Desperacia

Hello. I'm new to this site. I'm in my late 30's, with a successful career, a hound child a husband who an alcoholic. We've been together for 16 years, living 11 years and married since 2012. He was also using cocaine until about 5 years ago (I didn't know about it until after he went to therapy and stopped using... Admitting to me was a part of the recovery I guess). He was also always abusing alcohol, but it really escalated since he stopped cocaine. The alcohol got really out of control to the point where he would regularly miss work, often would luck him self up in a room drunk and stay there sometimes for two days. Our relationship was pretty much nonexistent as we pretty much lived like roommates instead of a couple. Of course there was the roller coaster of his drinking than apologizing just to drink again and over and over again. I was however so stupid and naive I kept on holding on and hoping he would eventually come to his senses and finally stop. After all we did make good money, we had a house and really a good life (from an outside). My mom lived with us for a while and he would sometimes go into her room to steal her alcohol if he ran out of his (I had no idea he was doing this and she never told me while she was living with us). In my mid 30's I really wanted s baby and just have a family I always dreamed. So Iwe got married and had a son. The naive me hoped that our baby would make him come to his senses and get his act together. Of course I was wrong, he was drinking as much as ever, it was just getting out of control and he became abusive.
In the recent 6 months he got two DWI's and his DL suspended for the first dwi (he still has a case in court for his second dwi). I drop him off and pick him up from work now and just today when I picked him up from his office he was acting weird and I immediately suspected he was drinking. We picked up our son and when we got home he went to lay down, during which I went through his bag and found a bottle of vodka, which means he was drinking at work! I can't take this anymore. I have asked him to move out of our house numerous times but he won't. I know I have to take my baby and leave myself as my husband won't. But how do j do that? I don't have family or friends I can depends on. Our lives financially and in every way are si intertwined I have no clue where to begin. Do I sell the house first (as its in both our names)? Or just rent an apt and get out and see what happens with the house? I feel so emotionally weak and drained. I haven't felt safe or happy in so many years. I've screwed up 16 years I don't want to screw up the rest of my life. How do I leave him?

Seren

Hello Desperacia, and Welcome!

There will be others along soon who have been through exactly what you are experiencing. I think most would recommend that you consult an attorney. Many attorneys offer a free initial consultation, and information is key to making the best decisions possible for you and your son.

I don't know the laws in your state, but you may be able to file for exclusive use of your home--meaning your husband would be required to leave. But again, talking to an attorney will be in your absolute best interest.

I am so sorry you have been through so much!

Ann

I agree with Seren. Talk to an attorney and make a plan. It may be wise not to discuss this with him right now. You said the relationship has become abusive and the most dangerous time, in relationships like these, are when you actually leave...or when he does. It might be good to have someone with you, or have the police be present, when the time comes.

I am sorry this has all become worse over the years, sadly that is how addiction/alcoholism works. I also think you are wise to make the decision to protect yourself and your child from a life of sadness and chaos. You both deserve so much better than all this.

Hugs