My Sister Is Addicted To Pain Killers HELP!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 3
My Sister Is Addicted To Pain Killers HELP!!!!!
Hello all I am New here my Sister is addicted to prescription pain Killers and it has been in my face now for a few Months and I have been so slow to catch on There I have admitted what I already know BUT I don't know where to start to get her help or who to talk to.
Our Parents are both up in age and disabled and Our Mother has dementia I recently discovered my Sister has been misusing her Social Security Checks and My Mother now pays her Utilities her life and Car Insurance which puzzles me My Mother would NEVER do those things for any one of her Kids.My Sister Often Yells and screams and cries for reasons I cannot understand.
Today I confronted her when I had no other choice she was Yelling at my Mom and she begin to Yell at me we were trying to buy food for the Children when she got upset because My Mom would NOT give her money she went ballistic talking about the past she even became Physical.I explained to her that I was freaking tired of her taking things out on me when she can't get her way and I told her she needed to get some help I told her she was worse than a crackhead and no one owes her anything get some freaking help only thing I regret is both of my young Nephews both heard and saw me tell her this and all she can say is she would never have done that to me.
I am not sure where to turn to or who to talk to I am afraid she will OD on something and I will inherit two young Children that I cannot take care of at this point I am at my wits end Please anyone that has been there help
As far as I know she will take anything pain pills whether they are mine my Mothers or other relatives and she's even buying Oxycontin which scares me to death because I know it is deadly and whats worse is other People see it because the Kids behavior at School has changed at this point I will accept all advice Thanks for taking out the time to read this and Please overlook my bad typing skills I am typing this with both eyes full of tears
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Our Parents are both up in age and disabled and Our Mother has dementia I recently discovered my Sister has been misusing her Social Security Checks and My Mother now pays her Utilities her life and Car Insurance which puzzles me My Mother would NEVER do those things for any one of her Kids.My Sister Often Yells and screams and cries for reasons I cannot understand.
Today I confronted her when I had no other choice she was Yelling at my Mom and she begin to Yell at me we were trying to buy food for the Children when she got upset because My Mom would NOT give her money she went ballistic talking about the past she even became Physical.I explained to her that I was freaking tired of her taking things out on me when she can't get her way and I told her she needed to get some help I told her she was worse than a crackhead and no one owes her anything get some freaking help only thing I regret is both of my young Nephews both heard and saw me tell her this and all she can say is she would never have done that to me.
I am not sure where to turn to or who to talk to I am afraid she will OD on something and I will inherit two young Children that I cannot take care of at this point I am at my wits end Please anyone that has been there help
As far as I know she will take anything pain pills whether they are mine my Mothers or other relatives and she's even buying Oxycontin which scares me to death because I know it is deadly and whats worse is other People see it because the Kids behavior at School has changed at this point I will accept all advice Thanks for taking out the time to read this and Please overlook my bad typing skills I am typing this with both eyes full of tears
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have come to the right place.
Please read the sticky posts at the top of the forum. Keep reading as much as possible and post here, too. You will begin finding helpful answers and also support.
Many here have been in your shoes.
I am sorry that you are in this situation but very glad you found the forum.
Peace and prayers,
Hanna
Please read the sticky posts at the top of the forum. Keep reading as much as possible and post here, too. You will begin finding helpful answers and also support.
Many here have been in your shoes.
I am sorry that you are in this situation but very glad you found the forum.
Peace and prayers,
Hanna
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Welcome to SR,
There are many wonderful people here with a ton of experience, you will find great support here.
Please protect yourself and your parents. My drug addict sister should not be allowed to manipulate your aging parents. Check our NarAnon or AlAnon meetings in your area, it is great to get face-to-face support.
I hope for the best for you.
There are many wonderful people here with a ton of experience, you will find great support here.
Please protect yourself and your parents. My drug addict sister should not be allowed to manipulate your aging parents. Check our NarAnon or AlAnon meetings in your area, it is great to get face-to-face support.
I hope for the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Welcome Anonn1,
So sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, addiction stinks!! First and foremost you need to take care of you, mentally and physically – addicts can wear you down to were you feel you are going crazy. Second, your parents needs protection from your sister, she seems to have found a “well – money” to support her habit. Look in your local area for “Senior Protective Services” and speak to some one there regarding the situation with your sister taking your mothers social security checks. Make sure that no papers have been signed by your sister or mother regarding your sister being on her bank accounts or anything like that. Then try and get your mothers social security checks direct deposited into her bank account. Also, see if your parents have an attorney or if they have signed any kind of paperwork regarding living wills, living trusts, power of attorney to anyone – hopefully not your sister.
