jewel14

my ex has been at the SA since the first weekend in December I was told it was a 30 day no contact which he was able to list since he has a child so i have heard from him several times in the past few weeks. I am glad he is there, but I feel sorry to say I think he is only there because there is no where else to go... He called on Christmas, said hoped we were having a nice Christmas, then proceeded to ask me if I have a "man" which I feel is a joke on mutiple levels at this point 1 - as I have a 16 yr old a 4.5 yr old a full time job and a dog!!!! Seriously... 2 - because is that really what he needs to be focusing on at this point.. He then asked me about putting our house back on the market. We agreed to take it off when I had to move back in at the end of the summer to pay seeing as he was not (he moved out) and I asked if we (me and the kids) could please have a breather without having to move again like we have had to do now twice in the past few years.. He said it was the least he could do and we would put back on in the spring... Well now that he has relapsed and pawned everything he has he wants it back on market as of the 1st and wanted to bring this up in his 5 min call on Christmas morning... Merry Christmas! He then proceeded to tell me as we were hanging up he didn't get the one thing he wanted for Christmas to see his baby girl... (which not for nothing I didnt realize was possible until the day before) NOT TO MENTION... WHAT IS BEST FOR HER ON CHRISTMAS MORNING.. HOME PRESENTS TREE ETC OR TO GO TO A REHAB TO SEE HIM.... I have now been asked to have my mil take her to see him the 1st Sunday of every month and as many times as possible...I know the area of where he is my daughter although young is very smart and I am just not so sure it is the best thing... I feel like I am forever torn as to the "right" thing to do!

dollydo

Personally, I would not take a young child to a rehab facility or prison to visit an absentee father who could care less about anyone except himself.

"I feel like I am forever torn as to the "right" thing to do! "

If I remember correctly, you have exclusive rights to stay in the home, you are paying the mortgage, so if you can afford the expenses, just stay there, IMO he is only interested in getting some $$.

Isn't there only one right thing to do? To do what is best for your children. He is your ex...E X P A N D on that premiss.

2013, is a New Year, an opportunity for a new start, either you can make 2012 a hitching post or a guidepost, me? I'd choose "guidepost" learn from your experiences in 2012.

Sending my best for 2013!

jewel14

Thank you dollydo.. You are 1oo% right... Why do I always do this to myself!

LoveMeNow

Hi Jewel,

I agree with Dollydo too. I am also wondering if you are working on your codependency?

jewel14

I feel like I have been working on it, but maybe not hard enough I really need to read the books and stay on here non-stop to remind myself what the right thing is for me and my kids... I know the answers they are here and inside of me, just hard to walk the walk sometimes...

LoveMeNow

It will be the best gift you will ever give yourself and your children. It will also help your ex. Addicts have better odds of seeking and working on recovery, once they lose all their enablers.

I struggled with it at first too. I had so many excuses. Basically, it bored me or felt too overwhelming. I wanted to know it all but didn't want to take the time. I promise you, when things start to "click" - and you can see yourself and your life patterns with more clarity, it does get exciting.