Old 03-17-2015, 06:52 AM
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Well, I have been waiting for the other shoe to droop with my xah. Things have been going very smoothly since Jan 3. He has made all supervised visits. But, this weekend he canceled. A half hour before the visit. At least he called. He claimed sick. I claim BS. He went into work the next day. We were half way there when we got his call. Thankfully, I don't tell my child about any visits unless he confirms an hour before or we literally see him.

Anyways, I was angry. Surprisingly so. First, I busted my butt to make sure we were going to he there and on time. Secondly, I was stronger armed into this visit. I had given a weeks notice saying we couldn't make this weekend due to other commitments, but he was aggressive, and I felt compassion..."awe he really wants to see his son and he has been trying so hard for @ 8 weeks". So, I gave up my last day of vacation plans and accommodated him. And he not only canceled, but canceled with only a half hours notice. And, I know he was full of it. He was using. I was angry. Thank god my son has no clue. He has had enough disappointment.

I did the same thing on Christmas. I gave him time out of anxiety and compassion, and he canceled.

Lesson learned. I won't do it anymore. I will not bend. Once I make a decision on visitation, that's it. I'm trying to ask myself, "but am I comfortable with that?" And I am trying to be the boss...if I'm not comfortable, then don't do it. My next question is, "is this in my sons best interest?".

So, to me this proves he is still using and we are in the pretending to be sober honeymoon. My guard is up. I don't trust him, and I believe he will screw up and lose his high management job within 2 years. He almost had me, but I know him so well. He is still hanging out with the same people and hasn't been to rehab. He had a scare and is trying to get his act together without giving up drugs. You see, he has no will power. None. His way won't work.

So, I need to make sure I stick to my boundaries no matter how " good" he is being.

Also, I just heard through a friend what his father says about him. His father knows better than anyone because they worked together and know the same people. His father stated he was on crack. I thought he was a cocaine addict. I know they are the same, but I thought crack is way worse. Anyways, don't they always say it is way worse than you can even imagine?

So, these 2 pieces of info/happenings within 2 days of each other really makes me realize to trust my gut...ALWAYS! I knew it was too good to be true!

My guard is up and boundaries are set.
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Old 03-17-2015, 08:10 AM
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I am glad you are setting some boundaries. It does not matter what he is on, he is using, that's all that matters.

Take good care of you and your son! XXX
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