jjj111

My sister went to a rapid detox program a year ago to get off opiates after at least a dozen years of abusing them. She has also in the past had a drinking problem and done various other drugs. She seemed to be doing OK since then. She broke up with her son's father, who is another addict she met in NA who continues to use, and went back to grad school. And she and I have been in touch more, and I guess I had a little hope that she was turning her life around. But it's been hard to really know. She lives halfway across the country, and other than FB and e-mail correspondence and a few skype sessions, I don't have any way of knowing what goes on with her. She has found a woman who provides daycare for her son, and I've had the sense deep down that this woman has become an enabler. I noticed they go bowling periodically, and I saw my sister make a joke on FB a couple weeks ago about drinking beer at the bowling alley. And then last night this woman posts pictures of my sister looking a little loose, and the woman's son made a comment about how she was drunk. My sister commented "Neverrrr" and he replied "I think you are." Then a few hours later, there was a picture of her in our hometown, a couple hours drive from where she now lives, with an old boyfriend! And she stayed the night at a hotel near there. I know that our old hometown is near where she goes to school and that she might have been staying the night there partly because they're expecting snow and she wanted to be there for her classes, but my gut tells me that she is drinking again and making impulsive decisions, possibly including driving long distances drunk. I guess I knew this was possible and even likely, but I'm having a hard time getting my mind off it today. I feel so angry. It would be so much easier to hand her recovery over to a HP if her son weren't involved. Sigh. I'm tempted to ask her what's going on, but I know that she wouldn't be honest with me and in any case that there is nothing I can say to make her choose recovery. She has all the tools. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent.

Kimmilynn

Nothing to add, just sending you support!

jjj111

Thanks, Kimmilynn! It's sad, in a way I wish I could just go no contact. I would have long ago if she were a boyfriend. But a sister is more complicated, especially when there's a child involved. It's just so hard seeing those pics of her looking f&*ed up, and the comments that indicate that she still sees it as kind of a joke. She has also developed this weird fixation on guns, that's her new hobby, firing guns, and in the pictures she has this "I <3 guns" t-shirt on. The whole thing makes me kind of sick. She thinks it's cute, and it's really, really not.

Kimmilynn

I'm here for my brother so I totally understand. Although he lives miles from me, usually, I typically couldn't find or contact him if I tried until he gets clean or wants a pizza. It's tough. I wish I had more to offer

jjj111

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I think that having an addicted sibling is tough in a kind of unique bunch of ways. I know with my sister that we have a lot of rivalry between us and that she gets angry when I try to interfere because she already resents me for being the "together" sister. And like with any relationship with an addict, I know that sometimes I get lost in trying to fix her, or even just feeling angry/upset with her, and that it can be a distraction for me from dealing with my own life. So I'm trying not to dwell too much on my anger with her and just keep on keeping on. I hope you can do the same despite your brother's problems!

jjj111

Well, sister's new enabler posted a cute little meme on her FB page about your friends telling you what you did when you were drunk and they both "LOL"ed about it. It's clear that my gut was right. I'm very frustrated, don't know where the line is here. I feel like acting like nothing's up next time she contacts me is not very honest, and I find it pretty depressing to have an inauthentic relationship with her where I pretend like everything's fine when I'm really concerned and frustrated. But I also don't have any interest in trying to fix her. I just don't feel enthusiastic about our renewed contact now. I guess I can just tone down my availability to her and distance myself again, which is what I'd been doing for years before this detox gave me some hope and I decided to try being a little more in touch with her. I just hope this doesn't degenerate to her getting arrested or losing her license, which is what happened a few years ago, before she met her son's father in court-ordered NA and had her son. Losing her license would be so not OK now that she has a kid. Getting wasted and driving a couple hours to see an ex--also not OK.

jjj111

I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts on how they've deal with similar situations. I guess there aren't a ton of people with a sibling qualifier on here, but feedback is welcome! I'm struggling with whether to even say anything or just distance myself.