Disposal of his substances
Orange Lily
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Disposal of his substances
Hey everyone.
In a moment of peace and clarity (or at least what I perceive that to be), I was sitting here writing in my journal and the inkling of the thought occurred to me to go through the AXBF's bag and jacket. What would it solve? Nothing. Would it make me feel better? No. It was my obsessive codependence acting out and I did it, without emotion or feeling or anything. Of course I found paraphanalia, what else?
Did I freak out? Not at all. Did it make me feel better? Nah. Even typing this it blows my mind just how little emotion I have towards it at this moment. I still feel good about myself- if that's any justification. I feel a little bad about giving in in a moment of weakness- a little bit of shame about it but that's it.
What I WILL say is that I don't want it in my house. He's going to do what he's going to do whether we're broken up or not. But I know that while we're still under the same roof, I don't want that garbage here.
Anyway, the crux of my question is this: do I leave it where I found it? Do I dispose of it? I don't intend to confront because let's be honest here, it won't solve a darn thing. But I did remove the stuff from where he was hiding it-- and hid it away myself until I decide what to do about it. I know it's sort of an irrational thing to do and to ask. But of all the irrational things that have happened in my life as a result of this drug nonsense, this is actually pretty rational. How sad is that!?
Thanks, everyone.
In a moment of peace and clarity (or at least what I perceive that to be), I was sitting here writing in my journal and the inkling of the thought occurred to me to go through the AXBF's bag and jacket. What would it solve? Nothing. Would it make me feel better? No. It was my obsessive codependence acting out and I did it, without emotion or feeling or anything. Of course I found paraphanalia, what else?
Did I freak out? Not at all. Did it make me feel better? Nah. Even typing this it blows my mind just how little emotion I have towards it at this moment. I still feel good about myself- if that's any justification. I feel a little bad about giving in in a moment of weakness- a little bit of shame about it but that's it.
What I WILL say is that I don't want it in my house. He's going to do what he's going to do whether we're broken up or not. But I know that while we're still under the same roof, I don't want that garbage here.
Anyway, the crux of my question is this: do I leave it where I found it? Do I dispose of it? I don't intend to confront because let's be honest here, it won't solve a darn thing. But I did remove the stuff from where he was hiding it-- and hid it away myself until I decide what to do about it. I know it's sort of an irrational thing to do and to ask. But of all the irrational things that have happened in my life as a result of this drug nonsense, this is actually pretty rational. How sad is that!?
Thanks, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by lilyB2013 
Hey everyone.
In a moment of peace and clarity (or at least what I perceive that to be), I was sitting here writing in my journal and the inkling of the thought occurred to me to go through the AXBF's bag and jacket. What would it solve? Nothing. Would it make me feel better? No. It was my obsessive codependence acting out and I did it, without emotion or feeling or anything. Of course I found paraphanalia, what else?
Did I freak out? Not at all. Did it make me feel better? Nah. Even typing this it blows my mind just how little emotion I have towards it at this moment. I still feel good about myself- if that's any justification. I feel a little bad about giving in in a moment of weakness- a little bit of shame about it but that's it.
What I WILL say is that I don't want it in my house. He's going to do what he's going to do whether we're broken up or not. But I know that while we're still under the same roof, I don't want that garbage here.
Anyway, the crux of my question is this: do I leave it where I found it? Do I dispose of it? I don't intend to confront because let's be honest here, it won't solve a darn thing. But I did remove the stuff from where he was hiding it-- and hid it away myself until I decide what to do about it. I know it's sort of an irrational thing to do and to ask. But of all the irrational things that have happened in my life as a result of this drug nonsense, this is actually pretty rational. How sad is that!?
Thanks, everyone.
In a moment of peace and clarity (or at least what I perceive that to be), I was sitting here writing in my journal and the inkling of the thought occurred to me to go through the AXBF's bag and jacket. What would it solve? Nothing. Would it make me feel better? No. It was my obsessive codependence acting out and I did it, without emotion or feeling or anything. Of course I found paraphanalia, what else?
Did I freak out? Not at all. Did it make me feel better? Nah. Even typing this it blows my mind just how little emotion I have towards it at this moment. I still feel good about myself- if that's any justification. I feel a little bad about giving in in a moment of weakness- a little bit of shame about it but that's it.
What I WILL say is that I don't want it in my house. He's going to do what he's going to do whether we're broken up or not. But I know that while we're still under the same roof, I don't want that garbage here.
Anyway, the crux of my question is this: do I leave it where I found it? Do I dispose of it? I don't intend to confront because let's be honest here, it won't solve a darn thing. But I did remove the stuff from where he was hiding it-- and hid it away myself until I decide what to do about it. I know it's sort of an irrational thing to do and to ask. But of all the irrational things that have happened in my life as a result of this drug nonsense, this is actually pretty rational. How sad is that!?
Thanks, everyone.
This is a tough one. I one flushed my brothers heroin and he beat the crap out of me, I had him sent to jail.
It is dangerous to have drugs in your house though.
This is why my bf isn't allowed inside my house.
I don't know what you should do or what I would do.
But I can send you hugs and pray that others will come along with more wisdom.