As for her children, is the dad or his family in the picture at all?
It’s so hard to understand especially when our emotions run our engines but arguing or trying to reason with an active addict is near impossible so you may want to save your breath instead of going back and fourth with her.
((hugs))
So sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, addiction stinks!! First and foremost you need to take care of you, mentally and physically – addicts can wear you down to were you feel you are going crazy. Second, your parents needs protection from your sister, she seems to have found a “well – money” to support her habit. Look in your local area for “Senior Protective Services” and speak to some one there regarding the situation with your sister taking your mothers social security checks. Make sure that no papers have been signed by your sister or mother regarding your sister being on her bank accounts or anything like that. Then try and get your mothers social security checks direct deposited into her bank account. Also, see if your parents have an attorney or if they have signed any kind of paperwork regarding living wills, living trusts, power of attorney to anyone – hopefully not your sister.
As for her children, is the dad or his family in the picture at all?
It’s so hard to understand especially when our emotions run our engines but arguing or trying to reason with an active addict is near impossible so you may want to save your breath instead of going back and fourth with her.
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 3
Thank You all for your responses as for The Father of the Children no he is NOT in the picture he is not well and battled addiction at one point himself,as for my Mom I spoke with her about protecting herself better BUT at this point she refuses to accept that her Baby is an addict so at this point she is enabling her BUT she will get no money from me nor my Parents account since I now have Power Of Attorney so not sure how that's going to work out.Sister tried the I see it in your eyes you hate me routine told her no I don't hate you I HATE what you have become and I HATE your addiction.I NEVER thought I would have to go through something like this.I did contact the School Principle I felt very small when I did but the truth is if My Friends 8 Year old Child can visibly tell that My Sisters home is in disarray I shudder to think about what my Own Nephews Think.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
WELCOME!!!! You have found a great place.
I am going to suggest something that is going to make you absolutely 'cringe.' from what you have posted it seems to be time to call CPS on your sister. Those children NEED to be protected.
It is good to hear that you have 'POS' of your parents accounts. Of course, it will not make you your sister's friend at this time.
You are doing exactly what you can and should do to help your sister. You, unfortunately cannot make her 'want' recovery. The consequences of her actions may eventually make her 'want' recovery. Including having CPS come in to protect and possibly take her children, if necessary, or by CPS putting her on a 'very short leash' with unannounced drug tests, parenting classes, and working a program of recovery on going.
There is also help for you. First check on Amazon and get yourself a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is very reasonable. Keep some 'hiliters' handy and read the book. You will be amazed at what you 'hilite' that jumps out at you.
Second, check your local area on line for some Naranon meetings, and if none are in a time frame that you can fit into your schedule then check for Alanon meetings as it is the same program, and many times Alanon will have double and sometimes triple the meetings that Naranon does.
Third, keep posting, asking questions, and most of all VENTING. Feel free to rant, rave, scream, cry and yes, even laugh. We have many many folks here with a lot of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) that have been where you are now or are where you are now.
We do understand, honest we do! And we do care so very much! Please know that now that you have posted, we are walking with you in spirit. Every time you feel down or confused, picture where ever you are at the moment FILLED with the folks from here. You will be amazed how much that can help to calm ones self in times of duress.
Looking forward to reading your posts!
Love and hugs,
I am going to suggest something that is going to make you absolutely 'cringe.' from what you have posted it seems to be time to call CPS on your sister. Those children NEED to be protected.
It is good to hear that you have 'POS' of your parents accounts. Of course, it will not make you your sister's friend at this time.
You are doing exactly what you can and should do to help your sister. You, unfortunately cannot make her 'want' recovery. The consequences of her actions may eventually make her 'want' recovery. Including having CPS come in to protect and possibly take her children, if necessary, or by CPS putting her on a 'very short leash' with unannounced drug tests, parenting classes, and working a program of recovery on going.
There is also help for you. First check on Amazon and get yourself a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is very reasonable. Keep some 'hiliters' handy and read the book. You will be amazed at what you 'hilite' that jumps out at you.
Second, check your local area on line for some Naranon meetings, and if none are in a time frame that you can fit into your schedule then check for Alanon meetings as it is the same program, and many times Alanon will have double and sometimes triple the meetings that Naranon does.
