The good and bad of NC

Old 03-25-2013, 10:43 AM
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The good and bad of NC

Just wanted to check in a bit here. I read almost daily the posts here, but I don't comment often. Always reminders for me, keeping my tendencies in check, so thank you.

On the good side, my AB has respected my no contact request for the last couple weeks. Well, either he is respecting it or he realized I was sticking to my guns on not helping him anymore and just isn't bothering to reach out.

On the flip side, my mind is still prone to wandering. Wondering where he is at in his recovery (if he is recovering....not just doing the work to make the courts happy). I continue working on that, repeating mantras to myself to redirect and not dwell on his recovery. I have my own issues to work on, not his.

It doesn't help that I found out our family friends have fallen even further in their enabling path with their own son. They are in so deep with their late 20's AS (probably been a 10+ yr battle). Just another thing to pull my focus away.

I just want to go to them and shake them and direct them to the help THEY need. But I know, that is not how it works and that is not my role. The co dependent seeks recovery when they are ready too. But it does sadden me that their lives are in shambles because of their choices to keep saving him and they still go out of their way to make excuses for him. I won't go into details in respect for their privacy, but I will say I am utterly amazed how much an enabler can excuse and justify. From the outside you can only just stand there with your jaw on the floor in amazement. The mind is a crazy thing.

A little OT but this has been the main driver for me letting go of my AB. Another failed month of fertility treatments for my husband and I, I can see myself being hit harder and harder emotionally as the months pass. So I continue to see my therapist and I am trying to keep my focus in the right direction. Not at my family friends, not at my brother, not at my dysfunctional family, but myself and my health. Boy its much easier to just ignore my problems and worry about trying to fix others....but thats not what I am supposed to do. So I grieve and go back to the docs office and repeat yet again.

Some days I think facebook is probably the absolute worst thing for someone going through infertility. The "I am pregnant" announcements, the "its a girl" updates, the newborn pics, the one month pics, the first birthday pics, etc etc. But even if I wasn't on facebook I have a lot of close friends who are all prego right now or have just had babies, so its just something you cannot escape from. No powerball this time around, so guess I won't be escaping to that private island any time soon.

Another day, another chance, moving forward.
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:25 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Hi MeadowSis,

Originally Posted by meadowsis View Post
Boy its much easier to just ignore my problems and worry about trying to fix others....but thats not what I am supposed to do.
Yes Yes Yes!!!

But knowing is most of the battle, I'm finding.

I'm sorry you and your husband are struggling. I know that must be very difficult. Please don't lose heart. I imagine the stress of the family situation isn't helping one bit. I agree with your comments about Facebook. I use it sparingly since it just seems to put me in a bad mood if I'm not careful.

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