Lily1918

It is true. Its a hard truth.

interrupted

The progression can be stopped, but it cannot be stopped BY YOU.

The way I read that, though, is that telling someone to "go research rehabs for him online" is of questionable value when suffering and endangerment has progressed to threatening levels. Because there is no moral ambiguity about a flight response to a direct threat to ones health or safety, or that of one's children. Pretending there is seems disingenuous. That's my understanding.

crazybabie

I take my marriage vows very serious when I was 25 I was diagnosed with post-par-tum depression which later led to a diagnosis of panic attacks with agoraphobia and Bi-polar I told my husband if he wanted a divorce I would understand. Never during his days of using did he tell me he would understand.

This, subject could be debated to death seeing everyone has different views on religion etc..

I personally do not believe God as I understand God would want me to live a life of misery.

BlueChair

I never said I could stop the progression. But maybe we did when my husband relapsed. He was missing, and it was a group of family and friends that tracked him down and got him to the hospital, where it was found he had internal bleeding, an infection, and the put in critical care. The doctor there who I think has over 20 years experience said if he hadnt got to the hospital he probably would have died in that place. And now he is in rehab where he can get help, and the rest is up to him.

Also, before we married he told me about his past drug use and how bad it got and he never wanted to go there again, but he insisted we have a prenup in my favor in case to protect me. Since he has relapsed and been in rehab, he has told me I dont deserve this, and I should leave him so I do have to be a part of it. But no Im not.

jacrazz

What she said^^^
I'm tired of the excuses! I'm also on the fence with the Codie theory as well! IMHO

story74

Personally I believed in marriage vows. I fought for my marriage and my son having a father. But, the man I spent 16 years with chose drugs. We haven't seen or heard form him in a year. When it boils down to it, when you are talking about someone with drugs you are not talking to someone who is rational. They will lie, manipulate, cheat and steal. They don't care. It becomes not about vows, God or even family. There are no morals or ethics when dealing with an active addict. It becomes about living a healthy, safe life. I just fear for the child. What happens when the child is 1 and the father is not being a good role model. How many years will you accept less then acceptable? Because your child will see and will emulate their father. That's my biggest concern. Raising another future addict. We all get so wrapped up on the Norman Rockwell life. Yes, you made a commitment, but so did he? What is he doing? really doing? Denial is very very powerful Be careful not to make excuses and accept less than acceptable.

jacrazz

One sided marriage vows, us to the addict and the addict to his DOC! That sounds like healthy relations, NOT.

I am an ACOA and my mom remained on the merry go round, I had a child with an A, stuck it out and guess what? drumroll please......My child is currently in recovery.....TRUE STORY!

Ann

This is a sensitive topic that may trigger some members.

May I remind you all to post respectfully or don't post at all. Thank you for understanding.

Vale

SR is a moderated board. That is the only reason I came (or stayed).
The internet has many places that are unmoderated, where 'virtual
cockfights' are neither rare nor low intensity. There, one is free to
hurt, wound, slander, and relish the carefree existence of 'prison
rules'.

But not here.

Empathy is a high order trait. Please keep in mind that although the
words are virtual, the hurt is not. If hurting people is your thing.....then
possibly SR is not the venue for you. Many of our dear friends are in
crisis with a full plate and they DO NOT need someone rolling
grenades into their tent.

When I said SR was moderated, I misspoke. What I meant to say is that
it is WELL moderated.....unsurpassed in troll sniping (even the pseudo-clever
ones that change their handles----style & syntax are not that hard to
recognize).

ES&H. Experience, support, hope. If you are in need of any, SR is your place.
But no weapons or other instruments of hurt.

Addiction has hurt us all ENOUGH.

We don't come here for that......we're not in the market.

ElChupacabra

I've always had a problem with this notion that alcoholism or addiction is a disease by itself. A controversial comment maybe, but picking up a drink or any other substance is ultimately a choice we make, as it seeking treatment for it.

I personally don't agree that the approach to addiction should be the same for every person. People have different reasons why the become addicts. Some because of life events and then find themselves chemically dependent, others who do not react that stage of chemical dependance but find themselves substance abusing for reasons such as mental health or disability. So really I think more consideration needs to be given to what is a disease and what is not. Mental health certainly is a disease and a very nasty one, and I think when that is the cause of the addiction families and partners should honour those vows. I think the problem is that it's easy to brush every addict under the same carpet and ignore the causes. It's a touch of "oh well, you chose to pick up a drink so your anxiety/depression/lack of self esteem (or whatever else) is now irrelevant", when often the substance abuse is a symptom of the true illness not the disease in of itself. As hard as it is I think sometimes family members and partners needs to be more willing to listen to what is said (assuming the addict is open about their emotions) as often the person is going through a type of pain that will subsist even without drink or drugs.

Just my thoughts.

jaynie04

I do believe that more lies below. I suffer from anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD, sleep issues and 2 diseases that cause chronic pain. I am a bit over 3 months sober. The fog is starting to lift and finally, finally I can work in tandem with my doctors to tackle these issues. When I was lying to my doctors about my drinking or masking my pain issues with benzos the best doctor on earth couldn't have started to sort out my issues. I would wager that a significant chunk of the issues I listed above ,as well as some that I didn't include, are the result of growing up with a narcissistic alcoholic mother.

I don't really worry about whether it is a disease or not, it doesn't change the most important fact for me, I cannot drink like normal people. I have to do my part, not drinking is a huge part of the solution to the problem I am looking to solve. Not drinking is the medicine I take every day.

Ann

I asked for respectful posting and did not get it. I just removed 6 disrespectful posts.

This thread is now closed.