Are there any steps you can take to live seperately?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Lily, you achieve nothing by getting rid of it but you may create a huge problem for yourself I haven't been around much lately so I don't know what if any boundaries you have if this crossed your boundaries are you ready to enforce whatever you had in place for that?
As, far as confronting him if you don't want it in your house I assume he already knows that? if so he has it there anyways and sadly likely will again even if you toss it.
I will be sending prayers that your HP gives you the strength to make the best decision here.
As, far as confronting him if you don't want it in your house I assume he already knows that? if so he has it there anyways and sadly likely will again even if you toss it.
I will be sending prayers that your HP gives you the strength to make the best decision here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I don't want that garbage here.
I'd put it back where you found it.
How much longer must you share a roof over your heads? Have you both established boundaries with this current living situation?
Orange Lily
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Lily1918
This is a tough one. I one flushed my brothers heroin and he beat the crap out of me, I had him sent to jail.
It is dangerous to have drugs in your house though.
This is why my bf isn't allowed inside my house.
I don't know what you should do or what I would do.
It is dangerous to have drugs in your house though.
This is why my bf isn't allowed inside my house.
I don't know what you should do or what I would do.
I immediately saw the effects of what I did almost as soon as I finished hitting send on the original post.
"Hey, have you seen my wallet? It was in my jacket pocket- did you go through there?"
I feigned ignorance and helped him look... And then within the span of 20 minutes, the begging for money came out. Since his "wallet was gone" he needed money for transportation, food, cigarettes-- IMMEDIATELY. He literally begged and whined at me. How different I am now. Had I not known what he's been doing, I would have just given the money to him without a second thought.
"Why won't you give me the money?"
I almost laughed in his face. "Why do you think?"
"Please- just 20$--- I'll pay you back!" (He never does, by the way)
After holding my ground (yey for me!), I heard him going through old DVDs to sell for cash.
It's sad. Not like in me being sad- but it's sad that he has to those things because he refuses to get himself together. He lies with two faces and doesn't even blink twice! I'm not surprised or shocked, really, just astounded at the audacity of what this drug is doing to his brain. Flabbergasted.
Originally Posted by Lily1918
Are there any steps you can take to live separately?
Orange Lily
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by atalose
I'd put it back where you found it.
How much longer must you share a roof over your heads? Have you both established boundaries with this current living situation?
How much longer must you share a roof over your heads? Have you both established boundaries with this current living situation?
But as for boundaries- they haven't been discussed as much as they should have been. It's a sticky situation because he HONESTLY, TRULLY believes he has me completely fooled. He talks to me with the certainty that he's convincing me he's stopped.
Is difficult to have that conversation with someone who is in absolute denial as to what I know. "We don't have to have such strict boundaries because I haven't been using for 3 weeks!" Yeah, right!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
boundaries are not a WE thing....boundaries do not need to be discussed or even spoken, they MUST however be honored by SELF.
what is YOUR boundary about drugs or drug use in YOUR Home? and what is your response should that boundary be violated by another?
you say you don't want this in your house.
ok, what does that mean and how do you act accordingly?
what is YOUR boundary about drugs or drug use in YOUR Home? and what is your response should that boundary be violated by another?
you say you don't want this in your house.
ok, what does that mean and how do you act accordingly?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 46
...it's dangerous to take drugs away from a drug addict. we think we are doing the right thing but we are not.
when we choose to live with someone, share our bed then privacy to some extent doesn't really exist, too bad for him. so you should confront him that you found it and ask him to leave with it. you could call the cops, but what would be your motivation to do so. so he could go to jail, well that's one way of getting rid of him.
He makes choices you make choices. I'm sorry you're going through this. always make the choice that is in your best interest, he already broke the trust issue. Now it's up to you.
when we choose to live with someone, share our bed then privacy to some extent doesn't really exist, too bad for him. so you should confront him that you found it and ask him to leave with it. you could call the cops, but what would be your motivation to do so. so he could go to jail, well that's one way of getting rid of him.
He makes choices you make choices. I'm sorry you're going through this. always make the choice that is in your best interest, he already broke the trust issue. Now it's up to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 36
Were we seeing the same guy?? I see so many similarities to my AXBF! And like you, I would search his pockets and then throw away everything I found, knowing he would freak out. I just caused myself even more difficulties by doing that, but I didn't want the **** in my house. He will take money out of my account, then pay me back, then ask for some of "his" money back the next day! And he doesn't realize why I get angry.. It's very frustrating.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Murrells Inlet, South Carolina
Posts: 57
When you dispose of an addicts stash...the addict has to use $$ to replace it and they have to replace it because they're an addict. They will take something of "theirs or yours" worth $$$$$$ and pawn or sell it for $$. (Hide your valuables, electronics, silverware and prepare to duck.)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
when I found the folded clean foil and straw at my BFs house last week I simply laid it on the table in front of him. I stayed calm and literally gave it to him. I use to do this when I found it in his pockets when he was living at my house. I know it seems like enabling. maybe it is, but flushing it doesn't work. I simply handed him his stash, and asked him to go for a bikeride and would he please come back with empty pockets.
now I have been put in a position to be able to say he may not come to my house at all.
now I have been put in a position to be able to say he may not come to my house at all.
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