Christmas plans
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
Christmas plans
Even though my ex is using (heroin) we have been seeing him some lately.
One night we went to his place and he said he had planned to get a
Christmas tree so we all went (with our almost 3 year old daughter) and
then decorated the tree when we went back to his house (my car and me
driving). Since then we have seen him at his house and he has a huge pile
of presents for our little girl..she is very excited about Christmas. It has
been very magical despite the fact that he is using.
The plan was to go to his house on Christmas day and open the presents.
But...
He wanted to see us yesterday. I told him we could go in the afternoon cause from 4 to 6 we were going to a lantern making workshop and then following a processsion to a lantern festival that started at 6. He didn't want to see us in the afternoon so he told me to come after the festival. Well... everything you do with a 2 year old ends up taking a lot of time. I guess I could have rushed it but we were having a really good time and I didn't want to rush it. We got home around 9 (by bus), too late to drive to his place for a visit and our girl was exhausted. To make it worse I fell asleep with her putting her to bed. Her dad called, furious. He cancelled our christmas plans.
I am so angry, frustrated, sad, and am wondering what to say to our daughter.
I think he might call again today and say the plans are back on.Not sure I want to go even if he does. But then I think it would be best for our daughter if we went...
It is so disappointing. And of course I feel so guilty for putting her through this, like if we weren't seeing him she wouldn't have any expectations.
We are going to a christmas market today (sunday) and to mass and a Christmas train on Christmas eve. I do have presents for her at our place...
I know things will work out somehow...Still sad though.
One night we went to his place and he said he had planned to get a
Christmas tree so we all went (with our almost 3 year old daughter) and
then decorated the tree when we went back to his house (my car and me
driving). Since then we have seen him at his house and he has a huge pile
of presents for our little girl..she is very excited about Christmas. It has
been very magical despite the fact that he is using.
The plan was to go to his house on Christmas day and open the presents.
But...
He wanted to see us yesterday. I told him we could go in the afternoon cause from 4 to 6 we were going to a lantern making workshop and then following a processsion to a lantern festival that started at 6. He didn't want to see us in the afternoon so he told me to come after the festival. Well... everything you do with a 2 year old ends up taking a lot of time. I guess I could have rushed it but we were having a really good time and I didn't want to rush it. We got home around 9 (by bus), too late to drive to his place for a visit and our girl was exhausted. To make it worse I fell asleep with her putting her to bed. Her dad called, furious. He cancelled our christmas plans.
I am so angry, frustrated, sad, and am wondering what to say to our daughter.
I think he might call again today and say the plans are back on.Not sure I want to go even if he does. But then I think it would be best for our daughter if we went...
It is so disappointing. And of course I feel so guilty for putting her through this, like if we weren't seeing him she wouldn't have any expectations.
We are going to a christmas market today (sunday) and to mass and a Christmas train on Christmas eve. I do have presents for her at our place...
I know things will work out somehow...Still sad though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Sorry that happened . I know it hurts when we allow ourselves to dream everything will be ok just to have our dreams shattered. Thats what addicts do. He is a king baby and a manipulator. Unfortunately this is exactly the kind of unstable behavior you should expect when you allow an active drug addict into your life around your children. That's why no contact works for me. I didnt want my child to be in a constant state of turmoil and insecurity because his father uses drugs and can't be a decent man 100% of the time. Snippet s of attention in between temper tantrums and drug binges were not enough.
As far as what to say to your daughter. She's three. She'll be disappointed but ok. This is what I have said in similar situations. "Daddy had somethings come up. He'll see you when can. He loves you. I love you. Let's go celebrate Christmas." As long as she has you standing up for her and protecting her that's what really matters.
As far as what to say to your daughter. She's three. She'll be disappointed but ok. This is what I have said in similar situations. "Daddy had somethings come up. He'll see you when can. He loves you. I love you. Let's go celebrate Christmas." As long as she has you standing up for her and protecting her that's what really matters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
I suspected we were heading towards a no contact because he is using but since he
got treated with ******** in October (he relapsed within a week) he was acting pretty
normal (no tantrums, no suicide threats...). Not anymore...
got treated with ******** in October (he relapsed within a week) he was acting pretty
normal (no tantrums, no suicide threats...). Not anymore...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't even tell you how many different versions of what my xAH plans for Christmas are with the boys have been since last month. It's exhausting and emotionally devastating. I've continued to make plans with other family members for Christmas and my boys are older and ask me if Dad is coming for Christmas. I have no choice but to tell them, I'm not sure what Dad has planned but tell them all the definate wonderful details of the plans we do have. Unfortunately, he does still have supervised visitation so I have to support some form of contact if he's capable. But, half the time he's not capable and I have to go to plan B. What seems to minimize the disappointment is to continue to make plans and focus on what joy we can have in the moment. This is what keeps me going. If I continue to focus on the hope of if their dad was capable of doing the right thing, I won't be able to enjoy the moment with my boys. I hope you and your little girl have a wonderful Christmas. Hang in there and treasure these precious moments. You are a strong, wonderful mother and your little girl is lucky to have you. I know this is hard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 178
We had so much fun at the Christmas market!!! and the ex just called and acted like
nothing had happened and he is still expecting us. Apparently he even bought tons of
groceries!I am not sure what we'll do. I think we might go to his place after the early
mass.
I just bought new Christmas train tickets for the 26th. If we don't end up going to his
place we can just go to the Christmas train twice, i'm sure our girl won't mind!
nothing had happened and he is still expecting us. Apparently he even bought tons of
groceries!I am not sure what we'll do. I think we might go to his place after the early
mass.
I just bought new Christmas train tickets for the 26th. If we don't end up going to his
place we can just go to the Christmas train twice, i'm sure our girl won't mind!
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