Multiple Fronts
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 1
Multiple Fronts
Where do I begin...
The best way to explain this might be a timeline of events...
2001-present: younger sister (now 26) has always gotten into trouble to some extent and has been a "partier." Not clear to the extent of drug-use, but I am sure pot most of the time with pills here and there
2007: mother loses job as early childhood educator and has 1st nervous breakdown. Ends up in mental facility for a week or so. Undiagnosed bipolar with psychosis. Probably somewhat due to stress from my sister. The two are constantly fighting with dad largely "staying out of it." I am away at college
2007-2012: my mother has multiple breakdowns ending up as short hospital stays. no real continuation of care...unemployed, difficult to have a normal conversation, completely dependent on my father. The house is a mess. Sister in and out of living at home and with friends
September 2012: sister, making money as drug dealer, has baby with drug-addict boyfriend. Both of them, the baby and my mother and father all live in my parent's house. I, by the way, have distanced myself from all of this and live 45-minutes away closer to my job to try and live a normal life. Many dramatic episodes ensue with my mother (who is unstable and cannot be trusted to make sound decisions) constantly fighting with the boyfriend (who is unfit and a drug addict) over the care of the baby while at the house.
December 2012: sister, boyfriend and baby get kicked out of house to live in sketchy apartment in drug-infested neighborhood.
April/May 2013: I am informed by my understandably angry mother that the new savings account worth $10k opened solely in her name to deposit the newly opened home equity loan (through refinance) has been drained after about 5 weeks of opening from checks with her forged signature by my sister AND father. Overdraft fees bounce into my parents checking. More drama ensues and essentially it is determined that my sister and father have been smoking crack since (best guess) December 2012. I am not surprised by my sister, but no one suspected my father. Mother is the most delusional person I have ever met when it comes to my sister and is able to be manipulated with ease. She is furious at my father, the boyfriend, but does not understand drug addiction at all and also believes my sister would do drugs. Apparently, my sister sells suboxone to "help people" who are addicts and her poor health and insomnia is the evil world's fault - cell phones, watching TV too late at night, her boyfriend...my sister just needs a "good nights sleep" and some "solid food"...
Spring 2013: Many months of talking, getting my father's employer involved (who is a family friend...very small business), random drug testing, lying, continuous ATM withdrawals AND early retirement withdrawals, staying out all night, missing/late for work...since there are two drug addicts involved, hard to tell who is doing what, but they each have their own pattern
June 2013: I pay for his 21-day rehab (a loan to be repaid) which he begrudgingly went into (condition of keeping employment). At some point my sister and her baby come back home, having been evicted from their apartment
July-August 2013: Seems to start off going to work OK, but things quickly spiral downward. I knew there was no hope really as I scrambled to figure out my father so hopefully we could all talk to my sister, while my sister continues to be a drug-addict and my mother is extremely difficult to deal with and in complete denial. Dad missing work, coming in wired, found text from my sister asking if he wanted a hit...The drug-addict boyfriend's parents are normal and responsible and take custody of the baby since obviously no one else could at some point during all of this
Late August 2013: employer does random drug-test, father knows it is going to be positive, lies to a bunch of people for various reasons, packs a small bag and takes off "embarrassed and knowing he let tons of people down" (words from several other people close to him that talked to him at some point that are not addicts). I do not expect to see that rehab money again
Sept 2013 - Mar 2014: dad has been living in a spare room of his childhood home (my grandparent's house) in sketchy neighborhood with his parents and life-long crack addict older brother who has lived in another spare room there all his life. Sister in and out of living with my mom and living with my father in this house. Mother living alone in my parent's house. Mortgage on my parent's house has not been paid since August, tons of foreclosure letters, his truck was repossessed, utilities have been shut off since Novemberish 2013. Mother living on food stamps and cash/grocery store gift cards I mail her.
End of March 2014-End of April: sister deep in addiction, shoots up at home in front of my mom (now is the ONLY time my mom can admit she might be a drug addict). Sister reaches out and wants to get help and get her son back and gets admitted to state-funded 28-day program, gets involved with social workers, from 28-day program goes right into 6-month state funded "children & mothers halfway house" situation where she is currently. Has said to me that she knows she cannot live with our mom (probably a big part of the drug use). When I talk to my mom she clings to the idea of staying at the house and trying to save it for dear life thinking she, my sister, and her baby and going to life happily ever after there. My mother calls my grandparents house to talk to my father, ask for food, money...something...and he never calls back. If she does talk to him he will say he is coming over on a certain date and does not.
End of April: I find out from a hospital phone call that my mom went berserk, tore the house apart ranting and raving and the neighbors called the police. She ended up in another week or so long hospital stay for mental illness.
Present: Check came to my parent's house for $9k for the balance of the repossessed truck since it was almost paid off when it was taken. It is in my father's name - my mom called my dad letting him know and to say she wants half when he cashed it and he promptly came over, took the check, was supposed to come over today to give her half and mow the lawn....and did not. I will be paying him a visit tomorrow.
Anyone have any advice? It is debatable whether or not my mom can take care of herself if she even had the $$ given her mental state, but as it is she is also destitute and was completely dependent on my father who abandoned her. That coupled with my sister who has no job and is 5 weeks sober currently in a rehab program and thinks she can raise a baby...it is unclear what the future holds
I feel guilty that I should be doing more, but at this point I am ready to change my phone number and move out of the country. I cannot have any of these people moving in with me and ruining the rest of my life as selfish as that sounds. If you were me, what would you be doing?
The best way to explain this might be a timeline of events...
