God for such a long time, then confused by how my life could be so messed up if God was watching over me.
I learned that God gave me choices, and the more spiritual choices I made, the better my life became. Funny how God works sometimes. I learned that he gave me tools to handle the bad days and sunshine, rainbows and lots and lots of nature to brighten the good days.
And I learned that my friends here walk with me on this journey, they love me warts and all, and I am blessed and grateful for each and every one.
I have never been good at "short versions", but the short version of all this is "stick around, open your mind and learn, and step out of the problem (someone else's addiction) and into the solution (your own recovery)...and I promise you that life WILL get better. It already is because you are here.
I love you all, thank you for sharing your light with me over the years and helping me hold the light for the newcomers as they walk through the door...exhausted, sad and confused...as we all were...as I was, 16 years ago today.
Now, 16 years later he is still lost in his addiction somewhere, I know not where, but he knows we love him and pray for him each day so for now, that is enough....maybe it's everything.
But I'm here today to share about me, about my recovery and a few things I have learned along the way.
I learned that I cannot control anyone else or protect them from their choices...however poor they may be.
I learned that all the detective work in the world would only prove to me what I already knew and that confronting my son with my findings would never change a thing with him and it would eat at my soul so I was better off to turn in my badge and just let my instinct guide me.
I learned that all the tears, pleading, threatening, manipulating, and desperate measures could not save that which was not mine to save, my own son. I couldn't buy his recovery or shame him into it. Shame on me for trying to control another life.
I learned what I say here often, "all the love in the world cannot save our addicted loved ones if they don't want to be saved. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here."
I learned that I could turn into a desperate and crazy mother, driving through neighbourhoods no mama ought drive through, threatening to kick down a crack house door if my son did not come out (my personal bottom)...and that insanity wasn't for just the addicted, it was for those obsessed with the addiction of another too.
But...
I learned that I didn't have to die with my son, that I could find my own recovery and save myself from the dark hell that I called my life.
I learned that meetings were not a bit scary and that from the moment I walked into the rooms, I was among friends who already knew me even though we had never met. I learned to choose a sponsor who would share her light and guide me through 12 steps that would change my life forever.
I learned to live again, and it was when I arrived at SR that I learned to laugh again too, something I had not done in an awfully long time. I could laugh at myself and my situation and the craziness of it all. I learned to cry with them too, as we shared our pain and, sadly, too many losses. I lit a candle for every loved one here that ever died in their disease, and another for all who loved them. I still do.
I learned that people may come and go, but those who were an important part of my life will live in my heart and my prayers forever.
I learned that some members here, who were important to me and instrumental to my own recovery, would die...and it would hurt terribly...and I would never forget the lessons they brought to me. Trish, CarolD, Dan, Vic/Lucky...and more, touched my heart and they will never be forgotten.
I learned that God can do for me, and for my son, what I cannot. The candle of Faith burns in my heart, right next to the candles of Hope and Love. I was mad at God for such a long time, then confused by how my life could be so messed up if God was watching over me.
I learned that God gave me choices, and the more spiritual choices I made, the better my life became. Funny how God works sometimes. I learned that he gave me tools to handle the bad days and sunshine, rainbows and lots and lots of nature to brighten the good days.
And I learned that my friends here walk with me on this journey, they love me warts and all, and I am blessed and grateful for each and every one.
I have never been good at "short versions", but the short version of all this is "stick around, open your mind and learn, and step out of the problem (someone else's addiction) and into the solution (your own recovery)...and I promise you that life WILL get better. It already is because you are here.
I love you all, thank you for sharing your light with me over the years and helping me hold the light for the newcomers as they walk through the door...exhausted, sad and confused...as we all were...as I was, 16 years ago today.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
My dear friend, Ann. What a fantastic (and tear inducing) post. Many years ago, before I ended up in my own drinking hell, I was trying to cope with my husband's addiction. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing - I was the classic Enabler. I see that much too late. What it would have meant to have this place (and people like you) to turn to! Things might have turned out differently - but even if they hadn't - at least I wouldn't have felt so desperately alone.
Our daily sharing here has meant all the world to me. I am so grateful for you, and SR.
Our daily sharing here has meant all the world to me. I am so grateful for you, and SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
Beautiful post, Ann! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your shares here on SR. In my darkest times, even before I was too afraid to join and even after I joined and was to afraid to post, your words to others in my situation helped me more than I could ever express to you.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Awww, you all are so kind and I am so grateful to have been able to meet people from all over the world, in all sorts of situations, and walk together on this journey.
Hev, none of us would be here but for our past, and SR is one of those strangely wrapped gifts that come to each of us in times of despair. Our past is best left behind us, we can't change a moment of it, and it's how we live today, and how we tend to our soul and our hearts, that will lead us all to better tomorrows.
Anvilhead, you have been such a huge inspiration to me, you tell it like it is and shoot straight from the hip, but those are bullets of love and wisdom and I treasure every one.
Golfreggie and GM, I often forget about the people I don't see...the newcomers hanging out at the door waiting to come in. I am so glad you entered and it is a good reminder to me to make sure that door is open and the welcome mat is out every day.
Atalose, you have helped me every bit as much as I have you. Sometimes I check threads that I might have overlooked and your words are always so warm and wise. Thank you for sharing your lovely light here too.
Leigh, we have walked together a long time now and even though we may have arrived here at SR on two different paths, the path of recovery is never for one group or another, it's a path we make ourselves, walking together toward to same light of wisdom and kindness and joy.
Now where did I put the tissues? Dang it Hev, did you use them all to wipe up your exploding bananas? (don't ask...it ain't pretty and that's all I'm going to say about that).
