Lovehurtswaddic

Ok so today I have decided to give myself a 30 day challenge. I would like to have no contact with him at all, Im thinking this would be good for me, If at all possible. He only contacts me about once a week Last week it was to pick up some of his stuff and steal my Phone this week it was to message me and say he missed me and to say even if he went to rehab I wouldnt want him anymore anyway. then Ive heard nothing since then.
I would like to start exercising and lose a little weight. Also get my hair done. I havent had my hair even trimmed in over a year. I only have 1 pair of jeans. HE had about 20 pairs of jeans and other clothes. I have nothing.
So I want to start getting myself back on track and take care of me.
I have my moments of being strong and not even missing him, but I still have my moments of did I do the right thing? Is he with someone else and soo happy? lol He is an evil person and treated me like **** 95% of the time btw. There is holes all over my house from him. No one including my kids liked him anymore. It was like he was nothing more than an evil side of heroin or pills or whatever he was doing. Im sure he was back on heroin though. Im a peaceful, fun loving person, well I was. I want to find that person again. So the only way he has to contact me is on facebook. I unfriended him, but he can still message me. Should I block him? Should I tell him not to contact me during those 30 days? Im stronger but still my brain is still in the screwed up mode Ilet him put it in

AnvilheadII

i like the NO CONTACT idea....for you! if you are serious, then you already know what to do about FB. what we often find out is that NO CONTACT isn't always about preventing THEM from contacting US, but from US learning to resist the urge to peek, to poke, to snoop, or do a "driveway slip".

and many times we find out we had a hidden agenda....that we dont REALLY want NC, we want to play Come Here, Go Away - I Run, You Chase - The DANCE. we say leave me alone - and then, dammit, they do! well how dare you ignore me, we say! you can't just write me off, i'll tell you a thing or two mister........and away we go, reopening contact, gettin' our fix, feedin' our jones.....

so love - you ready to do this? full tilt? give you back YOU for 30 days....to start!?

Hope7726

Block him on FB!! And anywhere else he can see you. Block his number if you can. And don't bother telling him you're going NC. He doesn't need to know! He will figure it out when you stop communicating with him.

I am a big advocate of NC. It's hard but helps sooo much. Good luck!

cynical one

Agreed, block him, but he doesn't need to know why or for how long...cause once you get a full 30 days of drama free life...perhaps you will want that as your normal.

Lovehurtswaddic

Thank you! Yes Anvilhead Secretly we want them to contact us and say hey Im a new person and Everything is going to be ok. lol Not like the would ever truthfully happen in reality. I cant believe I have even come this far. Ive not made anyfirst contact with him, Its always him. I guess its kinda scary with no contact because what if he really did change, what if he wants help, what if he wants to go to rehab, What if I regret letting him go? Just some stupid thoughts of mine when I know full well he is only poison and no one around me can stand him. This group has given me soo much strength its unreal and the fact my kids all hate him and I would lose the good people in my life that have gone out of their way to help me get back on my feet

Lovehurtswaddic

Can you friend people on here? Or only on facebook? I would like to add some friends I can talk too

sparrow15

I totally understand the "what if he becomes someone amazing and with someone else and I gave up on it". The truth is, yes that could happen but it probably won't and definitely not overnight. All we can do is make the best decision with the information you have now. You can't put life on hold for a what if.

I also agree with the blocking thing! And making sure you can't snoop. I knew my axbf's passwords and even though I asked him to change them he didn't. Learning how not care about what he was doing and who he was with was hard. But once you go NC for a while and begin to find peace in yourself again you wanna cling to that and it becomes easier for sure.

waitingforhope

If you go into your profile here, I believe you can add friends.

We are living what sounds to be the same drama lately. Go cold turkey all the way! Allowing any doors to remain open only leaves room for him to manipulate you and make you feel guilty and take the blame. Close that door! Just trust me on that. If your following anything I've posted at all about my own situation, please just trust me on that! You got this!

BlackSabbath

I've done no contact umpteen times (does anyone know how many times that actually is? lol)...he always comes back. It's ridiculous. At first it was the game, but now it's just to get a break and get my head back together.

I passed him driving tonight and it hurt. I wondered where he was going. Who was he with? Drove by his house and no, noone else's car was there. So what is he doing? The answer should be a simple, "I don't care what he's doing...maybe he's meeting his dealer so he can be cool and do blow tonight". Loser. I sit here pregnant taking care of our toddler while he goes and does whatever the eff he wants. I totally understand what you're experiencing because I feel it too. He hasn't given me child support and I know he's just waiting for me to ask for it. But, I refuse to give him the satisfaction of that. I'd rather he felt like an ass for choosing coke & booze over "life".

It takes a long time to become an addict, and it takes a long time to undo that - so chances are he's not "happy" with someone else. It's a reasonable thing to think of when we break up a relationship with a normal person. But, a healthy relationship takes 2 healthy people, and clearly he is not healthy.

BunnyNest

I had the exact same thoughts!

After 3 months of no contact, my thinking finally shifted to me. I had a lot of help from my support system and 12 step program.

Take good care of yourself!