only time will tell... rambling again, just trying to express my feelings
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
only time will tell... rambling again, just trying to express my feelings
well, the visit yesterday went well. He is gaining weight, and his face looks refreshed. He blabbed for hours about how much he loves the Salvation Army, but he was also realistic about the negatives. He did say that he got into a fight this week. He sad he didn't hit anyone, but grabbed his shirt by the collar and got in his face and threatened to knock him out. Normally, I would have been upset with him, but I understand why he did, and Im so thankful that the captain was understanding of the situation, because fighting is grounds for immediate termination from the program.
You see, some of the very young boys were making "****** jokes" in the kitchen where he works, and after him telling them many times he was offended, they just kept egging him on and on, not knowing about the little boy he loves so much, so he said he shouted at them enough was enough, and told them why, which only made them heckle even worse, and instead of reporting them he lost his temper.
Personally, I am glad he had this experience while inside the safe haven of rehab. I deal with ignorant people all the time, and unfortunately, I just have to beat them up with my words, or ignore them. It is hard to handle those angry emotions for me and my daughter, in fact, there was a time last year when my little spunky 5 year old girl did actually beat up a little boy for mimicking and making fun of her brother. You can imagine his mothers face when she found out he got beat up by a girl. I did tell Her Martial arts teacher of course, and all of us sat down and reminded her that her student creed says "never fight to achieve selfish ends" I mean, after all you can't fix stupid, and it takes a pretty ignorant person to make fun of a mentally disabled person
I told my guy to just take peace, water off a ducks back, they don't know my boy, they don't deserve to, let it go, serenity prayer it. Other than that I am thankful for a nice, normal day of window shopping downtown. It is nice to have spent time with him when he is just so... well sober. He agrees and understands about not seeing the kidsbecause he has no say in the matter, He is upset though, and cried and cried when I said no, not in July. I said not even a word from you until August, when you've been "out" in phase 2 coming and going as you please for a month, Then you can see them for a short time.
I told him More sober time = More visits. You are thier hero. They absolutely adore you, BUT The knight must slay the dragon before he becomes a hero boo, and the only dragons that will be in thier lives ever again will be in the pages of thier fairy tales. He looked me dead square in the face and said the dragon can't be slayed, that's the point, only chased. It has to be left hibernating in its cave. Its immortal. It will awaken an roar sometimes at him, but to go after it and try to defeat it, or tame it is a death sentence.
I absolutely love how he will talk in metaphors with me. Its just my form of communication, and its rare when people get it. I think his response was absolute truth, and immediately got a mental image of when a knight approaches a cave and there are skeletons everywhere.
I believe his tears about missing them, and that me taking them away from him in the end of December was the best choice ever. It is soo nice that even though he has assumed a father figure role in his mind and heart, He has no legal right to them, only privilege. It is a terrifying privilege to give him. before his one year sober mark. But Im projecting to the future again and rambling. Im just filled with so many emotions. Im wondering if the story about the fight was told to me in manipulation, but Im sure it was true, hmmm, I guess Im looking for affirmation. that Yes it is ok to keep the children from him. I did the right thing. I do not want them around an addict. even 7 months clean is such a short time... but its an eternity for so many... but they do not need to be around a heroin addict. Why do I have doubt!?!?!
You see, some of the very young boys were making "****** jokes" in the kitchen where he works, and after him telling them many times he was offended, they just kept egging him on and on, not knowing about the little boy he loves so much, so he said he shouted at them enough was enough, and told them why, which only made them heckle even worse, and instead of reporting them he lost his temper.
Personally, I am glad he had this experience while inside the safe haven of rehab. I deal with ignorant people all the time, and unfortunately, I just have to beat them up with my words, or ignore them. It is hard to handle those angry emotions for me and my daughter, in fact, there was a time last year when my little spunky 5 year old girl did actually beat up a little boy for mimicking and making fun of her brother. You can imagine his mothers face when she found out he got beat up by a girl. I did tell Her Martial arts teacher of course, and all of us sat down and reminded her that her student creed says "never fight to achieve selfish ends" I mean, after all you can't fix stupid, and it takes a pretty ignorant person to make fun of a mentally disabled person
I told my guy to just take peace, water off a ducks back, they don't know my boy, they don't deserve to, let it go, serenity prayer it. Other than that I am thankful for a nice, normal day of window shopping downtown. It is nice to have spent time with him when he is just so... well sober. He agrees and understands about not seeing the kidsbecause he has no say in the matter, He is upset though, and cried and cried when I said no, not in July. I said not even a word from you until August, when you've been "out" in phase 2 coming and going as you please for a month, Then you can see them for a short time.
