Butterfly Kisses

My husband admitted he's been using meth for the past 2 1/2 years. What he told me is he only does it once or twice a month and he either snorts or smokes it. I asked him if he needed help and he said no, that he just doesn't want to do it anymore and that's why he's telling me the truth now.

fast forward two weeks. he gets in a fight with our roomate and the roomate spills the beans and tells me they have been shooting up! omfg. I am so betrayed. 1- because he continued to use and, 2- putting me at risk for diseases. of course my husband DENIES it completely.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I felt like we had a break through. he denied help but a few days after that he came around and held my hand and said we should go to a meeting (i had been wanting to go to support a friend in recovery and told him before he should come). and now this...

what do I do to make him understand i will not tolerate his drug use? what do I say? tough love approach or will that make him depressed and use more? or sit around and wait for him to want to be clean, which i would be an enabler in that case... this is driving me crazy i've even had nightmares over it.

Butterfly Kisses

also, i have found some weird stuff in our laundry... i found 2 sleeves cut off the long sleeve shirts of his. one had tape around it. like he put on the sleeve and wrapped his bicept in tape to make it tight (with a shirt sleeve to avoid putting tape on his bare skin?)

Vale

This is a mean,nasty,cunning disease.
None of us are it's match.
The only one who can beat it.....is them.

anond

Hi Butterfly Kisses. I am new to the forum, but not new to the world of addiction. My spouse has been addicted to one substance or another for 20+ years.

I also told my AH that I wouldn't tolerate his drug use. Cocaine was his drug of choice and he seemed to have put it behind him. I told him if he ever used cocaine again, I would leave. Well, he replaced the cocaine with prescription opiates and alcohol. Because it wasn't cocaine, I stayed. But it was just as bad and almost killed him.

He overdosed last summer and guess what.... when they tested him, cocaine was found in his system, as well as the opiates and alcohol. He had me fooled.

Your husband is going to do whatever he wants. You need to ask yourself what not tolerating his drug use means to you. Does it mean you will leave? The boundary and consequence if it is crossed isn't for the addict. It is for US - what will WE do if the drug use continues? What actions will WE take? Remember - we didn't cause it, we can't control it and we can't cure it.

Kindeyes

There is nothing you can say that will convince him that you will not tolerate his drug use. Words mean nothing. Nothing. Our actions are what speak to the addict just as their actions are what speak to us.

The tough love approach isn't really an approach at all if it is done as a form of punishment. We can't punish an addict into recovery either.

What can you do? Take care of yourself first and foremost. Do whatever you need to do to take care of you. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.

Get to Nar-Anon (or Al-Anon or any other support group for yourself) and develop the tools to help for yourself.

You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. And they won't seek recovery until they are allowed to face the consequences of their use. And meth is one tough drug because it helps them feel pretty darn good in the face of very dire consequences.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

dollydo

There is nothing you can do, it is all up to him. Since he is an IV user I would hot foot it to the doctor and get tested for STD's and Aids.

Have you read Codependent No More? I would. Also, get to Naranon meetings, read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and cynical one's blogs, which can be accessed at the top of this page. Knowledge is power.

Addicts lie, then they lie some more, addicts con, addicts manipulate. This is a disease that has no cure, it is only a matter of whether the addict is clean and working a strong recovery program for life..or not...less than 10% stay clean and sober for life.

The bottom line...is this how you want to spend the rest of your life...on the rollercoaster from h#ll? If not, set your bounderies, if he crosses them, leave.