easiersaid

I finally made the decision to leave my ABF. Earlier in the week, when he first came home after a month in jail, I mentioned that I needed some time for myself and he told me he understands and wouldnt ask me to stay if that's what I needed. Well after he came home Saturday afternoon, acted high as a kite, then I found two syringes under our mattress, I made it known to him that I was done for sure. Now he is saying that I am walking out on our family because six months ago when he first admitted his needle use to me I told him that I would stand by him and help him. I also said at one point that I would go to a counselor with him. That never happened but the drug use continued and got worse from there. So life has been crazy and out of control. I wish I had started going to meetings back then but I guess I was too worried about him and caught up in all the drama. Anyway, he says I'm just throwing us away because I didn't even try to go to counseling and won't go with him now. He is also denying that he used this weekend, and that the needles under the mattress were from a month ago that he got out of the car. Right. Then he asks me if he needs to find affection someplace else and I told him if he feels he needs to do that then I can't stop him. He told me that must mean I want to sleep with other people and that there's no chance for us. I have NO interest in any sort of relationship right now. I told him that I need to focus on me right now and I'm no good to him and can't make him happy. And that I need to see consistency in his recovery and see that he can keep a job for longer than a few months. It's making me so stressed all of the rudeness and guilt trips he is throwing at me. He tells me he loves me and needs me then the next minute he is saying that he hates me and flipping me off because I'm not giving in. How long does this last?! I'm feeling like I'm doing him wrong but I'm not being mean to him at all! I'm telling him that I want good for him and staying calm and not saying things I might later regret. This is rough..

crazybabie

it last as long as WE engage in it... You see it for what it is have you heard about FOG? never do anything out of Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

When you told him those things I am sure you meant them however things change don't drown in the FOG.

Tarot

I've heard almost the exact same conversations...classic manipulation. Mine said he found the needles in the park then hid them in his rucksack....yeah right! He says i deserve better then freaks out that i might find some one else...but he does nothing towards his recovery!

I am three weeks "clean" of him and starting to see the wood for the trees and how much i was sucked in and affected by his manipulation and lies. I felt less guilt once i had written him a letter explaining that i would not enable him in his addiction but would be there should he chose recovery....I may have a long wait for that but the letter was for me...to get rid of my guilt. I just couldn't live with that insanity any longer.

Hugs

SadHeart

It can last a lifetime.

dollydo

It lasts as long as you want it to. When you have reached your bottom, you will let him go and move forward with your life. Until then, nothing will change, you hold the key to your peace and happiness in the palm of your hand, it is all up to you whether you put the key in the lock and walk throught the door or not.