findingpeace87

It's almost been a month since by ex has been out a rehab and living with his parents. I haven't seen him since meeting with him and his counselor which he didn't call me until a week after he got out. We have been speaking everyday not he sounds great and even mentioned how well I sound too. I know he's staying clean and sober and we both are taking things one day at a time in both of our recovery's. I know he needed to go back home to get himself together but I'm afraid that his families need to constantly keep him busy and babysit will be too much for him. Not to mention they have made things too easy on him to begin with, he didn't have to look for a job he's working for his cousin, didn't have to save up for a car he is going to "buy" his moms even though the last one he bought she put the down payment down and paid all of his payments, didn't have to buy a cell phone she added him to his plan. I keep quiet as much as I can but it kills me sometimes. Since he actually for once completed something she once again opens all doors for him after spending the money for him to go to rehab. The day I dropped him off the admissions counselor even mentions how much "she wanted it too badly".. I have made it clear to him that I choose not to have any communication with her, if we are to continue whatever we have it will be with the two of us and us only. I do not want her calling when things get tough and she doesn't know what to do with him. For the last five years he has been "my problem" and as soon as he gets clean it's okay to allow him to live with her. I just hate knowing that he's living in an environment where everyone in the entire family drinks heavily it's just setting him up for failure and I refuse to be the fall back plan. He wan'ts to visit at the end of next month too see some of his friends graduate from rehab and plans to stay with me. I will not allow him to come into my home unless I know 100% that he is clean. Which means going to meetings every day and not drinking or drugs in my home as well. I"m just tired of being seen as the negative one when really it's just about being realistic. How can you expect someone to grow without allowing them to, or getting off the merry go round as they say. I know that I"m off the merry go round and SR and meetings have helped me to do that. I just think it's too much too soon for everyone luckily I'm 1900 miles away I have my peace and sanity...just not looking for anyone to shake that up!

theotherhalf

did you stay with him through rehab?

findingpeace87

Yes I stayed through rehab, packed all his stuff even the things his mom said he wanted even though shw wanted them for him and showed up at my house drunk the night before he got out.

AnvilheadII

first, I am so glad that you are 1900 miles away for it all! room to breathe.

there is really not much you CAN do for his chosen living situation and especially his parents. i'm sure they mean well......lot of parents HERE have shared the agony of the addict child. and just wanting to make them ok. and if they have their own issues it just compounds things.

again distance is a life saver! I hope he finds his way. in fact he will....whatever HIS way turns out to be. you sound concerned but detached. good for you. you are indeed finding peace!