MLJ88

My MIL (mother in law) has known about my AH- her sons pill addiction for 3 years now. I broke down and finally told her when I was in a really dark and emotional place- I needed to talk to someone. She obviously was freaked out nd cried about it. In the years since finding out- she has never said one single thing to him, i used to get mad bc I thought that the more people to confront- the more likely he would be to quit- but I know better now. But in the years, she has continuously asked me about it- how is HE doing, is He still using, Is He ok, is He getting aggressive, is He snorting again? Etc... Each time she asks, I update her bc I know she's concerned. But she takes zero action, and does not educate herself on addiction at all.

Lately AH has gotten worse, and she has seen it- and somehow she expects me to do something about it, she asks if I've talked to him- I said no, she asked if he's snorting, I said yes, she asks did you confront him, I said no. She asked if he was hanging out with his friend who has the same habit, I said I think. I could tell she was frustrated by my answers, so I finally broke down and told her how I really felt. I said " if your so concerned then why don't you ask your son yourself, why is it my job. I'm done asking- all he does is lie, I don't need to ask bc I already know the truth." she says that she's afraid to ask him bc she thinks he will shut her out of his life if she does. I told her " don't you get it- he has already shut us all out, he shut us out years ago, he may physically be here but he's not really here. It doesn't matter what we say or how many people say it, he won't listen." she got upset and assumed that I'm giving up on him by no longer trying- at that I had enough. I told her " really? You have known about this for years and never once said a damn thing bc your afraid to loose him, aren't you afraid to loose him to death- bc that's next! And somehow it's my job to fix him. I didn't give up- i live with him, we have a toddler together and another baby on the way and I deal with his **** on a daily basis, but I am giving up? No I will never give up that he has the potential to get better, I'm just giving up on trying to bring that potential out on my own. I can't fix this, and neither can you. I suggest you educate yourself on addiction if you really want to help him bc you are his worst enabler." she didn't understand what I meant by that, but I really hope she does some research. My Ah is her only child and her head is so far up his ass that it's sickening. If he says jump, she jumps. She enables him in the worst way, she has let him get away with murder his whole life and never once held him accountable as a child- bc she was too worried about being his friend- well where has your friendship gotten him now. I'm not blaming her for his addiction- but she really needed to hear this from me.

Im sorry I just needed to vent.

LoveMeNow

I remember wanting people to confront my husband too but no one would. I was so frustrated. I felt like it was put on me and I carried it around for a long time. I thought it was my responsibility to help him, all while forgetting about my responsibility to myself.

I finally understood I couldn't do a thing. It's heartbreaking but it just the way it is.

I finally understood it this way.......no one could make me quite smoking. I had to want to. No one could make me exercise. It had to come from within. No one could make me leave.....until I had enough.

Be good to yourself. I hope you do something special for yourself today.