Totally Frustrated With Myself... Loving A Addict Has Drained Me.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Totally Frustrated With Myself... Loving A Addict Has Drained Me.
I left my B.F. 3 months ago due to his Marijuana Addiction... Right Now I'm Just Feeling Frustrated and Need A Kind Ear.
My E.B.F. At One Time was a Alcoholic He quit that over a Year Ago Only to Start Smoking More And More Marijuana.
I was so Stupid I thought Wow Now that he is quit drinking things would be better for us (the relationship).. Nope His obsession with Weed got to be too much... He Only Worked 6 months out of the year and had they done drug test he would not have worked there.. The Job Isn't very dependable if it rains, or snows he didn't get to work.. When that job ended He would only do odd jobs here and there and "Haul Junk" to the scrap Yard.
He would not quit Marijuana Long Enough To Get A Steady Full Time Job..
The Mental Abuse Did Not Improve Either After He Stopped Drinking.. My Kids Could Not Stand Him, Most Likely They Seen Through Him Before I Did.
I Haven't Cut Off All Contact With Him and That Is My Fault... I'm Working Hard On It Though.. Coming here and reading posts really helps me..
I loved this man with all my heart But I Finally Accepted that Loving Him Was Doing Me No Good.. So I Walked Away... There Is Still Times I Get Very Depressed and Even Angry With Myself, For Allowing Myself to be caught up in this Chaos For 5 Years With Him.
I Need To Get The Courage To Tell Him I'm Not Coming Back and To Tell Him Why I'm Not... I Really Dread Telling Him "Look I'm Not Coming Back, You Have No Future For Me, Nor Am I Going To Deal With Your Mental Abuse" Why Is It So Hard For Me To Do This, It's As Almost As If I'm Afraid Of Hurting Him, But Never-Mind How He Has Hurt Me So Many Times Over & Over... What Is Wrong With Me???? Even some of my close Friends Says Look "He Is A Looser" Just Tell Him That..
I'm Sorry That I Rattled On & On... Thank You All So Very Much
My E.B.F. At One Time was a Alcoholic He quit that over a Year Ago Only to Start Smoking More And More Marijuana.
I was so Stupid I thought Wow Now that he is quit drinking things would be better for us (the relationship).. Nope His obsession with Weed got to be too much... He Only Worked 6 months out of the year and had they done drug test he would not have worked there.. The Job Isn't very dependable if it rains, or snows he didn't get to work.. When that job ended He would only do odd jobs here and there and "Haul Junk" to the scrap Yard.
He would not quit Marijuana Long Enough To Get A Steady Full Time Job..
The Mental Abuse Did Not Improve Either After He Stopped Drinking.. My Kids Could Not Stand Him, Most Likely They Seen Through Him Before I Did.
I Haven't Cut Off All Contact With Him and That Is My Fault... I'm Working Hard On It Though.. Coming here and reading posts really helps me..
I loved this man with all my heart But I Finally Accepted that Loving Him Was Doing Me No Good.. So I Walked Away... There Is Still Times I Get Very Depressed and Even Angry With Myself, For Allowing Myself to be caught up in this Chaos For 5 Years With Him.
I Need To Get The Courage To Tell Him I'm Not Coming Back and To Tell Him Why I'm Not... I Really Dread Telling Him "Look I'm Not Coming Back, You Have No Future For Me, Nor Am I Going To Deal With Your Mental Abuse" Why Is It So Hard For Me To Do This, It's As Almost As If I'm Afraid Of Hurting Him, But Never-Mind How He Has Hurt Me So Many Times Over & Over... What Is Wrong With Me???? Even some of my close Friends Says Look "He Is A Looser" Just Tell Him That..
I'm Sorry That I Rattled On & On... Thank You All So Very Much
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
I know what you mean, sherby, about being afraid to hurt him despite how much he's hurt you. I'm the same exact way and my family and friends keep saying the same thing - that my addict is a loser and I need to move on. But it's very hard. Even though my addict is the one who ended it with ME, it's still hard for me to walk away from him and not feel guilty, although I have no choice. Since being here, I've come to realize that this behavior is a result of me being a codependent and that I must work on myself if I'm ever going to be truly happy with someone else. Be strong for yourself and your children - you all deserve so much better. 
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Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by EverHopeful721 
I know what you mean, sherby, about being afraid to hurt him despite how much he's hurt you. I'm the same exact way and my family and friends keep saying the same thing - that my addict is a loser and I need to move on. But it's very hard. Even though my addict is the one who ended it with ME, it's still hard for me to walk away from him and not feel guilty, although I have no choice. Since being here, I've come to realize that this behavior is a result of me being a codependent and that I must work on myself if I'm ever going to be truly happy with someone else. Be strong for yourself and your children - you all deserve so much better.
Right Now I'm Grieving I Lost My Grandmother 2 Weeks Ago, So Basically I'm Grieving Over Her And Him As Well.
And Like You I'm Having to Work On My Myself Because I Feel So Much Anger.. & Hurt And Sadness But Let Me Say This With Each Passing Day Honey It Get's Easier.. Just keep coming here and posting. Hugs and Remember You Are A Over-Comer
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
I'm so sorry about your grandmother, sherby. 
But as you said, maybe it's a good thing that you're grieving over her and him at the same time. Hopefully once you come out the other side, you will be able to tell him goodbye for good. I know I'm better off and probably have it easier than most because I didn't have to get the courage to walk away from him - he did it for me. But as you said, it's still hard to pick up my broken heart and sew the pieces back together. No matter what our relationship was and despite the fact that he just used me, I loved him and still do. It's been about a week and a half and I'm praying that I will start to feel better soon, because I'm still finding I have to struggle through each day. And you should be very proud of yourself that you found the strength to leave him, even if you haven't yet cut off all contact. As you get stronger and feel better about yourself, you will find the strength to completely end it once and for all. For now, keep posting and venting and concentrate on your kids and people who love you. You've already taken the first and hardest step to reclaiming your life, which was to leave him - you will know when you're ready to take that last one and go no contact. You will make it through this and come out the other side so much stronger and happier.
But as you said, maybe it's a good thing that you're grieving over her and him at the same time. Hopefully once you come out the other side, you will be able to tell him goodbye for good. I know I'm better off and probably have it easier than most because I didn't have to get the courage to walk away from him - he did it for me. But as you said, it's still hard to pick up my broken heart and sew the pieces back together. No matter what our relationship was and despite the fact that he just used me, I loved him and still do. It's been about a week and a half and I'm praying that I will start to feel better soon, because I'm still finding I have to struggle through each day. And you should be very proud of yourself that you found the strength to leave him, even if you haven't yet cut off all contact. As you get stronger and feel better about yourself, you will find the strength to completely end it once and for all. For now, keep posting and venting and concentrate on your kids and people who love you. You've already taken the first and hardest step to reclaiming your life, which was to leave him - you will know when you're ready to take that last one and go no contact. You will make it through this and come out the other side so much stronger and happier.
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