New here, Not sure if I did the right thing by leaving...

Old 08-23-2013, 04:40 PM
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New here, Not sure if I did the right thing by leaving...

I just left my boyfriend of 1.5 years and I'm not sure I did the right thing.

He's admitted he's addicted to marijuana, and he knows I have a problem with it (my father is addicted to marijuana) so he never smokes around me. In the beginning of our relationship he mentioned that he'd struggled for years trying to quit and so I encouraged him and he tried quitting. He was able to stop smoking for around 2 months, but woke me up in the middle of the night crying and said he was sorry, but he just had to smoke again but promised it wouldn't be as much as before.

He's 26 and I'm 24 and we don't live together. After one and a half years of dating however, we were at the point of moving in together, and he just couldn't quit smoking.

It's not like he smokes every day, he smokes on the weekends, but when he does, he smokes a lot (I think). He spends around $250 a month on marijuana. I dont know... is this a normal amount? I noticed a lot of people my age smoke, am I just being too judgemental?

I just asked him one day at which point would he quit in his life. At first he said by the time he was 30 or had kids, but then he said that he doesnt see anything wrong with smoking past 30 or with kids, as long as the kids aren't present.

I started envisioning a future life with us married and kids running around the house with him locked in the bathroom smoking pot (like my childhood was) and just couldnt take it.

I'm so worried about him. He's also extremely depressed and has mentioned suicide to me several times, but refuses to seek any help for his depression.
I'm worried breaking up with him has sent him over the edge.
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:31 PM
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Restoring myself to sanity
 
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AS an ex wife to a drug addict, I have to say that you absolutely made the right decision to end things.. It's normal to second guess things when you end a relationship with someone you care about but you are right in your decision.

You are not responsible for his happiness, unhappiness, nor his control over pot..

I'm on the fence about pot, I really am.. I don't think its any worse then alcohol really, then again alcohol has caused much self destruction and ruined many relationships and lives so really one is just as bad as the other.. however, smoking pot is illegal in all states but two and in most states if you are caught with it you are arrested and it can be a felony depending how much you have on you.. and of course lets not forget that most jobs require you to pass a drug test in order to be employed and if you are smoking pot on a daily basis, more then likely you are not passing that drug test.. when you want a future with someone, you want someone that is gainfully employed not someone who is getting by.

Some say that pot is a gateway to harder drugs.. maybe it is, maybe it isn't but if it is effecting your relationship with him then you have the right to say, I'm not going to accept this kind of behavior..

Please keep posting here and hopefully some of the others will have some good advice for you
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Old 08-23-2013, 06:38 PM
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Hes so sweet and I just miss him so much, and I can barely get through the day without crying. He has gotten a medical marijuana card so he smokes more now.

He got laid off from his job and freelances and works from home so he started smoking during the work week.

He has become so unmotivated lately and depressed. And he's become irritable around me. I'm not sure if its because of the pot or not.
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Old 08-24-2013, 06:06 AM
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Originally Posted by laur24 View Post
Hes so sweet and I just miss him so much, and I can barely get through the day without crying. He has gotten a medical marijuana card so he smokes more now.

He got laid off from his job and freelances and works from home so he started smoking during the work week.

He has become so unmotivated lately and depressed. And he's become irritable around me. I'm not sure if its because of the pot or not.
It almost doesn't really matter if the pot is responsible for how he is acting. The important part for you is, no matter what the reason, is his behavior upsetting to you and do you want to live your life with this behavior in it?

It also sounds like it is getting worse.

I always wonder why my AS's girlfriend stays with him. Yes, he is a wonderful person when he is not on drugs but how about when he is? That is the reality. I think she is 'in love' with what she 'wants' him to be. It is sad all the way around...I hate drugs.

Kari
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Old 08-24-2013, 07:51 AM
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He was smoking pot long before you came into his life and he will continue to smoke pot long after you are goneÖÖÖ..because that is HIS chosen way of life.

You were not put in his life to save him from himself. It was never your job to change him or his way of coping with life.

You entered a relationship and discovered that HIS habit does not work for you in your life. You donít want the same thing he does. You want to be fully present in a mutual loving and trusting relationship, he wants a relationship where he can escape from his anger, frustration, emotions and heís found that with pot.

Itís sad when relationships donít work out, we have lots of emotions to work through, we cry often and in time the pain becomes less.

I think you are in tune with what you want and donít want in life and thatís great! You mentioned drug abuse growing up and how strong of you right now today to realize NOT to repeat that history. It takes allot of strength to end a relationship and courage to keep it ended.

I donít like to be manipulated, itís emotional blackmail and itís an emotional weapon they use to get what they want. Donít allow his blackmail of suicide threats to keep you hostage to his addiction.

You are not his salvation because if you were heíd be clean by now. Keep reminding yourself of that. He knew what was on the line and he made his choice it wasnít the choice you wanted him to make heís not the right person for you.
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