Angelscry

Hi My RAH wants to by a car and he needs about 6000 I really want to help him because we need a car and its for the benefit of the family. He will pay me backin monthly installments. I don't know if I should I want to but he has only been clean for 2 weeks and that is sort of his pattern. He says he is trying then for a little while 2 weeks to be exact ever thing is normal and then after that he relapses again. I'm sorry to say but I can't trust him anymore. He says he is going to stay clean and then he uses again. Like I said I want to help him, my heart says yes but my head says no.what do you all think? Please any advise will be appreciated. We are in the honeymoon phase as they say, he is almost his normal self again and I don't want to do something that I will regret.
TxA

interrupted

I would wait. That's a whole lot of money that you may never see again. Perhaps he can save up, now that he's not spending his money on drugs? If he saved as much as he was spending, it should add up quick. Also, think of what a sense of accomplishment he will have if he handles this on his own. I think that boost of self-esteem that can only come from unassisted accomplishment is really valuable in recovery.

atalose

Other then his lips moving saying he’s going to “try” and stay clean, what else is he doing to help with that cause?

If addiction were only that easy to “will it away” and just stop – there wouldn’t be any addicts.

I’d hold onto your money and if it’s something he truly wants – let him work hard on his recovery for it.

sleepy22

Sorry you're having to deal with this angelscry...

I would treat any business transaction like a business transaction - if he can't get a loan to pay for the car, I wouldn't try to assume the role of a bank. It'll only lead to more responsibility and it sounds like you have a family that needs you! You're already going through enough.

What is his past history of paying you back or paying anyone back?

Good luck!

Ann

Please hold onto your money. If YOU need a car, buy it for you and put it in your name and insure only you as a driver and don't allow him to ever drive it, until he has at least a year clean. That will solve the family need without him taking charge.

If you could not keep the car from him, then wait until his actions follow his words and he gets at least a year clean.

You will do what you feel you want to do in the end, but please trust the experience of those who share here and save your money.

Hugs

AnvilheadII

NO.

of all the things he should be considering doing, buying a SIX THOUSAND DOLLAR automobile is not it. that's just nuts. he's not even 2 weeks off methamphetamine, if he is to be believed at all!!!!! you don't GIVE addicts things they can sell or trade. you have CHILDREN to take care of, house, feed, clothe, raise. think what 6 K can do FOR THEM.

he can take the damn bus or get him a bicycle. please, don't be foolish. cuz THIS IS FOOLISH to even consider. sorry, there i said it.

2 weeks off meth is NOT normal. not even close. it's been so long since you've seen normal your concept is skewed.

YearForMe

If he had 1 year of solid sobriety and recovery and working a program.....
then...maybe...but probably not even then

BECAUSE.....

If he had that year...he would probably have the money to buy his own car.

bigsombrero

If he wants a car, he can buy one.

LoveMeNow

Just last week, you were "hating" him. Now you want to help him. Can you see the roller coaster you are on? Trust me, I get it! I try my best now to stay off that roller coaster and stay on solid ground.

cleaninLI

Angle,
I am NOT acusing your husband of using. I am an addict and that was one of my strategies for coming up with large amounts of money to feed my painkiller addiction. I swindled my father and husband out of thousands of dollars borrowing money under the pretense of car loans, car insurance bills, mechanical work needed on my car. Every dime went to pills.

Protect yourself and your family. As Ann said, if you need a car, put it in your name. Otherwise hubby needs to wait and prove that he is indeed recovering.

OneNightAWeek

I would wait. It sounds like he has been a chronic relapser in the past? Why would the car have to be titled to him? is he going to be paying anything on it, or is it all money from you?

Sara21

I also agree that you should wait. It's too soon in his recovery and he may be tempted to use the money for something other than the car.
Good luck.

Angelscry

Thank you all for your comments. It really helped, like LMN said I'm on a bit of a roller coaster ride. I am confused that's why I turned to you guys. I spoke to him and told him its best if he buys the car himself. That I cannot afford to help him financially right now. He was fine with it and said he will go to the bank and take out a loan. Once again thanks for the advise, I guess I just needed confirmation, like I said my heart said yes but my mind said no, its not a logical thing to do. I would have been foolish indeed.
Hugs to all.
A

Hammer

just wait a second . . . .

NO CO-SIGNING, EITHER!

Just figured somebody had to say it.

Carlotta

Not at 2 weeks. What if he drove it under the influence and killed someone? Not only might you be legally and financially accountable but you would also have enabled him to hurt someone else. Would you be able to live with yourself knowing you gave him that weapon?

Angelscry

Thank you for bringing that up Hammer, he did not ask but if he does it will be a no.

StormyWeather33

Angelscry,

Please don't do it. I made that mistake with my AXBF. I took out a personal loan for $10,000, bought the vehicle and put it in his name. I thought if he had some confidence, blah, blah, blah, it would help him be strong enough to work his recovery. Fast forward two months later - he sold it and used the money to get high. Of course he lied about it and told me it was in the shop, etc. But the bottom line is: I'm paying a loan for 3 years. Please, please don't do it.

Angelscry

Thank you Stormy, I am so glad I posted this question. The whole car buying thing was a huge mistake, one that I thankfully don't have to pay for because for once I took the advice I was given. He was sober and promising not to use again, said he was going to get his life together now and you know against my better judgement I believed him. Now he is back to using drugs again, and people at work are starting to figure it out and if he doesn't quit soon he is going to loos his job and he will be stuck with the debt. He took a loan at the bank, I asked them will I be liable if he cannot pay and the said no, I am glad about that. He bought the car and now and I am just so glad I did not help him. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this, and thank you for warning me.
thanks,
A

AnvilheadII

i hope you continue to protect and preserve your finances. have you considered additional steps you might take as he continues to use again and again? if he loses his job? gets the car repo'd? gets deeper and deeper into drugs?