hopeful4

This actually happens a lot. He is looking for someone who wants to enable him, not who wants him to stop. Addiction is so very selfish. Move forward and be glad you are not stuck with an addict for a husband.

YOU DESERVE MORE. xxx

Nowiamawas1026

They always push away those that know the most....

Before I knew what was causing the extreme mood changes, I used to get pissed at my ex, because he would come home, sick or sleep for 48+hours, and then out of nowhere there was this other person, who instead of wanting to spend time with someone who literally nursed him to health, so many times...I'll elaborate in a second, would go and hang out with anyone and everyone else. I used to sit there and say "so they get good xxxx, and I get awful xxxx"

The lies and manipulation...he told me he had extreme stomach issues, me being a nurse, I know of lots of real diagnoses that can show extreme stomach issues. So I would come home with a bag of fluids and nausea meds and start up an IV in the ******* kitchen dude. Ugh. I even have pictures of this?!?! We thought it was hysterical!!!! Again, little did I know....

But to your post though, for me I think it was easier for my ex to put on a happy face for anyone else for 4 or so hours...especially if it's just acquaintances, they won't be able to see the BLATANT signs.

I hope this helps...

Lots of love. Thank you for sharing. It's nice to know my situation was not unique at all... Addiction sucks. Plain and simple.

healthyagain

I think it is expected of addicts to push away, perfectly normal. As the ties with my ah are getting loose, only now i can see how little i mean to him. He has his love and it ain't me. He will love me in the morning, and hate me in the evening. And i got better when i stopped caring and kept pushing my agenda.

healthyagain

Yes, exactly. You basically become a tool.

MissUs2015

I have lived this so many times. It didn't help. It's time for my life.

Aggie812

Geno,

What is your update? Has he come back or contacted you?

cole10

As someone who has been married to an addict for 7 years my advice is to not go down that road. I 100% understand loving the person and wanting to be with them, and the commitment you have made, but they will probably never be able to give you the love you want. When I first met my husband, it was this huge story tale love. It was amazing. I did not know he had a problem at first. Then I thought I could help 'fix' the problem. Then I thought when we got married it would be different, then I thought when we had our daughter it would be different. Surely after the birth of our son it would be different. Surely after my now kindergarten daughter is sad because daddy is 'gone' and spends the week sleeping on the couch it would be different. Its's still broke. In the book 'The Mood Cure' the author states that the actual number or real addicts that relapse is about 90%. It is an awful number, as honest as can be it is a hopeless number. I am a Christian woman, I believe very strongly that I am not suppose to leave my husband and for whatever higher calling or plan God has for my family. But I cannot even begin to explain how much my spirit has been crushed by this man. I have basically made the decision to stick by him and risk not being loved properly for the rest of my life by him. Addicts are completely selfish people, drug use changes not only their spirit, but also how their brain works. If I could start over from the beginning, I probably should have gotten out when he told me to. I was completely naive though to the type of hold addiction can have. I love my husband with everything I have left, but the man standing before me right now who is right now suffering through a very bad run is not someone I know anymore. The things I fell in love with are no longer present. Every day is a battle. Every day is hard. Our trust is shattered. We have both become people Im sure we aren't very proud of.
Yes it is normal for addicts to push those they love away. They feel pain for hurting you, guilt for hurting you but there is also the selfish side, where they just don't want to be around someone who is going to tell them to stop. To be better. I don't know of course the severity of your love's addiction but I do know that addiction is not something that is an easy fix, its not something that is even a hard fix.

I am wishing you the best luck with whatever choice you make. Obviously the choice is yours. Im just going to say though, that an addict who is using doesn't love themselves how a person should love themselves, making it impossible for them to love you the correct way. Love is never easy, marriage is always hard, but throwing addiction in there is just a losing battle. I know we can't always pick who we love, but we have to pick how we choose to be treated by others. At the end of the day, you probably wont get the love you are looking for from a using addict. I'm sorry, I know this is dark, and awful sounding, but its from someone who lives in this world everyday. Its not pretty, the bad days tend to outweigh the good. Choose wisely. If you want a family remember its not just you who will be in this mess, it will be your kids too.