Help me please
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 13
I am very sorry for your heart break right now. I wasn't an addict until about 2 years ago and until then addicts disgusted me and I didn't understand and I thought it was just that they were lazy and weak. I am now an addict myself and I truly understand how powerful addiction is and that it is a disease just like any other. Regarding the Hep C and/or HIV the doctor wants to repeat it probably in a 3-6 weeks b/c some people's bodies don't develop Hep C or HIV antibodies until then and the most popular testing available now is antibody testing b/c it's relatively quick and cheap. If I were you I would also get tested. Regarding the Hep C there is only about a 1% transmission rate sexually but the HIV transmission rate sexually is much higher (I don't have exact statistics but women are at higher risk than men sexually b/c of our anatomy). The good news is that neither is a death sentence and there are many good treatments for both out there which can let people lead a long and fairly healthy life. I hope if you stay with your husband you will attend a support group for family members of addicts. No one truly understands addiction or dealing with an addict until they have experienced it themselves. The one positive thing my addiction has done is that I am much more empathetic to my addicted patients and try to help them instead of judge them. Hang in there. It sounds like the doctor's are taking good care of him and if he was overall a healthy person will likely pull through just fine as long as he can abstain from drug use in the future. Good luck and drop a line any time.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Thank you for the replies Mooselips, Pravchaw, Allforcnm, addictedmd.
Mooselips: He understands that he needs help, but he wants to come home and he thinks he can get some help outpatient and by going to meetings or something. But everyone else is agreeing he needs more if he is to be able to get this under control. I think you are right that I do need to tell him outright. I think in a way he knows I agree with everyone else who has been telling him, but its like he wants to comfort me and say that it is not that bad, he will just do this and be fine, and life will go on as normal. But I know it wont, he almost died because of this.
Allforcnm: Thank you for sharing about your husband.The positive outcomes give me hope. 3 months seems like so long to me. I cant figure out if life will stop, if I will be in limbo, if either of us will change while we are apart and we will end up apart forever. But he has to get better, and I cant live with him disappearing and maybe finding him dead.
Pravchaw: I just finished reading the book Beautiful Boy and it was written by the father of a drug addict. He started with weed and ended up on meth. Their family went through a lot, but reading the book put a lot in perspective, and the book talked a lot about how it is a disease. Im going to read his next book, and then I found out the son also wrote a book called Tweaked. Im going to read it too. Have you read any of these? I am going to try to begin picking myself up and I have to go back to my work this week. It is going to be hard, and I hate to not be here while he is in the hospital still because I know I wont be able to see him much once he is in rehab. He is about an hour from where we live but I am going to drive back and forth after work.
Addictedmd: Thank you for your post. I will send you a message if you dont mind. I think I now have enough posts. I am still worried about the Hep and HIV test, maybe not as much as I was but still worried. I did get tested last week because the doctor here suggested it. He had gone missing once before this and he admitted to shooting up. But I didnt think about him sharing needles or anything else. I will have to be retested too they said. Im really afraid he cheated in me while he was missing and getting high. I dont know and Im trying not to think about it right now. We did all go to a family meeting that was held at the hospital one night last week. His dad wouldnt stay and left, but his mom and I stayed until the end. I cried through a lot of it. I may try to go to some more in time, right now I am lucky to have my friends and family offering a lot of support and understanding.
Mooselips: He understands that he needs help, but he wants to come home and he thinks he can get some help outpatient and by going to meetings or something. But everyone else is agreeing he needs more if he is to be able to get this under control. I think you are right that I do need to tell him outright. I think in a way he knows I agree with everyone else who has been telling him, but its like he wants to comfort me and say that it is not that bad, he will just do this and be fine, and life will go on as normal. But I know it wont, he almost died because of this.
Allforcnm: Thank you for sharing about your husband.The positive outcomes give me hope. 3 months seems like so long to me. I cant figure out if life will stop, if I will be in limbo, if either of us will change while we are apart and we will end up apart forever. But he has to get better, and I cant live with him disappearing and maybe finding him dead.
