Done_With_It

Sending you love and ((gentle thoughts)). Not your fault at all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Kindeyes

You are grieving. Guilt seems to be part of the process when someone we love dies suddenly. I felt guilty after my father's aircraft went down.....killing him instantly. I thought I should have done something to prevent him from flying that day or any day for that matter. I thought that I should have convinced him that he was too old to be piloting the aircraft he was in. I thought that I should have done something. I had to work through that guilt and so will you.

The truth is that I couldn't save my dad.....just like you couldn't save your dear friend. Grieving takes time......a long time.......there are many stages and they don't happen in a specific order........and unfortunately, no one can tell another person how long that grieving process will take.

Nurture yourself. I know my Dad wouldn't have wanted me to grieve for him as long as I did.......today.....I have wonderful memories and I'm able to laugh (he was a very funny man) but I grieved for a long time before getting to that point.

I am so very sorry for the emotional pain you are in right now. It is very hard to lose someone suddenly to addiction or a violent crash.....I eventually came to understand that there is no good way to lose someone we love with all of our heart.....particularly when they are taken quickly.

It takes time to heal.

gentle hugs
ke

Katiekate

My brothers son died of a herion overdose 10 years ago.

In his room, , when they found him he was on the floor in the positon of prayer.

It had been a long road, the sadness that envelped our family , the devastation and guilt around feelings of should of would have could have were so prevalent, among all of us.

Our hearts were broken, our souls in so much pain. He was a beautiful, child, his presence in our family was what began the journey or our families healing.

It could have happened the day before, the month before or 5 years down the line. Whether one of us were there or not, it was something none of us could have stopped. It was that needle, that drug, that push, anyway you slice it, there or not, there was no stopping that tradgedy.

You are in my heart and in my prayers dear one, this pain is a pain we share with many.

The first time I read your post, I wept, I could not post, today after reading it again you gave me the courage. I'm so very sorry for you loss.

Sending love and peace to you today and everyday ahead. Much love, Katie

AlisonW

Tattoo, my heart goes out to you. My dad was an alcoholic. I stayed by his side, turned my life inside out to be with him and do whatever he asked - he still drank. I put some distance between us and left him to his own devices, at his request - he still drank. He was court ordered to go to rehab - he still drank. He was an addict, who was unwilling to change. Nothing I did could have ever change that. He eventually drank himself to death. If love were enough to save someone, there would be no addicts. You did the best you could in an impossible situation. It's ok to grieve, but please, forgive yourself, you were fighting an unwinnable battle.

Hugs, Alison

Tuffgirl

I still have those momentary irrational thoughts when I think of my best friend who died from alcoholism last fall. Thoughts like "what if I had said [this] instead of [that], would she have had a chance then?"

But sadly, the posters here are correct. It's not my fault, nor was in within my control to affect any change.

Peace and hugs to you today. So very sorry for your loss.
~T

Sara21

This was a battle you could not fight for him because the battle was WITHIN him. Wherever he is, he knows how much you loved him and how much you tried to help him. Don't torment yourself with what if's, he would not want that for you.

Hugs