devvi

Hey! If anyone could please offer me any insight and/or advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. My ex suddenly got really hooked on coke about 2 months ago. He was out with friends and texted me about doing it one night, and after that he blew me off for the better part of 2 months. Nothing happened at all between us...no fights/arguments/etc. One minute everything was perfect, and the next he was gone. A few days after he disappeared, he texted me wanting to come by my house to collect his things he had there. This was after he had been up all night partying. I wouldn't let him come over and offered to drop it off at his parents' house. He freaked out and threatened to have the cops called on me if I went there and that he would tell my kids' father about (non-existent) "habits" I engage in, in front of my kids. He loves my kids and knows their father is a douchebag, so I can't believe he would actually do this...let alone say it. A couple of weeks later, he came by to get his stuff and got angry with me because my neighbor (who was at my house when he threatened to tell my kids' father those lies) threw his pot pipe away that he had left here. He freaked out and cursed me out and threatened to kick my neighbor's a$$ even though I had offered to pay him for it. That was 4 weeks ago. I had heard that his parents found out that he was doing coke and that he had stopped partying 3 weeks ago. So, today, I texted him asking him how he was, and he responded that he was fine and asked why I was texting him. I asked him if he didn't want me to text him. He responded so hatefully: "why would you think I'd want you to text me? Did I text you once since I told you to f@#k off? What makes you think I would want to see your name on my phone for any reason?" I can't believe he would respond this way. I thought he was so agro with me because he was on coke, and he's admitted in the past that he doesn't like to do it and go out because it makes him want to fight people. But if he's been off of it for 3 weeks, shouldn't he not be agro anymore? I really thought he would've felt guilty for the way he treated me which is why i reached out to him today...just to show there's no hard feelings.

He turned into a completely different person when he started doing coke. He went from this sweet, caring guy who loved and was so protective of me and my kids to a guy who just disappeared and would be agro, threatening and angry whenever he would reappear. And when he did come to my house to get his stuff, he said he didn't even want to see my kids. But I thought once he stopped using it, he would change back into the amazing person he was. Is this not the case? Why is he so angry and hateful towards me? And still after being clean for 3 weeks? What can I do to get him to come back to being the incredible guy i know he is? Please, if anyone has any insight into this...please, please help!

Thank you so much! xo

suki44883

You can't. Sounds to me like he is showing you exactly who he really is and I think you deserve much better and your kids certainly do. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but honestly, he is doing you a huge favor by breaking ties. He can bring nothing to you or your kids other than misery.

Ann

It's unlikely he just woke up one day and decided to go on a coke binge, my guess is he has been doing this before.

He has made it clear he doesn't want to talk to you or see you...honestly, I think that's a blessing you just cannot see right now.

The best thing you can do is move on. To try to stay connected to someone who talks to you like that and is actively addicted is a big mistake.

Hope you can find some clarity here and see that you are much better off without this person in your life.

Hugs

devvi

Thank you so much, suki44883, for your reply. I understand where you're coming from, but don't you think that since addiction is a disease, then the real/healthy person is the person they are when they are sober and not under the influence of drugs/alcohol?

devvi

Thank you, Ann. I'm just trying to figure out what I could've done to make him hate me so much. He certainly won't tell me.

And you're right...he has done this before. He had a coke problem when he was away at college about 2 years ago causing his parents to take him out of school and move him back home. And about 1 year ago he had a problem with molly. To say he has an addictive personality is an understatement. :-(

I, too, hope for clarity which is why I came on here. This is my first foray into forum posting of any kind, and I'm just now learning about having an addict in my life. I'm not dealing with it too well...I almost feel like I'm grieving him in the way that you grieve someone who passes away.

AnvilheadII

he has a history of addiction, coke, molly, whatever. I doubt sincerely that he only started using again two months ago and then had such a radical change. I suspect more he was trying to be something he wasn't, couldn't maintain, and now reverting to his old habits, he shown you his ugly side.

BELIEVE IT. you do not want someone who just checks out. who becomes hostile and mean. regular normal people don't DO that. and you should not tolerate anyone who does that TO you.

be done with him. your life and your children's life have no room for such inconsistency and anger. for any reason. yes he did you a huge favor. he's gone. let him go. shake it off and move on with YOUR precious life.