LoveMeNow

Thursday, March 14, 2013

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Trusting Ourselves

Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery. Who do we trust? For what?

The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.

There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves; we are off base and out of whack. There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.

Fear and doubt are our enemies. Panic is our enemy. Confusion is our opposition.

Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.

We know what is best for us. We know what is right for us. If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that - but only by trusting where we are today.

We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.

Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, and stand in our own light. We have it now. Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.

Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do. When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth.

God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion - the enemies of self-trust. Help me go forward in peace and confidence. Help me grow in trust for you, and myself one day at a time, one experience at a time.

DylanS

Thanks for this post - Serendipitous timing...

My counselor asked me about this just a couple of days ago, after I'd been venting about how frustrated I was with all I was doing (self-help type work). And the question posed was, "What do youwant to do?" It's sad to admit how baffled I was by this question, "Want to do? What do you mean?"

I've lived most of my life by sheer determination, by will and Sergeant Carter type self-talk. I exercise 'x' days a week because it's good for me and I should; I eat 'xzy' because it's good for me and I should; I have a long list of To Do items because they need to get done and I should; I go to the movies because I told someone I would and I should.

In my search for security, grounding and to make sense of the chaos that was my life, I've lived by rigid structures and "shoulds". I researched diet, work, meditation - all manner of things, and then built a brittle, rigid recipe for living. For lack of knowledge of any other way to live (other than absolute self-indulgent chaos), this is what I found to try and make my life work. This was my approach to life for many, many, years. And, I guess it worked in that I didn't sink into my couch and oblivion, but there was very little of the good stuff that makes life worth living: vibrancy, authenticity, fun, joy.

But now, it's no longer a viable strategy to live my life. I remained in a job for 6 years that was so wrong for me I ended up having what used to be called "a nervous breakdown". It was good pay, I worked with good people, etc., so I stayed because "I should". I'm now convinced that the last 6 years of misery and the resulting breakdown was due to living by the "should" strategy.

I'm now, at 49, attempting to learn the skill of trusting myself, trying to learn the language of my own self. I'm trying to learn to interpret what a feeling of reticence actually means, to accept the disappointment and even judgment of someone who's used to my absence of opinion (or to my capitulation to theirs) and not get blurry or splatter them with my fear. I'm trying to learn basic things like what I really want to eat (not just "what I should", or pendulum swing into, "Eff it - I'm eating the entire garage."), what I really want to do, what I really feel.

It's embarrassingly juvenile, but this is where I am - taking the first baby steps of learning this skill.

Thanks again for the post.

Ann

I knew my recovery was strong when I discovered that I could stand in my own truth...even when I stood alone. My values, my knowledge, my recovery all belong to me and are part of my truth and it doesn't matter if anyone agrees with what is right for me, what matters is when I am confident in standing in my own truth and making choices that are right for me.

Hugs

needingabreak

Dylan,Wow can I identify everything you posted! I learned from my T that we need to interchange the word "should" for "can." It's funny but something that sounds so incredibly simple doesnt always seem so. MY T told me I did not HAVE to do everything I felt was expected of me. I don't? It was almost like I got permission to do what I WANTED and not what I felt others wanted from me. I have always been the care taker and the giver. A huge codependent that felt responsible for everyone else's happiness. I felt like she actually gave me the permission to say no. What a relief! I have found as is true with what this thread is about-always trust yourself, your gut and what your higher power may be trying to show you or tell you. I believe our gut is our higher power (but that is JMHO). Thank you for sharing.

ctopanga

Thank you so much for posting this. I have been so anxious about the fact that I cannot trust my boyfriend, but maybe I need to concentrate on trusting myself first.

sevenofnine

I love the light e nought or today, new light will come tomorrow, and the idea that even if I end up changing my mind its ok.
And Ann- so true, I don't care if my mom thinks I should stay married to the guy who ran off three days before the wedding to relapse, and nine years later still thinks a little cant hurt or some other baloney. As long as I know it's baloney, that's enough. I am the judge of me and my life, and completely qualified for the job.