In for another battle
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
Praying, i was, a few years ago, in a similar situation when i finally mustered the courage to my leave my extremely abusive ex husband. He attacked dd one day and i barely got between her and the belt buckle and at THAT point i knew i had to get out.. fast. So,i rang women's aid who promised me the world and more in support. Yes, they did get the police escort into place to see me and the children safely leave and go on our way to the motorway, yes, they did confirm after that we were in a safe location.. and then they left us to our own devices.
I can hear you ask what all this has to do with you.. but im getting there.. exh took me to court for contact/visitation, now "luckily" a lot of his physical abuse directed at me had been documented and police had been involved, so i had proof.. but i was told by women's aid "there is no point in fighting this, judges will ALWAYS give fathers contact rights"... i was about to give up and in and with that sick feeling was willing to hand over my kids to this vile, narcistic monster.. lucky for me, my solicitor did not let me do that. She made me sit down and listen, she got a court appointed social worker on board, who took interviews with each of the children (establishing their views that they didnt want contact), with me and ex. Now x, of course, put on his best public face for all these things. One judge actually did order interim contact, but during the hearing x couldnt hide his spots and lost it completely and started ranting and raving, so the court SAW what he was like. Pretty soon, armed with the report from the court appointed officer, he was given a NO contact order, we were placed in a court protected address (which he found out, but i reported it to the police) and he has NO hope of ever seeing his children again unless THEY wish to make contact with HIM. I too was terrified and exhausted and didnt want to face him in court.. well, they made him travel 190 miles for each court hearing and i was excused from being in the room, my solicitor represented me all the way through, i got a glimpse of him once when i had to use the bathroom and was made to wait (something he hates).. but he never once lay eyes on me or the kids. So in our case, his narcistic nature wasnt being fed...
What im trying to say is, dont just take it all for gospel.. yes, a LOT of the time judges go one way, but sometimes, putting up a fight, standing your ground and saying "Listen to US, put aside the rule book and look at THIS individual case" will and does help. Get some legal counsel on your side and dont hand over those babies to a lunatic like that. He may have donated his sperm but he doesnt have to snare them into his insanity.. document, document, document.. if hes an addict, find the proof you need (bank statements, pawn shop receipts..) one thing i have learned with AH is that he isnt very good at keeping it as secret as he thinks, they make HUGE mistakes, they think they can hide it from us and we dont see but we DO and there is your proof for the courts.
Good luck!!!
I can hear you ask what all this has to do with you.. but im getting there.. exh took me to court for contact/visitation, now "luckily" a lot of his physical abuse directed at me had been documented and police had been involved, so i had proof.. but i was told by women's aid "there is no point in fighting this, judges will ALWAYS give fathers contact rights"... i was about to give up and in and with that sick feeling was willing to hand over my kids to this vile, narcistic monster.. lucky for me, my solicitor did not let me do that. She made me sit down and listen, she got a court appointed social worker on board, who took interviews with each of the children (establishing their views that they didnt want contact), with me and ex. Now x, of course, put on his best public face for all these things. One judge actually did order interim contact, but during the hearing x couldnt hide his spots and lost it completely and started ranting and raving, so the court SAW what he was like. Pretty soon, armed with the report from the court appointed officer, he was given a NO contact order, we were placed in a court protected address (which he found out, but i reported it to the police) and he has NO hope of ever seeing his children again unless THEY wish to make contact with HIM. I too was terrified and exhausted and didnt want to face him in court.. well, they made him travel 190 miles for each court hearing and i was excused from being in the room, my solicitor represented me all the way through, i got a glimpse of him once when i had to use the bathroom and was made to wait (something he hates).. but he never once lay eyes on me or the kids. So in our case, his narcistic nature wasnt being fed...
What im trying to say is, dont just take it all for gospel.. yes, a LOT of the time judges go one way, but sometimes, putting up a fight, standing your ground and saying "Listen to US, put aside the rule book and look at THIS individual case" will and does help. Get some legal counsel on your side and dont hand over those babies to a lunatic like that. He may have donated his sperm but he doesnt have to snare them into his insanity.. document, document, document.. if hes an addict, find the proof you need (bank statements, pawn shop receipts..) one thing i have learned with AH is that he isnt very good at keeping it as secret as he thinks, they make HUGE mistakes, they think they can hide it from us and we dont see but we DO and there is your proof for the courts.
Good luck!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Losthope, thanks. I can't believe I only posted this last night. Isn't it funny how time moves when you're in a crazy space and a lot is happening? I could have sworn it was days ago. I have an update post coming tonight. I'm so glad to hear you triumphed...gives me hope.
And CodeJob, thank you too! I LOVE doing the brackets. I decided I'm going to make several of them- and on each one we'll write what it stands for-- e.g., racing go-karts, going to a ball game, etc (they can pick the "prizes). We'll track the winner and then do the winning activity together. I love having sports on in the background and haven't turned them on in forever. Thanks for this idea!
And CodeJob, thank you too! I LOVE doing the brackets. I decided I'm going to make several of them- and on each one we'll write what it stands for-- e.g., racing go-karts, going to a ball game, etc (they can pick the "prizes). We'll track the winner and then do the winning activity together. I love having sports on in the background and haven't turned them on in forever. Thanks for this idea!
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