Third, keep posting, asking questions, and most of all VENTING. Feel free to rant, rave, scream, cry and yes, even laugh. We have many many folks here with a lot of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) that have been where you are now or are where you are now.
We do understand, honest we do! And we do care so very much! Please know that now that you have posted, we are walking with you in spirit. Every time you feel down or confused, picture where ever you are at the moment FILLED with the folks from here. You will be amazed how much that can help to calm ones self in times of duress.
Looking forward to reading your posts!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 6
I am right there with you. I wish I could help. I am just as lost. My brother is addicted to pain pills, I suspect his wife is addicted to something that makes her eyes roll back in her head. I have been trying to bring it to the surface for so long it is causing me to be outcasted in my family. My mother will not admit, because they deny deny but I witness it with my own eyes! Someone did call CPS on them, not me, and of course it was unfounded because they warn people before they come. Not that I want them to lose their children, but to force them to see what harm they are actually causing everyone. Not just them. My mother enables them so they don't have to work or take care of their kids. Her justification is that she can't just let the kids live that way, so why not take the kids from them? It could be the rock bottom they need. She doesn't want them to be mad at her.
So, not that I am any help in this matter but you are certainly not alone. It's sad how much of an impact these people are having on the innocent and with out much care in the world because the drug and all the enablers around them make them think nothing is wrong at all...
So, not that I am any help in this matter but you are certainly not alone. It's sad how much of an impact these people are having on the innocent and with out much care in the world because the drug and all the enablers around them make them think nothing is wrong at all...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
I'm glad you found this us here, this place is a life savor when we need to vent, get opinions from others who are there, or just need to hear that we are not the only ones dealing with addiction since it can def. start to feel that way.
I'm happy you were able to get POA for your parents since what you sister was doing is elder abuse and down right wrong. If she continues to yell and scream at your parents there are elder abuse hotlines that can be called just like any other type of abuse. Your mom's rights need to be protected especially because she has dementia and will not be able to fight for herself.
I second contacting child protective services. Your sister's children are in danger and however bad your sister seems when you see her, imagine what goes on behind closed doors. Children are innocent victims and cannot fight for their own rights and therefore need to be protected no matter how hard it is to call child protective services on our loved ones.
As for yourself, first off, take a deep breath. As you can prob. already see, the sister you knew is no longer. She is now a self absorbed, manipulating, lying, stealing, and irrational person. She will do ANYTHING to get her drug of choice and therefore you need to protect yourself. As much as you might want to fight with her, scream back at her, and try to rationalize with her...all it will do is drive you crazy, give you aggravation, and make your head spin.
It is important for your own well being to set boundaries with her, otherwise she will most likely try to walk all over you. Addicts want us to cater to their every need, but your needs matter to. It is also important to remember that you can't cure her addiction. Nothing you do or say will change anything and you will save yourself a lot of aggravation and heartache if you try to come to terms with that now.
Keep coming back and reading and posting, it will help! The biggest thing is to make sure you take care of yourself, make sure your parents aren't being run dry by her financially, emotionally, or physically and if you think you can do it..call someone to make sure her children are safe and taken care of.
I'm happy you were able to get POA for your parents since what you sister was doing is elder abuse and down right wrong. If she continues to yell and scream at your parents there are elder abuse hotlines that can be called just like any other type of abuse. Your mom's rights need to be protected especially because she has dementia and will not be able to fight for herself.
I second contacting child protective services. Your sister's children are in danger and however bad your sister seems when you see her, imagine what goes on behind closed doors. Children are innocent victims and cannot fight for their own rights and therefore need to be protected no matter how hard it is to call child protective services on our loved ones.
As for yourself, first off, take a deep breath. As you can prob. already see, the sister you knew is no longer. She is now a self absorbed, manipulating, lying, stealing, and irrational person. She will do ANYTHING to get her drug of choice and therefore you need to protect yourself. As much as you might want to fight with her, scream back at her, and try to rationalize with her...all it will do is drive you crazy, give you aggravation, and make your head spin.
It is important for your own well being to set boundaries with her, otherwise she will most likely try to walk all over you. Addicts want us to cater to their every need, but your needs matter to. It is also important to remember that you can't cure her addiction. Nothing you do or say will change anything and you will save yourself a lot of aggravation and heartache if you try to come to terms with that now.
Keep coming back and reading and posting, it will help! The biggest thing is to make sure you take care of yourself, make sure your parents aren't being run dry by her financially, emotionally, or physically and if you think you can do it..call someone to make sure her children are safe and taken care of.
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