KMM1984

In 2012 I divorced my son's father. At that time he was incarcerated, like he has been off and on since we met in 2005. He has been arrested at least 25 times that I know of on charges of thief, forgery, stolen checks, child support, probation violation, drugs- cultivating, marijuana, pills, even heroin! In our divorce decree I didn't ask for child support (he was in jail) and I received full custody of our son who's now 9. I also got a restraining order at that time.
Here we are 5 years later I try to work with him so he could be in my son's life. I asked for help because I'm on FMLA due to our son, and he started his drama threatening my fiance, making a scene at the hospital while my son was in surgery, leaving nasty messages on my phone, calling my mom and sister all hours of the night, etc.
I filed for child support and we had the hearing today. He was ordered to pay! He didn't like that idea (probably because he has 4 other kids he's behind on) so he said he was going to file for custody and no matter what his son was going home with him today. My case worker took that as a threat and sent me to get another restraining order. Our final court date for that is next week.
My question is..... Would he be awarded any type of visitation? He says he's clean and goes to church 3 days a week, and so on.....
I don't want my son around drugs or the drama. The oldest of his 5 kids was in rehab at 18, in jail for giving minors alcohol and for drugs (marijuana and heroin). My son's so called grandma just passed away due to an overdose.

Dee74

Hi KMM

you posted in our chat admin forum .

I've moved your post here for more replies

Dee
Moderator
SR

solicitude

In my opinion, he likely won't spend the money to actually file- let alone to get the lawyer. Did he have a lawyer in the divorce? You said you got full custody. If he did file for custody, that'd be an easy no but if he filed for visitation that would depend. They will probably always give him chances for visitation, even if it's an insubstantial amount of time, if he can show he's trying in some way. Your options then are to bring forth the drug problem, the criminal record problem, and any history of violence to voice your concerns. Judges usually decide visitation/custody based on the child's best interest- which definitely looks at unfit parents unfavorably to protect the child. This would make relevant any current or history of drug abuse, crime, domestic violence or abuse, etc.
Basically you need to speak with a lawyer, or even just the police, about maybe charging him with harassment and start collecting evidence for him being unfit. Copy and keep all the harassing messages, especially the ones to your family late at night or ones with threats. Copy and keep the messages where he shows its because of the child support that he wants custody. Gather everything you think would help you make that case of his unfitness. I would even try and collect data on the oldest son- then just let a lawyer decide whats actually appropriate to use. Then, if he does file with the courts, and you have all this evidence, it would help you immensely to protect your child.
I would assume, based on his ridiculous behavior, that he is probably using and lied to you about his good life. He might have even just been bluffing because he was angry. So you would probably have him drug tested, he would likely fail, and get supervised visitation with gradual increases in time if he could pass drug tests and do a program to get and stay clean. Even if he passed, he would probably get supervised visits since he barely knows the kid and because of his criminal behavior. Unless you have been allowing unsupervised visits already. Then that shows that you've already trusted him and think he can be trusted. It all just depends on what the judge thinks is in the best interest of the child depending on the circumstances, honestly.