Looking for Your ESH and Insight
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
The hardest thing was not riding their highs and lows. It is attached to something in us, and maybe needing them to be something for us. Is it riding the past, not sure, is it hope for a future, don’t know….but it is something.
Once I accepted heroin could kill him, once I accepted he could use if he wanted and not use if he wanted and neither made any damn difference on what I needed to do for me, things got easier. Once I stopped expecting things to be good or bad and assigning them as such and just let things be, especially what wasn’t mine well that was like the key to it all.
If you are going to stay you have to find a way to live your life to the fullest, with him in it too. Can you do that? Maybe another thing that made this easier for me is I had no assignments of how his recovery should be, what my husband should be doing or not doing and let him totally find his way. really I had my own to worry about. And I know that you see within yourself that you have been too enmeshed in his at times.
And could that questions I asked months ago still be part of your struggle, have you chosen yet to stay or just go…Sitting on any fence stuck in both realities might be part of the problem too.
I am glad you are going to bring things up with your therapist.
Think the onion analogy, we are peeling back layers and layers in search of ourselves. If we just keep searching we will find our way and all the answers we need.
Hang in there.
Once I accepted heroin could kill him, once I accepted he could use if he wanted and not use if he wanted and neither made any damn difference on what I needed to do for me, things got easier. Once I stopped expecting things to be good or bad and assigning them as such and just let things be, especially what wasn’t mine well that was like the key to it all.
If you are going to stay you have to find a way to live your life to the fullest, with him in it too. Can you do that? Maybe another thing that made this easier for me is I had no assignments of how his recovery should be, what my husband should be doing or not doing and let him totally find his way. really I had my own to worry about. And I know that you see within yourself that you have been too enmeshed in his at times.
And could that questions I asked months ago still be part of your struggle, have you chosen yet to stay or just go…Sitting on any fence stuck in both realities might be part of the problem too.
I am glad you are going to bring things up with your therapist.
Think the onion analogy, we are peeling back layers and layers in search of ourselves. If we just keep searching we will find our way and all the answers we need.
Hang in there.
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