I hate his freaking guts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I hate his freaking guts
Honestly I am so freaking angry at my "boyfriend". We are having a kid together in 5 months. He got high over the summer (and probably for longer but only admitted to over the summer) he spent ALL his money and is STILL playing catch up.
He was late on rent this month bc he had to buy a plane ticket home (um sorry bro not a priority, your a$$ got high so if that means you don't get to go home for xmas NOT MY FREAKIN PROBLEM)
He moved his broke @ss into my apartment, like litterally was just like oh yeah lol I got fired at my sober living house so I'm living here now. This was not planned and he did not in any way contribute to move in costs
He just now finally paid the rest of the rent on Friday and part of my doctor bill (which I've been covering). He eats my freaking food, sleeps on my freaking furniture that I'm still paying for, uses MY car and yet still can't come up with his half of the rent the majority of the time. Which like if you haven't gotten high since July then where the hell is all your money going?
I drug tested him and he passed but I still don't believe he isn't using. He's a freaking child whining about how if I go back to live with my parents, which I don't even want to do, that he won't get to be a "part of the last month of pregnancy" yeah well if you can't support me now how the hell do you think you're gonna support me when I have a baby. Like he couldn't even buy real trash bags last week like I asked. He had to buy the ****** dollar store ones that break while I'm expected to go out and buy the good ones. Is this how it's gonna be when our baby needs diapers and rash cream and medicine and ****? Oh babe you get this one I gotta wait till I get paid.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thanks for letting me vent.
He was late on rent this month bc he had to buy a plane ticket home (um sorry bro not a priority, your a$$ got high so if that means you don't get to go home for xmas NOT MY FREAKIN PROBLEM)
He moved his broke @ss into my apartment, like litterally was just like oh yeah lol I got fired at my sober living house so I'm living here now. This was not planned and he did not in any way contribute to move in costs
He just now finally paid the rest of the rent on Friday and part of my doctor bill (which I've been covering). He eats my freaking food, sleeps on my freaking furniture that I'm still paying for, uses MY car and yet still can't come up with his half of the rent the majority of the time. Which like if you haven't gotten high since July then where the hell is all your money going?
I drug tested him and he passed but I still don't believe he isn't using. He's a freaking child whining about how if I go back to live with my parents, which I don't even want to do, that he won't get to be a "part of the last month of pregnancy" yeah well if you can't support me now how the hell do you think you're gonna support me when I have a baby. Like he couldn't even buy real trash bags last week like I asked. He had to buy the ****** dollar store ones that break while I'm expected to go out and buy the good ones. Is this how it's gonna be when our baby needs diapers and rash cream and medicine and ****? Oh babe you get this one I gotta wait till I get paid.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thanks for letting me vent.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
Glad you could vent, hope it’s helped to get it off your chest a bit. Seems like typical addict behaviour, lack of responsibility and everyone else is to pick up the slack. I’ve got a 14 week old baby with my addict and he’s currently got wasted countless times since he was born and the majority of my pregnancy. He swore this baby was his reason to clean up but nope. So I kicked him out for good.
You will find when your baby is here the things that **** you off now will **** you a million times more and your priorities totally change.
You don’t even care about playing the “is he high” or “has he been getting high” game anymore as you have better things to be doing. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth
You will find when your baby is here the things that **** you off now will **** you a million times more and your priorities totally change.
You don’t even care about playing the “is he high” or “has he been getting high” game anymore as you have better things to be doing. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Fenway.
Breathe, okay?
What do you want to do?
Don’t think he is pursuing sobriety, let alone full recovery, very hard.
Do you want him in your life?
Do you feel he would be a responsible partner and father?
Cuz he sure don’t sound it.
I would say that if you can afford to live by yourself, and it kinda sounds like you can’t, do so.
Otherwise, you need to try to get some support, monetary and in all other ways, from your manchild.
I don’t know how that can happen.
No job or prospect, probably using, and, btw, sounding pretty damn entitled.
How about making a plan that can help you support yourself and your child.
Can you get supplemental benefits?
How about a roommate, one that pays her half.
Just throwing these things out.
Peace.
Breathe, okay?
What do you want to do?
Don’t think he is pursuing sobriety, let alone full recovery, very hard.
Do you want him in your life?
Do you feel he would be a responsible partner and father?
Cuz he sure don’t sound it.
I would say that if you can afford to live by yourself, and it kinda sounds like you can’t, do so.
Otherwise, you need to try to get some support, monetary and in all other ways, from your manchild.
I don’t know how that can happen.
No job or prospect, probably using, and, btw, sounding pretty damn entitled.
How about making a plan that can help you support yourself and your child.
Can you get supplemental benefits?
How about a roommate, one that pays her half.
Just throwing these things out.
Peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I am feeling calmer now I just had to get that all off my chest
Lots of pent up frustration and the hormones don’t help.
I’ve been trying to practice some meditation but it’s hard.
I am waiting until after the holidays to ask him to move out. I am afraid I will chicken out tho. Not because I love him, I don’t, like at all, but because I pity him and am a people please and don’t like confrontation
He does work but as to where his money from that job is going, I couldn’t tell ya. 50 percent of his income goes to rent/utilities, as does 50 percent of money yet I have money to spare af the end of each month where he does not.
