lettingonow

Whats the best way of getting your emotions to settle down when you are under verbal attack? This person is doing everything they can to push my buttons and Im finding it challenging to center myself. I want to fight back! What I don't want is the loss of energy or control or how I feel after I lose my temper.

LG

suki44883

Can you just leave for a while? Take a walk? Get in the car and go somewhere? Get away from the situation?

lettingonow

Hi Suki I can turn Facebook off which is where its coming from as private messages. Unfortunately I can't do this for long it's thats a big part of my business. Touging it out is my only option I just hate how it makes me feel, drained and sad and angry.

LG

Theophania

How about some breathing exercises? Do you meditate? Maybe you could do a quick meditation to centre yourself? I always find that when someone is pushing my buttons it is really easy to fly off the handle and explode however at times in the past when I have been more in control and level headed I found trying to be understanding of someone who is abusing me and learning to realise when someone treats me badly its not a reflection of me but a reflections of them. I can only be responsible for my actions and how I treat others...

tootsl1

lG, you are fighting back, by retaining control. The fact you are rising above a slanging match may be enough to stop the person after a while. Without knowing the background it is difficult to know what to suggest.

lettingonow

I think its an anxiety attack that Im having. This is an old friend who turns threatening and nasty when she is angry. Frankly I don't need that I have a lot of other things to deal with. Im confident enough to know I can do better than friends who would talk to me like that. Honestly though it's scary. I was physically hit when I was a child and learned to fear anger, years of work has improved this fear but I think it's still there because I find it physically incapacitating and feel dread and like I have to do something (adrenalyn). I think if I can stayl calmer inside I can deal with this but its so damn hard for me.

lettingonow

Many time confrantations cause me to tremble violently. It's embarrasing. I try to avoid them. I dont ever lose control but it's terribly uncomfortable. Flight or fight my body is reacting.

Sara21

I don't have FB so I apologize if this is a dumb question, but can you unfriend them or block them from contacting you?

lettingonow

Hi Sarah yes sure did. I didnt wan't to but it was just going on and on. I shouldn't have answered so many times. Ugh it so hard to do the right thing or know what that is sometimes. I guess that why its called "Recovery". Im breathing and it is helping, TY for reminding me to Theophania.

Ann

The best thing to do when any situation triggers anxiety is to remove yourself from the situation. You did well to detach and next time it will be easier.

Personally I like to have a plan to put into place when I am triggered. If it happens in person I will go to the ladies room and plan my escape then walk or go home, depending on where I am. If it's a conversation, I don't engage and walk away.

We don't have to leave ourselves vulnerable and the more we practice this the stronger we become.

Hugs

zoso77

After reading through the posts, I'm going to take a hard line. Make of it what you will.

If someone is deliberately trying to push your buttons, you remove yourself from the situation and you ice them until they smarten the hell up.

At work, our lab manager is a very difficult personality, and all of us have walked on eggshells with this guy for way too long. So one day, he tried to push my buttons. And I wasn't having any of it. So I walked out of the office. Later on, I went into our boss's office and I told him straight up that I was no longer going to enable this guy to be a jerk.

Inevitably, the lab manager tried (insincerely, I might add) to apologize a week later, and I told him calmly that he was full of sh*t, he does this all the time, and enough was enough. He ended up not talking to me for something like six months. But when he does talk to me, he knows not to pull any crap like this.

Do not tolerate verbal abuse. When you're ready to deal with her, be assertive when you do so. Hold your ground, and tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with that sort of abuse. Ever. And if she doesn't like it, there's a hole in the wall called a door. Point to it.

Like I said, this is a hard line. And like they say in Al Anon, take what you like and leave the rest.

Good luck, and stay safe.

ZoSo

lizwig

I have found there are a lot of bullies in this world. Few people call them on their nonsense and when they do...they become completely indignant. I've done the same as Zoso with a co-worker. She still behaves passive aggressively but not to me anymore...but I watch her do it to others. She knows I will call her on it point blank...no hesitation. Wish I would have called her bluff years ago but we all arrive at different times. Be the change. I'm glad you blocked her...I can see her mouth hanging open in disbelief!!

outtolunch

You can block this person on FB, no?

lettingonow

I did. It was hard to do. I am feeling stronger now. I felt guilty like I was getting rid of her but the behavior was just over the top. I don't deserve to be treated that way. She never even gave me a chance to explain and just jumped into threats and insults. I hope she gets her head out of her ass someday. I would have apologized and empathized with her if I'd been given the chance but I wasn't. What else could I do? I feel more peaceful now even though its hurt me to block her out yet again. It just seems keep happening with this person. I strongly suspect there is some chemical use behind these outbursts.

~LG