Powerless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 71
Powerless
As I got in my car today and began to drive to my studio I hit "shuffle" on my iPod and the song "Powerless" began to play. I didn't get very far before I had to pull over. I sobbed for about 10 minutes, then put my big girl panties on and got back to a safe place in my head.
I just wanted to share this, because it's the only thing I can do right now.
Powerless
You hid your skeletons when I had shown you mine
You woke the devil that I thought you'd left behind
I saw the evidence, the crimson soaking through
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose
And you held it all. but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side
Powerless
I watched you fall apart and chased you to the end
I'm left with emptiness that words can not defend
You'll never know what I became because of you
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose
And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless
And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless
I finalize realize that I am powerless. Powerless over my husband's addiction and drug abuse. Powerless over how much I love him and how much I am letting that love fuel my codependency. I am powerless over how alone I feel right now. No matter how much I try, no matter what I do to keep my thoughts on positive things, I always end up thinking of him. Then thinking of all the pain his addiction has brought into my life. All of the lies, the betrayal, the heartache, the fear, the anxiety. At the moment I am just powerless.
I just wanted to share this, because it's the only thing I can do right now.
Powerless
You hid your skeletons when I had shown you mine
You woke the devil that I thought you'd left behind
I saw the evidence, the crimson soaking through
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose
And you held it all. but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side
Powerless
I watched you fall apart and chased you to the end
I'm left with emptiness that words can not defend
You'll never know what I became because of you
Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose
And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless
And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall
You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless
I finalize realize that I am powerless. Powerless over my husband's addiction and drug abuse. Powerless over how much I love him and how much I am letting that love fuel my codependency. I am powerless over how alone I feel right now. No matter how much I try, no matter what I do to keep my thoughts on positive things, I always end up thinking of him. Then thinking of all the pain his addiction has brought into my life. All of the lies, the betrayal, the heartache, the fear, the anxiety. At the moment I am just powerless.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Accepting that we are powerless over others, drugs, addiction is the first step in a powerful program, PA. Step 1 "We admitted we were powerless over others and that our lives had become unmanageable".
Finally understanding what that means and accepting that it is exactly how it is just may be the biggest of all the 12 steps and a good foundation on which to build the others.
Admitting powerless over others means that we cannot and do not have the power to control anyone else or their choices in life.
That said, we do have the power to make our own good decisions, to decide what is healthy and wise for our own lives and then take the steps necessary to regain our balance and live our lives well....regardless of how our addicted loved ones choose to live theirs.
Letting go of the illusion of power over them gives us back the strength, courage and power over our lives. We get to decide what is best for us.
Hugs
Finally understanding what that means and accepting that it is exactly how it is just may be the biggest of all the 12 steps and a good foundation on which to build the others.
Admitting powerless over others means that we cannot and do not have the power to control anyone else or their choices in life.
That said, we do have the power to make our own good decisions, to decide what is healthy and wise for our own lives and then take the steps necessary to regain our balance and live our lives well....regardless of how our addicted loved ones choose to live theirs.
Letting go of the illusion of power over them gives us back the strength, courage and power over our lives. We get to decide what is best for us.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 71
Ann,
Thank you, you are so right! Although I feel pretty crappy and sad right now, I also feel just a bit stronger, a bit more focused on the task at hand - getting MY life back. I bleed codependency, and I battle it every day just as my AH battles his addiction, but being able to finally admit that I am completely powerless over him is somewhat relieving. I know this is going to be a very difficult process for me, but I know I can get through this. I have a long road ahead of me, but knowing that freedom from all this insanity is at the end of the road is all the motivation I need.
Thank you, have a great day
Thank you, you are so right! Although I feel pretty crappy and sad right now, I also feel just a bit stronger, a bit more focused on the task at hand - getting MY life back. I bleed codependency, and I battle it every day just as my AH battles his addiction, but being able to finally admit that I am completely powerless over him is somewhat relieving. I know this is going to be a very difficult process for me, but I know I can get through this. I have a long road ahead of me, but knowing that freedom from all this insanity is at the end of the road is all the motivation I need.
Thank you, have a great day
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