I could find a sober roommate issue is it’s a one bedroom, he sleeps on the couch, so it would have to be someone that doesn’t mind sleeping in living room. I could change less for that. Right now it’s split down the middle
Also my parents are willing to help me with half the rent each month if I ask him to move out. I just can’t seem to put my pride aside at age 29 and accept their help.
Anyway I know my priorities will change once baby comes. The only thing keeping me in Florida is my job that I love, and my complicated relationship with my parents but mostly the job.
But like poster said baby will become most important priority once he is here.
Again guys sorry If I seemed a little dramatic I’m not typically that emotional it’s the hormones and pent up frustration.
Lots of pent up frustration and the hormones don’t help.
I’ve been trying to practice some meditation but it’s hard.
I am waiting until after the holidays to ask him to move out. I am afraid I will chicken out tho. Not because I love him, I don’t, like at all, but because I pity him and am a people please and don’t like confrontation
He does work but as to where his money from that job is going, I couldn’t tell ya. 50 percent of his income goes to rent/utilities, as does 50 percent of money yet I have money to spare af the end of each month where he does not.
I could find a sober roommate issue is it’s a one bedroom, he sleeps on the couch, so it would have to be someone that doesn’t mind sleeping in living room. I could change less for that. Right now it’s split down the middle
Also my parents are willing to help me with half the rent each month if I ask him to move out. I just can’t seem to put my pride aside at age 29 and accept their help.
Anyway I know my priorities will change once baby comes. The only thing keeping me in Florida is my job that I love, and my complicated relationship with my parents but mostly the job.
But like poster said baby will become most important priority once he is here.
Again guys sorry If I seemed a little dramatic I’m not typically that emotional it’s the hormones and pent up frustration.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Please don’t apologize! Your emotions are completely valid and understandable.
I wonder if maybe another single mom might be an option as a roommate?
It sounds like he’s a bad roommate and a worse boyfriend and he got kicked out of sober living for a reason.
Sending you strength and a hug.
I wonder if maybe another single mom might be an option as a roommate?
It sounds like he’s a bad roommate and a worse boyfriend and he got kicked out of sober living for a reason.
Sending you strength and a hug.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I just can’t seem to put my pride aside at age 29 and accept their help.
and if it was just YOU.....go ahead and cling to that pride.
but this isn't about just YOU anymore.....the world gets a brand new human in just a few months.......a tiny defenseless human that relies on others for EVERYTHING.....the child's utter survival depends on YOU. those are the rules...parents protect and raise their offspring to be as healthy and self sufficient and prepared for life as possible.
and if it was just YOU.....go ahead and cling to that pride.
but this isn't about just YOU anymore.....the world gets a brand new human in just a few months.......a tiny defenseless human that relies on others for EVERYTHING.....the child's utter survival depends on YOU. those are the rules...parents protect and raise their offspring to be as healthy and self sufficient and prepared for life as possible.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
ff,
I am sorry, your boyfriend sounds like a typical self centered addict. I think your parents understand the responsibility that you are going to have as a single parent. Please put things aside and ask for help, you will need it. Boyfriend will get worse and jealous of that attention you will have to give the new addition.
When I was in labor with baby number 2, my addict went out to the car to get stoned. I had to push without anyone there because of that, as I will never forget it. Welcome to the world of addiction. I put up with another 20 years of it. Its not pretty. Take care of you and your baby and let the big baby fend for himself, he's an adult and no reason to have to feel sorry for him. hugs
I am sorry, your boyfriend sounds like a typical self centered addict. I think your parents understand the responsibility that you are going to have as a single parent. Please put things aside and ask for help, you will need it. Boyfriend will get worse and jealous of that attention you will have to give the new addition.
When I was in labor with baby number 2, my addict went out to the car to get stoned. I had to push without anyone there because of that, as I will never forget it. Welcome to the world of addiction. I put up with another 20 years of it. Its not pretty. Take care of you and your baby and let the big baby fend for himself, he's an adult and no reason to have to feel sorry for him. hugs
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Fenway, if your parents are willing to take you and their grandchild then PLEASE swallow you pride and do that! Dump this guy, what do you get from him aside from lies and drama? He sounds like a parasite, showing up uninvited to live with you.
You will need emotional support, probably financial support, you and your baby desperately need a safe and stable home and this guy is the exact opposite of safe and stable. It's great you have a job you love. How will you work after the baby comes? If you can live safely and calmly with your parents maybe you can pay them less rent than you pay now and your child will (hopefully) having loving grandparents who take good care of her.
Please don't let pride stand in your way. Like Anvil said it's not just you anymore. You can rebuild your life, progress in your career and get to where you don't need family help. But it does not sound like you are there now. Think about it. There is no shame, none, in accepting their help. I speak as a grandma. I love my three little grandchildren dearly. It would kill me if I knew one of them was subjected to an addict father rather than live with me.
You will need emotional support, probably financial support, you and your baby desperately need a safe and stable home and this guy is the exact opposite of safe and stable. It's great you have a job you love. How will you work after the baby comes? If you can live safely and calmly with your parents maybe you can pay them less rent than you pay now and your child will (hopefully) having loving grandparents who take good care of her.
