QuietlE77

Well, last week was far from stellar, to say the most. My AH received his RX, halfway into the week. He also talked his Dr. Into giving him 9 oxycodones for his "tooth pain". He chipped a tooth...didn't lose it. I suppose, looking at it, you might say part of it actually broke.....this is silly! I don't know if it actually hurt or not and to be perfectly honest, I really don't care. What I do know is, that I was stuck in the house with him, his daughter and a 16 week old puppy, trying to take care of my AH, his daughter, and a 16 week old puppy, all the while feeling like I had no business "taking care" of ANY of them. My thought process was, "he's walking around outside, aimlessly again with the puppy. She's not on a leash and his eyes are closed. I can't very well let this puppy wander off into the creek or the street, can I ??" I told myself that I could and I even watched her get dangerously close to both the creek and the road( he didn't notice, either), but at the last minute, I realized that no good would come about from the puppy lying dead in the road, and me telling him, "see? I told you!"
When he began to come out of his fog(not completely though, he still hadn't slept for 24 hrs, so he was in his mean, denial/blame stage...the" I am not
high, nor was I high" phase.) He told me, of course, that I had done nothing for him or his daughter, or the puppy, while he was out. He told me what a hateful, nasty person I am and blamed me, without using the actual words, I..Blame..You, for him having to be high in the first place. I did my best, not to be persistent in proving my point. I did my best, not to yell, get nasty right back, or just give up and start to cry. I imagined that his words meant nothing, just as someone, here on the forum suggested, and I let him have his rant. When he was finished, I asked, to make sure he was done and kindly told him goodnight, then walked off. He wasn't sure what to do with that and he didn't follow me around, as he has done in the past.
Handling him, the way that I did, instead of feeling the need to prove to him that he was, in fact high, that he did neglect his daughter and his dog, that he really did stand in the center of our cauldasac, nodding and bobbing and clapping and moaning(I call it his zombie dance. Has anyone ever seen this, from an opiate addict, before?). Knowing the truth as I saw it, yet not feeling the need to prove it to him; to make it his truth, was much better for me, in getting through that particular uproar. I was able to get out of the house, yesterday, while he slept it off. Unfortunately, I had to leave his daughter with him. When I left and when I came back, he was asleep and she was just sitting on the couch. I don't particularly like his daughter, she's very needy, sometimes mean, and all around-very different from my own kids. She has to "try" to act like a child, it doesn't come naturally to her, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel like I NEED to spend time with her, but then I feel resentful when she doesn't appreciate it, or she goes right back to being shy, nontrusting and skiddish around me. She's done some pretty awful things to my kids in the past, that I just haven't been able to forgive, BUT SHE'S A CHILD!... And the child of two addicts, to boot. I even find myself resenting the puppy, because the puppy has become HER personal play-mate(well, of course she has, she has no one else). How do I get over this? I don't want to feel this way anymore, about a child, who I feel that I could Love; need to protect, and want to have a meaningful relationship with.

hopeful4

Quiet, good for you not to waste your breath and engage. It would be a complete waste of time and energy and likely would have made you much more miserable. Good job.

As far as the daughter, I can only say that I don't think you can make yourself love someone. Do you feel sorry for her, yes. Is she to blame for her behavior, likely not. However, she is who she is and you cannot do anything about that. My advise would be to cope with her best as you can and to know that is ok. As far as the puppy, I would encourage any relationship between daughter and puppy as it may contribute the daughter to being a better person. As far as keeping the puppy safe, I don't feel there is any other choice. If he cannot keep the puppy safe and you don't want to take care of the puppy, I would find it another home.

My tactic would be to video him not taking care of said pup and when he protests show him the video and that would be that. I am an animal lover, so I believe they deserve the best and most safe life possible. They have no control over their owners.

See your progress for the good progress that it is. I hope this week is a better one!

Tight Hugs!

Ann

It sounds like that child could use some counseling and help for her own depression and sad feelings. It might help you too.

Sadly, you can't change anyone who is addicted to drugs, they change when they are ready and that can be a long time.

I suggest getting help for yourself and the child.

And you already see that leaving the child or the dog in his care will lead to tragic endings, so you may need to face that and consider alternatives for both of them.

I'm sorry this is such a sad situation and hope you all find better tomorrows.

Hugs

Hawkeye13

Where are you in this relationship?

It's all about everyone else.
I agree that child and puppy need protection, but you did not sign on for all this, did you?

I thought relationships were supposed to be mutually beneficial.
Sounds like this is just sucking you dry.

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult place, but it really sounds like you have some tough choices to take care of yourself.