Shiek

Hey everyone, hope you are all doing well and keeping strong and having a good start to your summers, recently I wrote a post about how I left my crack cocaine addicted ex, well a couple days after that he "claimed" he was getting help, things seemed legit, he seemed to be solid in his mental state but tonight he did crack again (durr I am sure he was doing it the whole time but I had hope), texts and calls me, behaving like a complete lunatic and displaying suicidal behavior, I am human so yes, I do get emotional about this but I refuse to let him see me break, after a while the whole thing is just too stupid to deal with, he is like a man-child who won't grow up and can't seem to stop going from one EXTREME TO THE OTHER (clearly because he is an active user), one day he is remorseful and I see a glimmer of hope the next day he is a total demonic wingnut, I think it's time to completely sever any communication with him and block his number, nothing I can do, and all I am doing is setting myself up for disappointment. It hurts me to do this, and I cry a lot of my days and it's still hard to imagine the person I love most in the world not in my life, but I am physically and mentally exhausted. I take care of mentally ill people for a living I shouldn't have to be in a relationship with one too!

Also a fabulous new update on the current situation, his mother has been told I hate her and now she thinks I am a piece of crap even though I have been unwavering and there for them both through all sorts of serious situations, she enables the hell out of his addiction and does nothing to stop it (he is living at home again fyi), they are both ungrateful people and it makes me sick to think I cared for them both, they deserve one another.....(I think they are both using my as the scapegoat to ignore the real issue, the addiction, aslong as someone is to blame everyone will feel better in that house, and I am the one getting nailed to the cross in this situation)

Thanks for reading, I appreciate having all of you to talk to and this wonderful site since I am too shy in rl to go to a meeting about this or tell anyone about my problems...

Ann

Shiek, sometimes it takes repeating the lesson many times before we finally "get it". For me it was about 120 times, I'm a slow learner.

I really hope you can find the courage to move past this. You deserve happiness and bright days ahead.

Hugs