zoso77

One more thing.

Try not to be afraid. Yes, cutting someone that we care about out of our lives sucks. And no one ever said that doing the right thing by ourselves was ever easy or without pain. So this is when you find out what you're made of.

Do what's best for you. Hold firm. Then hunker down and ride out the storm. You'll be OK, in time.

Gm0824

Long answer: No new contact equals no new pain, friend. Zoso is right. Receiving these messages from him is not healthy for you. For him, the messages are accomplishing exactly what he wants, to keep you confused and second guessing yourself. If it where me, I might send him a short response (especially since a few days ago on the phone you stated your intentions of following through with the divorce) that you will be blocking his number and any/all necessary communication regarding the divorce can be sent through the attorneys. Maybe see if you can have something in your decree about these harassing texts/calls that prohibit him from doing so. Not sure where you live, perhaps ask your attorney what law is about how many texts/calls per day equal harassment where you live. Even then it will only be a piece of paper, but could benefit you if he amps up his games with you after your divorce is finalized.

Short answer to your question: He is doing these things because he is sick.

teatreeoil007

Kan,
I agree with the others: block him. And don't look at his face/fake book. People can post all sorts of things on face book to create an image....You don't need to see pictures of him and his woman; it does you no good, hon. Also, try to establish no contact via third parties except for what's needful through your attorney.

Kan

Teatreeoil and Gm0824 and zoso77 I appreciate all of your advice. I sure need all the help that I can get. This is indeed difficult but I can and will get through it.

Gm0824

Yes you will Kan! Big hugs, keep us posted on how you are getting a long or if you are having a difficult day.

Kan

Thank you, Gm0824. You all will never know how much you have helped me thus far. This forum is a life saver because so many people do not understand the struggle and they want to offer advice but they do not have a clue about it. They mean well but it is hard for them to understand if they haven't experienced it. You all have gave me great understanding and showed me that I will get through it. Thank you again.

Kan

Things have gotten crazy since I last posted. He started out texting which I have not replied to and telling me how sorry he was about hurting me. The texting increased the next day due to us still having a joint checking account that has to remain open until our divorce. I have my money in a separate account.He receives a VA check that he claims me and our son on to receive more money. We have split this check from the time he left due to my lawyer stating that I had as much right to it as him. My husband had no problems with this since he had not been helping with our son. Until this month. He continued to text and proceeded to try to call me while I was at a friend's retirement party to which I refused to answer him. While I am headed home my daughter in law of our oldest son calls me and asked where I was at, I told her and asked why? She tells me that my husband and his crazy addict girlfriend parked across the road and he comes into the house while my niece is there by herself telling her that he wants his MF money and where was I at? My niece stated she did not know maybe cleaning the church to which they leave and head up there to find me. I received 40 text messages from that Friday to Sunday stating that he wanted the money, etc. I proceeded to go down Friday and file a protective order on him for me and my son. I also filed charges for busting into my house. He received the order and texted our middle son and told him that he wanted to work things out with me and fix our marriage because his addict girlfriend had left him, needless to say our son ignored him as well. He stated that he was fixing to lose his place because he was behind on rent but denied acting the way he did to my niece. Methamphetamine and mental issues are awful. They completely change the person you thought you knew. Any advice is appreciated. I am waiting on the divorce but why is it that I still love him in spite of all that he has done to me? Do they ever change?

Hechosedrugs

Sunk costs.

You invested so much in this man. Of course you want to believe that there's still a chance that things could work out. But he's showing you he's so very sick. Really quite dangerous. And to tell your son that he wants to get back with you because his addict girlfriend left him? How awful! How freaking awful.

My ex husband is also a meth addict and is diagnosed with many mental issues. He has put me through hell. I had to really fight my tendency to want to believe him. This made my divorce so difficult, because it wasn't what I wanted at all. I was doing it for two reasons alone:
1) I knew my children deserved better
2) I risked losing my family (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins had HAD it with him)

For about a year I really struggled with my decision. But now I look at how he's living his life and I can't believe this is the man I thought I knew or wanted to be with.

Keep pushing on. You have to break through the fog and that takes time.

Kan

Hechosedrugs, you read my mind about fighting the urge to want to believe him, He says this stuff but a couple days after is still with the addict girlfriend. I also do not like being option number two. My family as yours was is done with him. My sons tell me often that I deserve so much more than this and that there are people out there that will put me first and not second. Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate you so much.

Gm0824

This sounds horrible Kan. You CANNOT trust his words. You CAN trust his actions. He is willing to break into your house. Harass and threaten you and your family. None of his behaviors are justified because of the situations he has put himself in. Hugs, friend.

atalose

I think if you characterize people by their actions you will never be fooled by their words.

His actions say, still using drugs and desperately needs money. His words say he’s willing to say just about anything in order to eventually get money for his drugs.

Very smart to have gotten a protective order. His operating with no impulse control and will probably become more desperate and threatening. If I were you I’d have a family meeting with your children, niece, neighbors, co-workers, etc. and let them all know you have a protective order against him and that none of them should engage him at all. And if he attempts to call you or come by your house, work or anywhere else you may be – call the police right away.

And it’s ok to love someone we can no longer have in our lives.