carguysgirl

Quick recap-my bf has a heroin addicted 18 year old daughter. I've barely met her because she had been living in the city to be around her doc. At first I declined to meet her when she came back to town. In 42-back in my early 20's I chose to distance myself from friends the same problem. I haven't been that situation in a long time but I recall the pain and crazy while living with these people.

Through help received here I decided not to damage my relations with my bf further and stepped up to support him. He appreciates this and tells me so but still has not updated me since he tore off to the er when she od'd last week. Rather than ask him I checked her face book page-clearly we're not friends-but she let's the public see a lot. She had changed her location to a big big city hours away and has posted arrogant and telling things. I checked summer of her friends who liked a pic and she's clearly involved with a gang. I want to tell my bf what I did but I'm embarrassed feel like I've set back in his trusting me with this.

hopeful4

Why don't you just ask him how she is, how he is and what happened? There is a difference between detatchment and showing concern. I don't think anyone here who has detatched from that situation just does not care anymore, it's just too painful to be involved with too deeply.

If he does not know what she is up to, I would leave it alone. It will only sound like sour grapes.

carguysgirl

See what you're saying about the sour grapes. I didn't ask him directly because i don't want to pry. I snooped because I'm familiar enough with this situation to expect some crazy and I'd like to not be blindsided when it comes. I'm feeling bad and I'll tell him tonight what I'm feeling but I won't mention the content I saw.

hopeful4

I think it is good for you to express your feelings and fears to him and give him a chance to open up to you too. It's such a hard thing when you are the parent of an addict, I cannot imagine his pain. I do however understand your detatchment. You have to, you don't have a choice. The difference is, he does not feel able to.

I hope you both attend Naranon or have some sort of face to face support system.

Good Luck!

Ann

She's in the hospital from an overdose, that alone speaks volumes about her addiction and how much she is using. It doesn't matter what her FB says, or who she is hanging with. Until she decides to change course and find a better path, knowing her every move will only drive you crazy.

I know how hard this is, I watched my son self-destruct for years. My prayers go out for all of you.

Hugs

carguysgirl

Talked with my bf. He's wonderful and understanding. And fully believe his daughter who told him she's not using the od was *"'*up and she's off to the city to stay with a friend. Who doesn't use. The same friend she od'd after visiting last week. I remind myself that there is no wrong way for him to be in this, and that neither he not I can control it.
I did suggest an action. That he and his ex wife and two older kids come together on a plan if action for when the second shoe drops. If he doesn't I won't be offended!

hopeful4

I am glad your conversation went well, I am sure that is a huge load off of your shoulders. Parents very rarely are fooled about their kids using when it becomes that bad.

XXX