2001-present: younger sister (now 26) has always gotten into trouble to some extent and has been a "partier." Not clear to the extent of drug-use, but I am sure pot most of the time with pills here and there
2007: mother loses job as early childhood educator and has 1st nervous breakdown. Ends up in mental facility for a week or so. Undiagnosed bipolar with psychosis. Probably somewhat due to stress from my sister. The two are constantly fighting with dad largely "staying out of it." I am away at college
2007-2012: my mother has multiple breakdowns ending up as short hospital stays. no real continuation of care...unemployed, difficult to have a normal conversation, completely dependent on my father. The house is a mess. Sister in and out of living at home and with friends
September 2012: sister, making money as drug dealer, has baby with drug-addict boyfriend. Both of them, the baby and my mother and father all live in my parent's house. I, by the way, have distanced myself from all of this and live 45-minutes away closer to my job to try and live a normal life. Many dramatic episodes ensue with my mother (who is unstable and cannot be trusted to make sound decisions) constantly fighting with the boyfriend (who is unfit and a drug addict) over the care of the baby while at the house.
December 2012: sister, boyfriend and baby get kicked out of house to live in sketchy apartment in drug-infested neighborhood.
April/May 2013: I am informed by my understandably angry mother that the new savings account worth $10k opened solely in her name to deposit the newly opened home equity loan (through refinance) has been drained after about 5 weeks of opening from checks with her forged signature by my sister AND father. Overdraft fees bounce into my parents checking. More drama ensues and essentially it is determined that my sister and father have been smoking crack since (best guess) December 2012. I am not surprised by my sister, but no one suspected my father. Mother is the most delusional person I have ever met when it comes to my sister and is able to be manipulated with ease. She is furious at my father, the boyfriend, but does not understand drug addiction at all and also believes my sister would do drugs. Apparently, my sister sells suboxone to "help people" who are addicts and her poor health and insomnia is the evil world's fault - cell phones, watching TV too late at night, her boyfriend...my sister just needs a "good nights sleep" and some "solid food"...
Spring 2013: Many months of talking, getting my father's employer involved (who is a family friend...very small business), random drug testing, lying, continuous ATM withdrawals AND early retirement withdrawals, staying out all night, missing/late for work...since there are two drug addicts involved, hard to tell who is doing what, but they each have their own pattern
June 2013: I pay for his 21-day rehab (a loan to be repaid) which he begrudgingly went into (condition of keeping employment). At some point my sister and her baby come back home, having been evicted from their apartment
July-August 2013: Seems to start off going to work OK, but things quickly spiral downward. I knew there was no hope really as I scrambled to figure out my father so hopefully we could all talk to my sister, while my sister continues to be a drug-addict and my mother is extremely difficult to deal with and in complete denial. Dad missing work, coming in wired, found text from my sister asking if he wanted a hit...The drug-addict boyfriend's parents are normal and responsible and take custody of the baby since obviously no one else could at some point during all of this
Late August 2013: employer does random drug-test, father knows it is going to be positive, lies to a bunch of people for various reasons, packs a small bag and takes off "embarrassed and knowing he let tons of people down" (words from several other people close to him that talked to him at some point that are not addicts). I do not expect to see that rehab money again
Sept 2013 - Mar 2014: dad has been living in a spare room of his childhood home (my grandparent's house) in sketchy neighborhood with his parents and life-long crack addict older brother who has lived in another spare room there all his life. Sister in and out of living with my mom and living with my father in this house. Mother living alone in my parent's house. Mortgage on my parent's house has not been paid since August, tons of foreclosure letters, his truck was repossessed, utilities have been shut off since Novemberish 2013. Mother living on food stamps and cash/grocery store gift cards I mail her.
End of March 2014-End of April: sister deep in addiction, shoots up at home in front of my mom (now is the ONLY time my mom can admit she might be a drug addict). Sister reaches out and wants to get help and get her son back and gets admitted to state-funded 28-day program, gets involved with social workers, from 28-day program goes right into 6-month state funded "children & mothers halfway house" situation where she is currently. Has said to me that she knows she cannot live with our mom (probably a big part of the drug use). When I talk to my mom she clings to the idea of staying at the house and trying to save it for dear life thinking she, my sister, and her baby and going to life happily ever after there. My mother calls my grandparents house to talk to my father, ask for food, money...something...and he never calls back. If she does talk to him he will say he is coming over on a certain date and does not.
End of April: I find out from a hospital phone call that my mom went berserk, tore the house apart ranting and raving and the neighbors called the police. She ended up in another week or so long hospital stay for mental illness.
Present: Check came to my parent's house for $9k for the balance of the repossessed truck since it was almost paid off when it was taken. It is in my father's name - my mom called my dad letting him know and to say she wants half when he cashed it and he promptly came over, took the check, was supposed to come over today to give her half and mow the lawn....and did not. I will be paying him a visit tomorrow.
Anyone have any advice? It is debatable whether or not my mom can take care of herself if she even had the $$ given her mental state, but as it is she is also destitute and was completely dependent on my father who abandoned her. That coupled with my sister who has no job and is 5 weeks sober currently in a rehab program and thinks she can raise a baby...it is unclear what the future holds
I feel guilty that I should be doing more, but at this point I am ready to change my phone number and move out of the country. I cannot have any of these people moving in with me and ruining the rest of my life as selfish as that sounds. If you were me, what would you be doing?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 6
For your mom she needs to file for ssi or something similar. Your dad and sister got there self in this mess and have to get out of it by there self. I would stay away from your dad, he only cares about his self, and would have your mother cut all ties with him as well. Sorry your having a ruff time, hope it gets better for you.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Originally Posted by beyondhope 
at this point I am ready to change my phone number and move out of the country. I cannot have any of these people moving in with me and ruining the rest of my life as selfish as that sounds. If you were me, what would you be doing?
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