Pravchaw: I just finished reading the book Beautiful Boy and it was written by the father of a drug addict. He started with weed and ended up on meth. Their family went through a lot, but reading the book put a lot in perspective, and the book talked a lot about how it is a disease. Im going to read his next book, and then I found out the son also wrote a book called Tweaked. Im going to read it too. Have you read any of these? I am going to try to begin picking myself up and I have to go back to my work this week. It is going to be hard, and I hate to not be here while he is in the hospital still because I know I wont be able to see him much once he is in rehab. He is about an hour from where we live but I am going to drive back and forth after work.
Addictedmd: Thank you for your post. I will send you a message if you dont mind. I think I now have enough posts. I am still worried about the Hep and HIV test, maybe not as much as I was but still worried. I did get tested last week because the doctor here suggested it. He had gone missing once before this and he admitted to shooting up. But I didnt think about him sharing needles or anything else. I will have to be retested too they said. Im really afraid he cheated in me while he was missing and getting high. I dont know and Im trying not to think about it right now. We did all go to a family meeting that was held at the hospital one night last week. His dad wouldnt stay and left, but his mom and I stayed until the end. I cried through a lot of it. I may try to go to some more in time, right now I am lucky to have my friends and family offering a lot of support and understanding.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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support or advice welcome
My husband is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow morning. I went back to work this week, and every night after work I have been going to see him, talking. His mom has been there are lot too. He is feeling better now both from the withdrawals and from the infection he had. We have all been talking to him about going to rehab - the doctor, me, his parents, my parents, his friends, his boss. He has agreed to go, and we had an appointment set up for Saturday at a place that sounds really good, and looks really good. I went there with his mom and we had a tour and talked to them. But last night he was begging to come home only for the weekend. He says there are things he needs to do before he does this, he wants to be alone with me, and he is scared. His parents said no way is he going home. He probably has drugs stashed here and would have access to them. He could take off, or once he is home then refuse to go into rehab. They finally gave in today and said we could stay the weekend at their house, and from there we would leave and take him on Monday. It hurts so bad for him to just want to come home and have a few days before he goes. He agreed to a 90 day treatment because the doctor said because he was shooting such powerful drugs he has to have more than a month or he didnt feel it would work. My husband will be gone for 3 months. I am still in shock over this. I just need some encouragement I guess. Am I doing the right thing not letting him come home? Any ideas on what I can do to make this easier for him? I have already got a lot of things that he can bring with him into the rehab and have been trying to get things to make him feel more comfortable and have things from home. Thank you in advance
Last edited by BlueChair; 07-18-2013 at 04:48 PM. Reason: spelling
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Yes, you are doing the right thing by not letting him come home. Its a shame his parents finally gave in.
DO NOT go out of your way to bring him things, etc., or to make him feel more comfortable. He's in rehab because he needs to work HARD on his recovery- its not a vacation. When he was shooting up and missing for days, how worried was he about you or his parents?
I get it, I do. When my son left for rehab, I packed him books and new clothes, etc. I wanted him to be comfortable while he was doing this hard thing that I didn't really understand. His Dad and I visited every chance we were given- driving long distances to do it. We love our addicts and its our nature to nurture them because they're sick. But, it doesn't help. I cringe how at how hard I worked to help make his rehab experience more comfortable.
Take this time to work on you. Educate yourself on addiction as much as possible. If he's going to recover he's going to have to work hard. I'm not too impressed, so far, as he manipulated and complained until he finally got his way and didn't go straight to rehab. He needs to want this bad and be willing to do anything and everything to get sober.
DO NOT go out of your way to bring him things, etc., or to make him feel more comfortable. He's in rehab because he needs to work HARD on his recovery- its not a vacation. When he was shooting up and missing for days, how worried was he about you or his parents?
I get it, I do. When my son left for rehab, I packed him books and new clothes, etc. I wanted him to be comfortable while he was doing this hard thing that I didn't really understand. His Dad and I visited every chance we were given- driving long distances to do it. We love our addicts and its our nature to nurture them because they're sick. But, it doesn't help. I cringe how at how hard I worked to help make his rehab experience more comfortable.
Take this time to work on you. Educate yourself on addiction as much as possible. If he's going to recover he's going to have to work hard. I'm not too impressed, so far, as he manipulated and complained until he finally got his way and didn't go straight to rehab. He needs to want this bad and be willing to do anything and everything to get sober.
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