Don't know what to do ....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
Don't know what to do ....
Hi Guys,
Well, nothing has changed in the grand scheme of things. Mum continues to drink, stepdaughter continues to suffer. SD saw her Hidden Harm Worker yesterday, away from our home, and later left a voicemail saying she wanted to discuss some issues that had arisen from her meeting with SD. I asked SD if there was anything she wanted to tell me prior to speaking to her HHW, and she told me she is self-harming again, but to a larger extent. I hugged her, told her we loved her and said we would like for her to tell us when she's harmed herself because we won't shout or get angry.
Anyway I spoke today to her HHW, and she told me that she was particularly worried as SD has a best friend who also self-harms. We knew this anyway and SD certainly does look up to this girl. Their friendship is strong, and SD has told me that when her friend self-harms her parents aren't sympathetic and say she's only doing it for attention. SD said she felt lucky that we are supportive of her when she self-harms.
The HHW is going to ring again tonight when my husband is home to speak more about this relationship SD has with this girl. What worries me is that we cannot do anything to prevent their friendship .. as we all know, if you tell a teenager they cannot associate with a particular friend then that causes a whole heap of trouble and they associate anyway, but secretly.
Just wondered if there are any pearls of wisdom out there?
Well, nothing has changed in the grand scheme of things. Mum continues to drink, stepdaughter continues to suffer. SD saw her Hidden Harm Worker yesterday, away from our home, and later left a voicemail saying she wanted to discuss some issues that had arisen from her meeting with SD. I asked SD if there was anything she wanted to tell me prior to speaking to her HHW, and she told me she is self-harming again, but to a larger extent. I hugged her, told her we loved her and said we would like for her to tell us when she's harmed herself because we won't shout or get angry.
Anyway I spoke today to her HHW, and she told me that she was particularly worried as SD has a best friend who also self-harms. We knew this anyway and SD certainly does look up to this girl. Their friendship is strong, and SD has told me that when her friend self-harms her parents aren't sympathetic and say she's only doing it for attention. SD said she felt lucky that we are supportive of her when she self-harms.
The HHW is going to ring again tonight when my husband is home to speak more about this relationship SD has with this girl. What worries me is that we cannot do anything to prevent their friendship .. as we all know, if you tell a teenager they cannot associate with a particular friend then that causes a whole heap of trouble and they associate anyway, but secretly.
Just wondered if there are any pearls of wisdom out there?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Invite the SD's best friend over to your house more. Let her get comfortable and possibly she will become comfortable with your and her father enough to confide in you. Obviously she does not have that at home.
Maybe invite her along on excursions your as a family take. Include her with y'all and she will start to feel like maybe she does have a caring family after all, just not blood. It is very hard with teenagers.
Projecting now, but if the HHW suggests limiting or stopping this friendship, I am with you on this one, NOPE not the way to go at all.
I suspect that SD is harming herself more, because of the way she feels about this whole situation with her mother. One minute she is feeling she should have been able to fix her mother and that this is all her fault and the next moment she is angry because her mother is an alcoholic. And with teenagers even very stable well adjusted teenagers when feelings like these start to argue within them they get very upset and lash out or self harm. I shudder to think how bad it would be for SD if she did not have you and her dad giving her a stable life.
I just think inviting the SD's friend over more and more and including her in your family will go a long way for the friend!! Might be a good part of what she needs is to feel loved and cared about and not judged. Seems she would certainly get that in your family!!!
Wish I had more.
Love and hugs,
Maybe invite her along on excursions your as a family take. Include her with y'all and she will start to feel like maybe she does have a caring family after all, just not blood. It is very hard with teenagers.
Projecting now, but if the HHW suggests limiting or stopping this friendship, I am with you on this one, NOPE not the way to go at all.
I suspect that SD is harming herself more, because of the way she feels about this whole situation with her mother. One minute she is feeling she should have been able to fix her mother and that this is all her fault and the next moment she is angry because her mother is an alcoholic. And with teenagers even very stable well adjusted teenagers when feelings like these start to argue within them they get very upset and lash out or self harm. I shudder to think how bad it would be for SD if she did not have you and her dad giving her a stable life.
I just think inviting the SD's friend over more and more and including her in your family will go a long way for the friend!! Might be a good part of what she needs is to feel loved and cared about and not judged. Seems she would certainly get that in your family!!!
Wish I had more.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
Doh, just re-read your message & you meant we should invite SD's friend round more! Sorry, been a long day. Sounds like a good idea, its very difficult & as you said, even teens who have no parental issues lash out. Self harming seems to be prevalent in her age group, and I know someone whose daughter went to a self harming party!!!
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