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Wow, I'm a freakin' codependent. :)

Old 12-05-2012, 02:10 PM
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Wow, I'm a freakin' codependent. :)

I've only been going to Alanon regularly for about a month, and a lot of what is shared is still kinda over my head. It blows my mind how they know what and how they feel, beyond simple anger and hurt, and it's so cool to see how they refuse the emotional doodie the alcoholics in their lives try to hand them.

So...something just happened that made me realize I am one of them...one of them...

My 16-year-old son HAD to pick a girlfriend who lives 25 miles form us. We arranged yesterday that, today, I'd drive him halfway to her house, the dad would drive halfway, and he would hang out with her until like 7:30. We'd pick him up at the halfway point.

Long story short: the girl's dad reneges, and i am not willing to drive the whole distance, so they can't meet. It's my fault, of course. Except of course it isn't.

But I felt so bad for him, I was willing to do almost anything to take his pain away.

NO! NO! NO!

It was at this point I saw it: I'm a codie.

Far from being depressing, it was a revelation. I could finally see the behavior that qualifies me for admission into this select group!

Anyway, I used the phone, and am sane once again. I was told something I'd not heard before: we can't make anyone happy, and we can't make anyone not happy.

Using my creaky old brain, I cogitated: Since I now believe that NO ONE can make me happy or unhappy, it stands to reason that I can't make someone else happy or unhappy.

This helps a lot, because it simply means I have to get through the discomfort of not being able to ease my son's pain. I wish I could, but I can't. It's not within my power, and I do him a disservice to continue to try. Life happens to us all, even him.

This Great Moment in Codependent History was brought to you by In Search of Humility.
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Old 12-05-2012, 02:39 PM
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Great post!!!!!! It's kinda cool when the lightbulb finally switches on, eh?
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Old 12-05-2012, 03:11 PM
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I too love those "aha" moments. Mine was when I learned that the only person who held the key to my happiness was me, always had been. Who knew?

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