dizzle00

I'm such a mess right now. My husband is currently in his second rehab for his heroin addiction. Things have been hell ever since I found out about his addiction. He relapsed pretty much straight out of his first rehab, now that I know the signs I could tell when he was using but he continued to lie and lie, to me, to his sponsor, to his family, employer and mostly, to himself. I've grown sicker and sicker. This time I thought maybe, just maybe things would be different. He drove himself to rehab, checked himself in, then sure enough, he called and wanted to leave. He hung up on me and walked out of the facility but did end up going back. This was my breaking point. He has no idea what our family has gone through. I keep finding more and more paraphernalia around my once nice peaceful and safe home. I packed up my cats and as much stuff as I could and left. When he called me yet again telling me all the reasons this place wouldn't help him, I told him I was going home to my parents for awhile. He told me to have a nice life and hung up on me again. I'm so sick, and afraid, my poor cats are terrified having been uprooted from their home. I can't help but feel guilt for bailing. I really love this man, he's been my soulmate for over 12 years but now he's a stranger. I have to face him tomorrow when I go and tell him goodbye. How on earth am I going to get through this? I'm leaving my job, my friends, my whole life behind.

allthatsgood

Drizzle, I'm sorry for what you are going through right now but the good news is that your husband I where he needs to be...in rehab, where they can help him. The most I portent thing nownisnwhat you are going to do for yourself to help you. To get you some peace, some recovery. It's all about you right now and getting yourself some help.

allforcnm

Im sorry for what your going through. Maybe you should wait about talking to him for a bit, give yourself some time to gather your thoughts. He is where he needs to be, hopefully he will stay and you will have some time to focus on yourself in a peaceful environment.

We recently adopted a pair of cats, and we were given a calming aid to spray in their new environment. There is one called Rescue Remedy, and another called Feliway. Maybe you could try this if the cats don't calm down soon.

Ann

I think you are wise to put distance between you right now and surround yourself with the support of your family. It's hard to see clearly when our vision is clouded by chaos.

Go home, find meetings and support for yourself, and let him work on himself as you work on you.

A few months from now, you will both see things more clearly and can decide if the relationship is worth mending or is so broken it cannot be fixed.

Good luck dear, this must be heart breaking for you.

Hugs

Kindeyes

After divorcing my AXH and losing our house to foreclosure, I headed to the right coast to surround myself with the love and support of my family 3,000 miles away. I left my job, my friends, my life, and a man I had one blind date with behind.

I spent six months with my family healing and gaining perspective.

And then returned to the left Coast that I considered my home. I eventually married that man I had the blind date with before I left and have been with him for 28 years (he is not an addict).

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is traumatic. I share my story to give you hope. We can find happiness again....but getting there can sometimes be he77.

gentle hugs
ke

atalose

You are doing what you need to do in the moment you need to do it. So you've got yourself, your kids, cats loaded into that life boat and beginning to paddle away......why go back to the sinking ship for a dramatic good bye??? That ship knows exactly why your in the life boat.....keep padding away from it not back towards it.

Txhelp

It was to painful to stay wasn't it? I have been there and many of us have similar experiences.

So glad that you are here to vent and/or process what you are going through.

He needs to figure this out on his own.

You care for yourself and figure out things along the way. There is no rush.

overit263

I did it, and you can do it too. This is the hard part with the anger, guilt, confusion, etc. but I promise you it gets better once you get through it. Lean on us here, we'll help you out! I get on this site daily because it has been an immense help.

Eve13

Dizzle, those are a lot of ties to cut at once - job, friends, marriage, home. I am so sorry for your stress and what you have been through. One day at a time, just put one foot in front of the other and take it bit by bit. The big picture is overwhelming, but if we just focus on today and what we need to do, it gets easier.

dizzle00

Thank you all for your support. This is beyond a doubt the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I have about 10 million thoughts running through my head but I'm trying so hard to slow down and worry about today only. I went and saw him in rehab today and it was incredibly painful. Lots of tears but he agreed we can't we together right now and that he is glad I'll be in a safe place. My heart is shattered for both of us and our families, our dreams, the man he was, etc. Addiction is a horrible, horrible thing that robs people of their beautiful souls.

Vale

Your SR pals will always be here for you.....and they will ALWAYS understand.

Twofish

Agree with Vale! We will never leave you or give up the support you need. Take care of YOU right now. Your pain must be overwhelming you. Breathe. Take care, TF

zoso77

You get through it by deciding you're going to get through it. That doesn't mean it's not going to suck, because it will. That doesn't mean it won't hurt, because it's going to hurt like hell. What it does mean is you're not going to allow someone's addiction to bring you down with them. The hardest decisions we have to make are decisions that we don't want to make but have to for the sake of our emotional well-being. And that's where you are right now.

Addiction to opiates is an extremely powerful disease of the mind, the body and the soul. My hope is your husband searches for the light and saves himself. And my hope for you is that you do what is necessary and protect yourself. Please keep us in the loop as things progress.

ZoSo

Vale

Zoso hit it dead on, you get through it by DECIDING to get through it.
One of my all time favorite quotes (Napoleon?)

"Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious....than to be able to decide."

dizzle00, we ALL know how much it hurts. That's why we are here. But the time comes
when we don't want to increase the source of our hurt any longer. When we decide
to disallow further hurt into our lives, the hurt by no means stops right away----but in
time it does. Promise.

Gentle hugs, my friend.

Hadley

All we can do is keep moving forward. I have found that slowing down and trying to notice the little things in life has helped me get through the harder moments. Living with active addiction makes life seem so cruel and stressful..the first day I sat outside and just looked out at the trees I was amazed to notice the leaves had changed colors and how pretty it all looked. (sounds sappy but noticing something as small as the trees helped me have a moment of peace..and we all need those moments especially in the harder points of our lives).

I knew I needed to leave my ex months and months before I actually did, but I kept going for that last good bye, that last conversation to get it all out, that last conversation where we make a plan to get our lives back on track...and all any of that ever did was buy him another day to manipulate me, another week of hell, another month of moving backwards instead of forwards. I know we all want closure, but every time we go back to get closure we take a chance that instead of closure we will just get sucked back in and keep putting ourselves in an unhealthy situation. No contact has been a life savor for me and although I sometimes want to pick up the phone and have the talk, I remind myself that making that call might end up with a "lets meet up", "can I just stay one night", "I need a favor", "I have no place to sleep", "I have no food", etc. etc. and I can't risk getting sucked back in again.

Please put yourself first because you deserve to be happy, we all do

sevenofnine

you will get through it one bit at a time.

Mountainmanbob

so sorry for your situation
the addict makes and leaves so much wreckage

unless he can stay sober for a year or more
there is not much hope for this man
I have known many to throw all the good in their lives away
addicts are known well for self deception and destruction of all around them

best to take care of yourself (best you can for now)

MM

dizzle00

I just want to say that I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude at all the support you guys have already given me.

The cats and I are settling in at my parents two states away from my husband right now, while I try to regain my strength and sanity and THEN I will figure out what comes next. My work was nice enough to grant me a three month leave of absence so some things seem to be falling into place.

I am still a wreck of course--I am in mourning for the life we had and I know I will be going through a grieving process. I cry my eyes out one minute, then I'm angry, then I'm hopeful, and so on.

I hope that things will get clearer now that I am mostly removed from the situation, and I hope that soon I too will have wisdom to share with other people who are hurting on this site.