OT4Kids

I have been posting on Friends and Family of Alcoholics off and on for a long time now. I have since learned that my "fiancee" is also using drugs.

I am seeing a psychiatrist for meds for depression and have been seeing a therapist from the abused persons program for months.

I have to get ready to go to work now which is challenging because I am so upset and anxious. So, I am unable to tell my whole story now but you can find it by looking for my earlier posts under OT4Kids.

He has recently stolen almost all of my money as well as my second car. How do any of you who have been in a similar situation recover from this?

I will write more later when I can.

I hope you are all doing well and have been taking care of yourselves.

Thank you for being a life line for me.

Ann

I am glad that you have a job, it's a good start to rebuilding your savings and independence.

Active addicts steal...often...anything, no matter how precious. Open your own bank account and hide your bank card someplace very very safe, active addicts are cunning and figure out our hiding places easily. Hide your medications because he will steal those to, to use or to sell for his drug of choice.

As I type this, I remember you said he is abusive. Abuse is never okay. It might be a good idea to get your own place safely away from him and his abuse. And if you choose to leave, have someone with you when you go. It's a dangerous time and you may need responsible backup.

If you have children, they are safer and usually happier with one parent, please keep them safe from this man....and his drugs.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Hugs

OpheliaKatz

I will tell you that never in a billion years did I think my spouse would steal from me but he did. I lost thousands of dollars, and twice in as many months did the entire contents of my bank account mysteriously disappear when I was still living with him. I got him to admit having spent all the money in our joint account... but to this day, I still have no idea what happened to the money in my personal bank account. The bank said that maybe my card was "hacked", but I changed my card and the same thing happened. I can only conclude that someone who knew my card number used it secretly.

The lies and betrayal are just the beginning of the abuse, in my opinion. Yes, I realize that people frequently say that not every addict is a liar, but I think it's because not every addict is so deep into their addiction that they will do anything, steal, lie, sell their friends and family, sell a kidney, to keep their addiction going. I think that by the time you have to hide your bank card and your jewelry and electronics, you're dealing with a situation that has the potential to become dangerous, either because the addict is involved in desperate accidents or desperate acts of pure selfishness (and this is where you have a combination of addiction and some negative personality trait that comes out under stress). Whatever the reason, it really doesn't matter, you want to keep your kids away from the addiction, if you have kids. You also want to keep yourself healthy by protecting yourself.

If I were you, I would initiate no contact immediately. You can earn back the money you lost. But you can't get your time back. Please change all your passwords, bank details (you may need to close accounts and open new ones), I don't know if you want to report your car stolen or not as that might escalate things... is he likely to return it? If you are going to do that and he's also abusive, you are going to need a restraining order. I say this because even if he's never been physically violent, it only takes a man to be violent ONCE to accidentally (or purposely) kill a woman. I say "man", because the majority of women who are killed are killed by a spouse/partner or ex-spouse/ex-partner; I'm sorry I don't remember the exact source of that statistic but I am also attending a domestic violence service, so maybe I got it there...?

I am sorry for what you are experiencing. Better sit down and make a list of all the things you have to do to ensure your security... because it's going to be a long list. If you live together and the laws in your area state that he can have any claim to your things, you need to talk to a lawyer, maybe even change your will (or write one).

Things are crazy near the end of the year. For friends and families of addicts, it's even crazier than what most other people tolerate. The stuff addicts put their friends and family through... (not trying to insult anyone who's in recovery here), but it's almost borderline psychopathic, the level of selfishness is psychopathic -- and all to feed something that is going to eventually kill them if they don't stop. I hate addiction.