Please don't let pride stand in your way. Like Anvil said it's not just you anymore. You can rebuild your life, progress in your career and get to where you don't need family help. But it does not sound like you are there now. Think about it. There is no shame, none, in accepting their help. I speak as a grandma. I love my three little grandchildren dearly. It would kill me if I knew one of them was subjected to an addict father rather than live with me.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
OH good grief. You are going to find out really quickly that you want a partner, not another child to take care of, which is what he is, and will continue to be.
Kick him to the curb, you have yourself and a child coming to take care of.
Big hugs. Be strong.
Kick him to the curb, you have yourself and a child coming to take care of.
Big hugs. Be strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
My parents HATED my Ex-Fiance #2, and when he dumped me I had just given notice to my job and I also lost my apartment because I didn't elect to renew the lease because I was supposed to move in with Ex.
Oops.
So I had to move back in with my parents. Gratefully, they never said anything like "I told you so." They didn't even remind me they hated his guts. They were just so sorry and so sad that I had to go through that heartbreak. I think they were so afraid of upsetting me they just didn't say anything at all.
I was around your age too. All my friends were married and I felt like a fricking failure. But I knew that I needed a chance to lick my wounds and get my financial bearings before I could face the world again. You need that respite too.
You wouldn't be the first person to move in with her parents at times of trouble and you won't be the last. Anybody who gives you a hard time about that is just begging for the Karma Bus to run them over.
Oops.
So I had to move back in with my parents. Gratefully, they never said anything like "I told you so." They didn't even remind me they hated his guts. They were just so sorry and so sad that I had to go through that heartbreak. I think they were so afraid of upsetting me they just didn't say anything at all.
I was around your age too. All my friends were married and I felt like a fricking failure. But I knew that I needed a chance to lick my wounds and get my financial bearings before I could face the world again. You need that respite too.
You wouldn't be the first person to move in with her parents at times of trouble and you won't be the last. Anybody who gives you a hard time about that is just begging for the Karma Bus to run them over.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Ughhh went to type a reply clicked a freaking ad and now gotta retype from my phone !
Thank you all for your thoughts advice experience etc
Anyway I should mention parents will only pay rent for a couple months. They want me to move back to MA after that after which they aren’t willing to help my financially anymore if I stay here in FL
They don’t see that at bettering my situation. I just love my job down here, have room for growth and it’s the first place I really feel like I could make a career.
Now if he has his s*** together and could support me financially and be trusted with the baby all day maybe it could work down here. As things are, I guess not.
I’m just feeling frustrated Bc I feel like I have to uproot my whole life beside he messed up. But it also takes two to make a baby so can’t put all the blame on him
I did qualify for Medicaid so that takes care of medical bills but that’s only a fraction of the issue here
I guess it has to stop being about me and my job and my happiness and needs to start being about the baby
I am terrified of going back to Boston but maybe it’s what has to be done.
Thank you all for your thoughts advice experience etc
Anyway I should mention parents will only pay rent for a couple months. They want me to move back to MA after that after which they aren’t willing to help my financially anymore if I stay here in FL
They don’t see that at bettering my situation. I just love my job down here, have room for growth and it’s the first place I really feel like I could make a career.
Now if he has his s*** together and could support me financially and be trusted with the baby all day maybe it could work down here. As things are, I guess not.
I’m just feeling frustrated Bc I feel like I have to uproot my whole life beside he messed up. But it also takes two to make a baby so can’t put all the blame on him
I did qualify for Medicaid so that takes care of medical bills but that’s only a fraction of the issue here
I guess it has to stop being about me and my job and my happiness and needs to start being about the baby
I am terrified of going back to Boston but maybe it’s what has to be done.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
You asked if this is how things are going to be when the baby comes. No. They'll be much, much worse. Him not having any money will soon turn into neither of you having any money, because he's stolen all of yours. You'll lose everything you worked hard for, and you just might lose your child. Raising a child with an addict is just asking for trouble from CPS.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
You asked if this is how things are going to be when the baby comes. No. They'll be much, much worse. Him not having any money will soon turn into neither of you having any money, because he's stolen all of yours. You'll lose everything you worked hard for, and you just might lose your child. Raising a child with an addict is just asking for trouble from CPS.
And since lease is under my name and he didn’t even sign as sublet is @ss will be kicked to the curb homeless under a bridge
That’s assuming I don’t move back with them before baby comes. Which is probably what’s going to have to happen Bc per FL law I have to get written permission from judge to go more than 50 miles away from him if he wants to fight me on it.
I’ve made it clear that if uses even just one time I will make his life a living hell and do everything in my power to keep my child out of his life
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
I’ve made it clear that if uses even just one time I will make his life a living hell and do everything in my power to keep my child out of his life
Btw love your name and avatar. I am a Mets fan, don't hate me, more than that I'm a baseball fan and love other great baseball cities and fans like Boston and Chicago. I took a tour of Fenway Park once, it's awesome, never saw a game there but I'd sure like to. Boston is a wonderful city.
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