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Feeling down. Plesse give me input

Old 03-01-2013, 08:48 AM
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Feeling down. Plesse give me input

I was visiting my ABF in jail last night. He has been in jail for 3 months now and is in an in jail substance abuse program. He made a comment last night that really scared me. He said "it doesn't need to be stressed, pissed off and worried when I get out of jail because it tempts me to do stupid things". I explained that his comment scared me and that he can't turn to drugs everytime he is stressed out and he said "I know I have a problem. I know I know I know". I don't know what to make of it. Idk if he's finally coming to realization of his addiction problem or he was just having a bad day. (Some things happened that day that was stressing not only me but him and his family out too). He says he just wants to be in a stable environment and get his life together and not have to worry about moving here or moving there when he gets out of jail. So I'm just down today because I'm scared he's going to relapse as soon as he gets out. Positive input and feedback only please.
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Old 03-01-2013, 09:42 AM
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He did what addicts do so well. He scared you into feeling that YOU can some how directly cause him to relapse when he comes home. This is simply untrue. His actions are his own to own.

Take what he says, while institutionalized with a grain of salt and repeatedly read the thread on what addicts say from jail.

Taking a day to visit him in prison is taking a day away from working on yourself.

Stay strong.
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Old 03-01-2013, 10:25 AM
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God Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the people I can
And the wisdom to know.....it's me.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I hope you can let go of the things you can't control and work hard on those things you can.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-01-2013, 10:50 AM
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You're a smart girl. I'm sure things will work out for you as long as you make wise choices and trust your gut.
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Old 03-01-2013, 11:24 AM
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Thank you
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:44 PM
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As they say in AA, he will deal with "life on life's terms" or he won't.

Life on life's terms means that there will be emotional pain, failure, anxiety, humiliation, shame, guilt, heartbreak, broken plans/relationships, pets dying, children sad/afraid/bullied, health scares, health problems, and death.

You are not God, dear, and you will have to just step back and let him and God figure out how he intends to be the one exception on the planet to being human and avoiding having to deal with it.

He is already dominating you. His words were a threat. Stick with SR.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:16 PM
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He is already dominating you. His words were a threat. Stick with SR.

What do you mean by that ?
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:06 PM
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He means that you better behave the way he wants you to when he gets out or else he will blame his relapse on you. Harsh, but true.
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:13 PM
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Ha nah.
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:27 PM
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Hmmm.. I guess our opinions are really individual. I dont see any of his comments being directly about you at all. I dont sense any manipulation here towards you.

I get your concern though about him needing to be able to deal with real life. He needs a plan for when he gets out I think, to ease everyone's worries.
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Old 03-01-2013, 04:02 PM
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Thank you' and I will write you back ASAP!
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Old 03-01-2013, 04:53 PM
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I'm sorry I was vague with my wording, but Sunshine2 helped me out there.

I meant that he is warning you that unless you act right and walk on eggshells around him and lower your expectations for mutual responsibility in facing and dealing with anything uncomfortable that comes up--in your relationship or other matters--that it will be your fault if he gets stressed out and uses.

I know he did not say that directly. But my experience is that addicts who are planning to get high the first chance they get will set up the partner to take the blame when it happens.

So please be careful. If he uses, do not take that blame.
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:17 PM
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It's good to go into these situations fully armed with knowledge about addiction and the behaviors that addicts share, don't you agree? Then you can be on the look out so that issues that come up don't catch you off guard.

Addicts often start dropping hints that they are contemplating a relapse long before they actually relapse. And it's very common for addicts to set up their partners so they can blame their relapse on their loved ones.

However, it's always good to remember that we are not responsible for the behavior of others. Life has its ups and downs. We need to be able to deal with life on lifes terms. If someone wants to stay clean, it's a requirement.
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Old 03-01-2013, 06:06 PM
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