Hev, none of us would be here but for our past, and SR is one of those strangely wrapped gifts that come to each of us in times of despair. Our past is best left behind us, we can't change a moment of it, and it's how we live today, and how we tend to our soul and our hearts, that will lead us all to better tomorrows.
Anvilhead, you have been such a huge inspiration to me, you tell it like it is and shoot straight from the hip, but those are bullets of love and wisdom and I treasure every one.
Golfreggie and GM, I often forget about the people I don't see...the newcomers hanging out at the door waiting to come in. I am so glad you entered and it is a good reminder to me to make sure that door is open and the welcome mat is out every day.
Atalose, you have helped me every bit as much as I have you. Sometimes I check threads that I might have overlooked and your words are always so warm and wise. Thank you for sharing your lovely light here too.
Leigh, we have walked together a long time now and even though we may have arrived here at SR on two different paths, the path of recovery is never for one group or another, it's a path we make ourselves, walking together toward to same light of wisdom and kindness and joy.
Now where did I put the tissues? Dang it Hev, did you use them all to wipe up your exploding bananas? (don't ask...it ain't pretty and that's all I'm going to say about that).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
A share full of dignity and Grace, Ann. You are a sincere and wonderful human. Other humans can learn from your example. What prayers I have this day are for your son and you and your family. There is nothing I can offer....
Basically as you have shown, life will go on regardless. We can either choose our own way- or get carried away in it's current.
You truly are a blessing to have about.
Do you really have warts?? (haha?)
Basically as you have shown, life will go on regardless. We can either choose our own way- or get carried away in it's current.
You truly are a blessing to have about.
Do you really have warts?? (haha?)
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Deedee, you have been here even longer than I have and we've been through a lot together, I am grateful for your support and friendship along the way,
Least, I love you too dear friend. You are always here for me, as I am for you and your friendship is precious to me.
PJ, your recovery shines and your humour makes my heart smile. Your courage inspires us all. Warts are optional.
Dee, you have always stood by me, through some shaky times and I am so very grateful for your friendship and support. You give so much to SR and are a big part of the magic that keeps us all coming back.
I came for recovery, to find my balance and get on with my life. I had no idea then that the people here would become "family" to me and that SR would become an important part of my life every day.
Thank you to the admins here, Morning Glory, Anna and Greeteachday, and to the owners and support behind the scenes that keep this place up and running every day.
And a special thanks to each and every newcomer that walks through the door. It is you who keeps our recovery flowing, from those who went before us, to us, to you who just arrived. Thank you all.
Least, I love you too dear friend. You are always here for me, as I am for you and your friendship is precious to me.
PJ, your recovery shines and your humour makes my heart smile. Your courage inspires us all. Warts are optional.
Dee, you have always stood by me, through some shaky times and I am so very grateful for your friendship and support. You give so much to SR and are a big part of the magic that keeps us all coming back.
I came for recovery, to find my balance and get on with my life. I had no idea then that the people here would become "family" to me and that SR would become an important part of my life every day.
Thank you to the admins here, Morning Glory, Anna and Greeteachday, and to the owners and support behind the scenes that keep this place up and running every day.
And a special thanks to each and every newcomer that walks through the door. It is you who keeps our recovery flowing, from those who went before us, to us, to you who just arrived. Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
((Ann)) I can't thank you enough for sharing your love and light daily. SR was truly blessed the day you joined.
Your posts have lightened many souls, mine included. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!
Your posts have lightened many souls, mine included. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
((((Ann)))) What can I say except....I would have never of made it without your love, support and guidance. You have made me laugh and smile during my darkest days...which were very, very dark! For that, I thank you with all my heart! You are truly such a blessing to so many of us who arrive here so lost, so broken and so very confused! Love you my friend and thank you always! Grasshopper
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Ann: I took the liberty of copying and pasting this from Wikipedia:
"Anne, alternatively spelled Ann, is a form of the Latin female given name Anna. This in turn is a representation of the Hebrew Hannah which means Favor or Grace, also means Prayer, means God has favored me, the name of the mother of the prophet Samuel."
Best wishes to you, one of the many wonderful people, who has cared and shared so much here at SR. You're the best.
Praying for you and your family.
"Anne, alternatively spelled Ann, is a form of the Latin female given name Anna. This in turn is a representation of the Hebrew Hannah which means Favor or Grace, also means Prayer, means God has favored me, the name of the mother of the prophet Samuel."
Best wishes to you, one of the many wonderful people, who has cared and shared so much here at SR. You're the best.
Praying for you and your family.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Chic and Opi, you are gentle souls who have brought me much peace when I needed it here...and smiles...and good old fashioned chorckles. I love you both dearly. 
Anaya, that is lovely, thank you for the kind words. I hope I can live up to the name.
PJ...yes you do. *snork*
Lovemenow aka Grasshopper, I was just "winging" it when you can here, limping and exhausted, lol. Man oh man, you had so many hard questions that I couldn't answer....so I made the answers up sometimes...but it got the same message through. You are truly my "sister" in recovery and papa would be proud.
Dang, I am on the run this morningm but I am truly touched by the warmth here, and am glad you all are an important part of my life.
Anaya, that is lovely, thank you for the kind words. I hope I can live up to the name.
PJ...yes you do. *snork*
Lovemenow aka Grasshopper, I was just "winging" it when you can here, limping and exhausted, lol. Man oh man, you had so many hard questions that I couldn't answer....so I made the answers up sometimes...but it got the same message through. You are truly my "sister" in recovery and papa would be proud.
Dang, I am on the run this morningm but I am truly touched by the warmth here, and am glad you all are an important part of my life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