I told him More sober time = More visits. You are thier hero. They absolutely adore you, BUT The knight must slay the dragon before he becomes a hero boo, and the only dragons that will be in thier lives ever again will be in the pages of thier fairy tales. He looked me dead square in the face and said the dragon can't be slayed, that's the point, only chased. It has to be left hibernating in its cave. Its immortal. It will awaken an roar sometimes at him, but to go after it and try to defeat it, or tame it is a death sentence.
I absolutely love how he will talk in metaphors with me. Its just my form of communication, and its rare when people get it. I think his response was absolute truth, and immediately got a mental image of when a knight approaches a cave and there are skeletons everywhere.
I believe his tears about missing them, and that me taking them away from him in the end of December was the best choice ever. It is soo nice that even though he has assumed a father figure role in his mind and heart, He has no legal right to them, only privilege. It is a terrifying privilege to give him. before his one year sober mark. But Im projecting to the future again and rambling. Im just filled with so many emotions. Im wondering if the story about the fight was told to me in manipulation, but Im sure it was true, hmmm, I guess Im looking for affirmation. that Yes it is ok to keep the children from him. I did the right thing. I do not want them around an addict. even 7 months clean is such a short time... but its an eternity for so many... but they do not need to be around a heroin addict. Why do I have doubt!?!?!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I hope he continues to grow in recovery, and it sounds like your relationship with him is healing too.
There will always be ignorant people who say unkind things about others...it is a sign of how sick the person speaking is and although it is hurtful, it's toxic words in the wind from where I sit. If we don't engage with people like that, they will eventually go away.
I'm glad you both got past this and am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
There will always be ignorant people who say unkind things about others...it is a sign of how sick the person speaking is and although it is hurtful, it's toxic words in the wind from where I sit. If we don't engage with people like that, they will eventually go away.
I'm glad you both got past this and am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Lily
You sound well grounded in your own boundaries....as it should be.
Glad to hear that you had a nice day with him. Cherish that time and, as you pointed out, time will always reveal more.
gentle hugs
ke
You sound well grounded in your own boundaries....as it should be.
Glad to hear that you had a nice day with him. Cherish that time and, as you pointed out, time will always reveal more.
gentle hugs
ke
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
What do you have doubt about? Keeping/protecting children from a heroin addict for a time period until you see how his recovery pans out? It seems like you have very healthy boundaries and good instincts to me.
It sounds like he is learning some really valuable things at SA. Maybe this is a good time to just focus on himself and his choices, the good ones, like recovery, as well as the bad ones and their consequences.
The following is from "Courage to Change". It helps me to remember why I choose not to rescue my daughter from the consequences of her choices.
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make his/her own decisions. It is as though his/her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles...I'll do my best to allow God to care for him/her, even when painful consequences of his/her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of his/her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
It sounds like he is learning some really valuable things at SA. Maybe this is a good time to just focus on himself and his choices, the good ones, like recovery, as well as the bad ones and their consequences.
The following is from "Courage to Change". It helps me to remember why I choose not to rescue my daughter from the consequences of her choices.
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make his/her own decisions. It is as though his/her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles...I'll do my best to allow God to care for him/her, even when painful consequences of his/her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of his/her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by PresentTense 
What do you have doubt about? Keeping/protecting children from a heroin addict for a time period until you see how his recovery pans out? It seems like you have very healthy boundaries and good instincts to me.
It sounds like he is learning some really valuable things at SA. Maybe this is a good time to just focus on himself and his choices, the good ones, like recovery, as well as the bad ones and their consequences.
The following is from "Courage to Change". It helps me to remember why I choose not to rescue my daughter from the consequences of her choices.
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make his/her own decisions. It is as though his/her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles...I'll do my best to allow God to care for him/her, even when painful consequences of his/her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of his/her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
It sounds like he is learning some really valuable things at SA. Maybe this is a good time to just focus on himself and his choices, the good ones, like recovery, as well as the bad ones and their consequences.
The following is from "Courage to Change". It helps me to remember why I choose not to rescue my daughter from the consequences of her choices.
"The image of an avalanche helps me to give the addict in my life the dignity to make his/her own decisions. It is as though his/her actions are forming a mountain of drug related troubles...I'll do my best to allow God to care for him/her, even when painful consequences of his/her choices hit full force. That way I won't get in the way of his/her chance to want a better life." Courage to Change - December 8
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