amber915

I woke up and didn't see him in bed so I sat up and saw him on my bedroom floor with a needle in his hand. He didnt say anything he just stared at me. I don't know what to do I'm laying in bed right now shaking about to throw up <\3

incitingsilence

Addicts use, this is what they do. Seems so normal to me, because if he is an addict, surely he will use. You being in the room isn't going to stop that.

What would there be to say ... hey I am sorry I need my fix. Again addicts use.

Now you are going to have to ask yourself is this how I wish to wake every morning? Because I can't say it enough, if you are involved with an addict then you know they are and you will be subjected to them using, high, coming down, in wd....recovery, relapse rinse repeat....whatever their cycle in the moment. If you do not wish to be involved, then you don't and you don't need to to explain yourself and are more than welcome to remove yourself from the situation.

You are free to opt out at anytime.

MiSoberbio

When I first started out here on SR, I received very similar advice, which, at the time, I thought was brutal... but now I can only say that this is the most helpful insight for you right now, amber915. Although your boyfriend may someday seek recovery, until that time comes, this will be your life. And I, for one, can say that shooting up in your bedroom will probably seem to be a mild inconvenience after you've gone further down that road with him.

I certainly didn't want my (ex-)partner to do the things he did -- I certainly didn't want him to progressively get worse – in fact, there was a mountain of "I don't wants" that I thought had some sort of power over reality. But I was powerless, like everyone else, to change reality. I let myself go through hell because of my hubris ("mi soberbio" in spanish), and only when I began to accept things as they are did I begin to exit that horrific place.

If you started posting here, it means that your discomfort has gotten to the point that you needed to "do something" about it. For your sake, I hope you learn to listen to your discomfort closely, to understand where it comes from and where it leads you. Whether or not your boyfriend's behavior changes for the better does not matter –- what's important are your motivations, your decision-making process, and your acceptance of reality.

YouWillBe

It's hard when you are side-swiped like that...really hard.

But...if you don't say or do something now, you've just given him permission to do it again, and again...

amber915

I can't even sleep at night ever since then. I wake up every hour to make sure he's okay and hasn't over dosed I'm so tired I just want to tie a bell on him so I can sleep and just be woken up if he moves. I can't keep going like this I don't know what to do.

terryr97

If you think you're upset now, wait until you've lived like this for months or years. Like so many on this forum who have, including myself, it will change you for the worse until you're paranoid, angry and beaten up mentally. Like has been said already, if you stay with him, then you're telling him it's alright to shoot up in the bedroom. Next it'll be the living room, maybe he'll have his friends over to do the same, maybe he'll lie, cheat and steal until there's nothing left.

I don't know anything about you but, if it's your place, can you kick him out? If it's his place, do you have somewhere else you can stay? Because, trust me, when it comes to shooting heroin (or any other substance or addiction), you will never come first in his life and your love will not "cure" him. He will not get clean, no matter what you do (beg, plead, cry, yell, shame him, etc.) until HE wants to get clean. Don't believe the "I can't get clean without you" line because thats all it is. A line to keep you hooked.

If you choose to stay with him, I would suggest you go to Alanon or Naranon so you can talk with others that have been where you are now and listen to their stories. I hope the best for you but I would run as fast as you can away from him.

February13

I am really sorry for what you are going through.

Going to Alanon gave me the strength I needed to leave.

crazycoda

If you are still with him you will probably experience this again so you need to prepare yourself for this. You need to set some boundaries. No needles in the house, no drugs in the house and definitely do not give him money. He needs help and if him shooting up scares you (as it would anyone) then you need help to either leave or set very strong boundaries. There are lots of 12 step groups which are free and can really help. Stay strong for yourself