TabulaRasa81

My husband is still out of the house....living with his brother's family in another town. I'm not inviting him home until he has made huge strides in his recovery... which at this point I am unsure about. It seems as though he is just doing these things because he has to. I'm confused. I guess my question is.....how will I know when that is? Or will I never? I have kids to protect...so I'm not willing to ride the rollercoaster anymore. ?? Any feeling on this?

cynical one

Believe it when you see consistent responsibility, accountability, and trustworthy actions.

kelleyt

My sponsor always tells me that if someone tells u they a fruit tree !! U will see fruit everywhere !! U won't have to ask u will see it

AnvilheadII

what would your MINIMUM requirements be for someone to come in to your home and watch your children while you were not there? what type of track record would THEY need to have? if they told you about former drug use, how much consecutive clean time would they need for that to be acceptable to you? if at all?

Vale

cynical one beat me to it!

JourneyParadise

I can't answer your question I'm sorry. First off, I understand what your going through and I hope that give you some sort of comfort. Your children cannot be around someone that is dealing with a substance abuse. I completely agree.
I wonder that a lot myself, how do you really know.
I can't answer your question but I can give you my opinion. Because, I've had someone tell me that they have changed next month they are back to the way they are. Words, don't mean anything. It's the actions and a great deal of a lot of time. It can't just be a few things either, like oh they don't do this now, but they still do that. It has to be completely changed. They have to completely change their mindset. It's a lifestyle change. And, that takes a very long time.

TabulaRasa81

Thanks everyone,
I have opted to do supervised visits for now, and not weekenders, I just feel that's best, and I don't need to explain WHY? to him about it.....there are many reason that we are both aware of. I know that if he gives me a hard time about it, than he is still working from a ME place, and not considering the effects of his addiction on those closest to him. He 'sounds' at the moment like he is happily doing what he needs to, but I know in my gut that it is not real yet, it's 'acting' the part...which I get..'fake it till you make it!" however, I also know that, THAT, doesn't have to be enough for ME....I have the right to require more.....I also know that most if not all the ideas he is currently working on are provided by his family, as he is receiving a lot of support/enabling from them at this time. So. I will bide my time, put a pin in it....and see if the true SELF- initiative and decision making comes forward from him; I will focus on my self work and my kids and I wish him the best of luck...but I don't OWE him anything. Thank you

TabulaRasa81

Well, I told him how I felt...and of course he exploded......defensive, accusatory, blame... ignorant... manipulation, lie ..... hang-up.
Followed closely by the sincere deeply apologetic voicemail......
Too tired for details, must sleep
nite