sweetaxiom

Let me start off by saying this: I have no idea what drugs my sister was using while she was abusing drugs. We were never particularly close [Complicated by the fact that I am on the autistic spectrum and have trouble reading social cues and such] during the past few years and she always had money troubles. She has been in a methadone clinic before.

My sister is in a self sufficient rehab facility [in exchange for work, doing chores around the place and group meetings]. She had no contact with us for 30 days [their rules].

I met with her the other week. And again yesterday. I felt like... I was meeting this stranger.
This complete stranger was in my sister's skin.
I have no idea what to make of this, but for now I am keeping my emotional distance. If she wants to talk, that's okay.

The reason I joined was because I have trouble pretending things are okay when they are not. I hated what her addiction was doing to Mom and me, last night I realized that.

I really do hope that she remains sober and I could use some advice on helping her remain sober and coping with the side effects of her disease.

jjj111

Sweetaxiom, my sister is addicted to opiates, so I know this must be difficult. It has been so frustrating for me to watch my sister struggle over the years. I have lived in a different state from her for years, and I sometimes go to see her and have that same feeling you have, that she has become a different person. Sometimes she has gotten very skinny from the drugs, sometimes she has put on weight and looks healthier. It can be pretty scary! And my sister's addiction has affected our entire family. My mother has passed on, but when she was alive she didn't want to believe that my sister was a drug addict and would often try to help my sister, and would get upset with me for not wanting to do the same. I got tired of my sister's problems and wished she would help herself. It has helped me over the years to talk to a therapist who could affirm what I was seeing and feeling when other people in my family denied it. I'm sure other people on here will also give you advice on dealing with this difficult situation. Hugs! -JJ

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR......there's lots of great information on this forum.

It's good that your sister is in treatment. Hopefully she'll stay clean and sober. She will change as she embraces sobriety. Time will reveal more.

The most important thing you can do for yourself, you Mom and your sister is to take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

jjj111

Bump! How are you doing, Sweetaxiom?

sweetaxiom

I'm doing okay. One day at a time.

jjj111

I hope you keep coming back! I will be interested to hear how things go with your sister. I think that having a sister who is using drugs is a little different than a husband or a child. I am here mostly because of my sister, too. I find it difficult because I was close to my sister when we were kids, but she and I have always competed, too, and I think that she resents me because I have been more "together." Sometimes I want to distance myself, and sometimes I feel sad that we aren't closer. Anyway, I don't know if you can identify with any of that, but I will be interested to hear how you are feeling.

sweetaxiom

My sister talked to me on the phone today. She told me she was using drugs for the past 10 years, ever since our Dad died. But over the past couple of years she has been on meth. She's getting clean right now in the Salvation Army ARC.

She wants to come see us this weekend and spend most of Saturday with us.
Can anyone give me an idea of what to expect?

jjj111

Sweetaxiom, I think it's kind of a positive step that your sister wants to be honest with you about the drugs she has been doing. Meth is a "speed" type of drug, so you may have noticed while she was on it that she had trouble sleeping, was irritable, or even delusional. It's hard to say how she will be feeling during her visit. It may be difficult for her to come home. She may have an urge to use drugs. Or she may be just happy to see you. How do you feel about her visit? Are you excited to see her, or are you worried or sad or angry?

interrupted

My sister is also addicted to drugs. Heroin, primarily. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly what you might expect, I haven't yet met up with my sister in active recovery. More recently I actually thought she had maybe overcome her addiction, or was doing well, because we did have a long talk and it went very well, but I'm having to force myself to pay attention to the actions, not the words, and my hope may have been premature (again). When I think about how I would handle meeting up with her I try to focus on a couple of things.

Most importantly, I want to keep my focus on how I am feeling and what I am doing. I don't want to spend all of my time with her hunting for signs of abuse. This is extremely difficult for me, so it will take a good deal of effort, and I don't even know if it's possible. I don't mean ignoring obvious nodding, I mean all of the CSI detective work that we have a tendency to get caught up in.

I don't want our meeting to be confrontational, and I don't want it to end in hurt feelings on either side. There will be time to work through our troubled past, but the first time I see her in a very long time is not that time. I want her to know that I love her, that I have always and will always love her. If she is active in recovery I want her to know that I admire her strength and courage. At the same time, I'm not going to drop all of my caution with her in early recovery, and it is my right to protect myself and my feelings. If I am ever uncomfortable with the situation, I will politely excuse myself.

Mostly, I just want to spend normal family time with her, shooting the breeze, catching up. It's so weird to even think about this because there is still so much cognitive dissonance going on with this situation. I don't even know exactly how to describe it. I want to relax and enjoy being with her, but I'm not leaving my purse lying around, if you know what I mean.

Good luck with the visit, I hope it goes well. Others here have family members that have had success with the Salvation Army program, I hope soon your sister will be counted among them.

sweetaxiom

She said she'll come visit home when she's ready [Saturday hopefully. I will understand if she backs out]. I'll let you guys know what happens.

sweetaxiom

So we went out for sushi and took the dogs to the dog park. It was an overall good time.

jjj111

That sounds like low stress fun! How did you feel when you were hanging out? Does she still seem like a stranger?

sweetaxiom

A bit. I didn't linger when I dropped her back off over at the ARC, but mostly because I wanted to get home and didn't like driving at night.

jjj111

That was nice of you to drive her back. It must have been strange to do normal stuff with her if she has been on drugs for a while. Meth can make people pretty difficult to be around!

When my sister talks about getting help, I always feel a little confused. I want her to get better, but I don't like to hope too much because I am afraid of being disappointed.