Sombra

I just read my post from over 1 1/2 years ago... we are now raising our grandchildren, and have been for over a year. But our son is sadly not doing any better. I know he is cold, hungry, hurting and walked out of the hospital against doctor advice, and using. It breaks my heart. I tuck his children (my children now as we are adopting them) into nice warm beds, and wonder where I went wrong with him. I know it isn't my fault, but it sure feels like it should be. I feel guilty because we are happy. My husband and I are looking at the holidays and trying to figure out how to handle them. We don't want the bio parents of our grandkids over, because we want the holiday to be a fun, happy, family time for the kids (and ourselves). But I feel guilty that I can enjoy the holidays knowing my son is miserable. But he won't take help, he won't get into a program, and he won't change his life.

My heart is broken, and I just struggle with thinking about what he is going through. My daughter went to see him today and says he is sober.... I know better. A friend of his called me today, and said he is sober.... I know better. But it hurts to have people think that I would turn my back on him, not go to the hospital, when he is "sober". They believe the lies and deception of the addict, and it tears me apart.

Thanks for listening!

Vale

Guilty to be happy?

(Don't be!)

Jaeger

Sombra,

It is obvious that you are a loving person so don't let what you "think" others think about you bother you. One of my favorite recovery sayings is - what other people think of me is none of my business.

When I have encountered situations like this in my own life it helps me to remember that everyone is at different places in their recovery. I'm sure at some point people looked at me thinking "can't she see?". Enjoy your holiday's with the children and know that you are taking good care of them AND yourself.

Jaeger

ardy

Sombra,

you have that chance once again . to give those little ones all the love and support you gave your son... only this time.. you have the wisdom to know when things are going to go wrong.. hold them tight do the holidays like a family.. show them that this is how and why good things happen..
bio parents.. the Mom and your Son??? do the other grandparents have anything to do with the kids... its so hard.. we never see Ed's grand kids.. and they know of us and they call me Clown Ardy.. I am not a Grandma.. but they listen and watch what I do and why.. and respect me for being a Lady clown that loves them so much.. its hard.. hugs huge huge hugs from this old lady to all of you. this Thanksgiving and Christmas 2015.......make some cookies and read some stories .. and know so many of us will be thinking of all of you.. love ardy

ShootingStar1

Sombra, it is heartbreaking that you are in a situation where your love for your grandchildren - your new children - is pitted against your own son because of his actions.

Yet he is an adult. He has the right to make his own choices, whether you or anyone think they are good choices or not. And he has the resulting consequences of living the choices he makes.

You have no part of this. You can't change him, cure him, or control him.

So take heart in the generousity and love you are giving the real children in this story, and understand that you are doing it in honor of what your son, were he healthy, would want for his own children.

While it is so devastating to have a child suffer as your son is, he is an adult, and your are to be commended for cherishing his children and protecting them and giving them a happy and safe childhood when he cannot.

ShootingStar1

MIRecovery

I close friend quoted this to me, "Rejoice in this day the Lord has made and be happy."

We have a right to be happy even when life takes a dump on us