He cant see the Crazy in his life - how is that possible ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by battlescars 
I'm sorry but having been the other girl in a messed up situation such as this, while you and your husband are not your son, it makes some sense to explain a little regarding what may be going on with his addiction. They are probably pretty freaked out and while stealing a credit card to get a flight home (let's assume that's all she did with the card) seems pretty seedy, if she was stranded in a hotel with the scenario she described, i'm pretty sure she was in some type of trauma. Blocking people who might just want to know what's going on is a bit ridiculous.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
To put it succinctly, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's a crazy lifestyle. I was totally caught up. I was still working, and still had an apartment but I was using every day. It was no longer fun. It was just so I could feel "normal" and function at work. The only time I felt "OK" was when I was high. And even then I didn't feel good because I couldn't get high enough anymore. My life sucked. I knew it was wrong... and I knew I could not quit. I was caught up in the circle of saying "this time would be my last time" but it never was. I realized I couldn't do it on my own. I stumbled into an NA meeting. That was a starting point. Still I couldn't quit. I found support online. I found other face-to-face support. Slowly I got a grip. But it was bad. I didn't think I'd every be able to stop using. I even prayed. And I didn't even believe in God. But at that point I was willing to do whatever it took to get off drug - even pray to a God I didn't believe in.
Then I found out I was pregnant. That gave me even more motivation to quit. I kept attending my support group. I focused on making wise choices for my unborn child. I was able to quit using.
But.... I kept my crappy boyfriend (my drug dealer and my son's father).... he kept promising to quit and blah blah blah... you know the deal. I just focused on having a healthy baby and being prepared no matter what he did.
After the baby was born, I relapsed a couple times. My son's father was a complete drug addict and was treating me like garbage. Finally I kicked him out. I cut all contact with drug users. I changed my phone number. I changed my locks. I completely changed my lifestyle. I burned all my bridges with the drug world so that, no matter how bad I wanted to, it was no longer easy for me to buy drugs.
I completely changed my life. I started volunteering. I started going to church. I focused on my child. I used this website for support. I surrounded myself with people who were successful and clean.
I think the whole process took years. Using started out as partying for me. Then I couldn't quit. It was progressive until I reached a point where I was using hard core everyday for about a year or maybe more. Then it took me a good year of wanting to quit before I started trying to quit. Then it took a year of relapsing. Then I was pregnant and I whipped myself into shape pretty quickly after that. I haven't used in 6 years. I haven't seen my ex (my son's father) in 3 years. He's still using.
Then I found out I was pregnant. That gave me even more motivation to quit. I kept attending my support group. I focused on making wise choices for my unborn child. I was able to quit using.
But.... I kept my crappy boyfriend (my drug dealer and my son's father).... he kept promising to quit and blah blah blah... you know the deal. I just focused on having a healthy baby and being prepared no matter what he did.
After the baby was born, I relapsed a couple times. My son's father was a complete drug addict and was treating me like garbage. Finally I kicked him out. I cut all contact with drug users. I changed my phone number. I changed my locks. I completely changed my lifestyle. I burned all my bridges with the drug world so that, no matter how bad I wanted to, it was no longer easy for me to buy drugs.
I completely changed my life. I started volunteering. I started going to church. I focused on my child. I used this website for support. I surrounded myself with people who were successful and clean.
I think the whole process took years. Using started out as partying for me. Then I couldn't quit. It was progressive until I reached a point where I was using hard core everyday for about a year or maybe more. Then it took me a good year of wanting to quit before I started trying to quit. Then it took a year of relapsing. Then I was pregnant and I whipped myself into shape pretty quickly after that. I haven't used in 6 years. I haven't seen my ex (my son's father) in 3 years. He's still using.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I know most wont agree but to me..........21 yrs old may be a legal adult but not necessarily a mature adult. I was still in college at 21, making all kinds of stupid mistakes. I am so glad none of them hurt my future.
At that age, I was pulled over by the Captain of police and I was very drunk. I couldn't pass the sobriety test. He actually followed me to my house -a mile down the road and let me off. I got lucky in every way. Thankfully, I didn't hurt or kill anyone and I have no legal ramifications from that stupid night. It was the last time I ever drove drunk. The scare of it was enough to make me think twice about drinking and driving again.
I guess it all depends on who this 21 yr old girl is.....if this is her life and lifestyle (theft, drugs, etc.) then so be it. If not and she was in over her head, afraid to call her parents for whatever reason, then this arrest record could effect her whole life and I just don't agree with pressing charges against her.
Again, I don't think anyone knows the real story. More will be revealed.
At that age, I was pulled over by the Captain of police and I was very drunk. I couldn't pass the sobriety test. He actually followed me to my house -a mile down the road and let me off. I got lucky in every way. Thankfully, I didn't hurt or kill anyone and I have no legal ramifications from that stupid night. It was the last time I ever drove drunk. The scare of it was enough to make me think twice about drinking and driving again.
I guess it all depends on who this 21 yr old girl is.....if this is her life and lifestyle (theft, drugs, etc.) then so be it. If not and she was in over her head, afraid to call her parents for whatever reason, then this arrest record could effect her whole life and I just don't agree with pressing charges against her.
Again, I don't think anyone knows the real story. More will be revealed.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by crazybabie
If she had that kind of fear she could have called the police you best bet if I am as scared as she said she was I would have.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Yes I would have LMN, if in fear I do agree that maturity has a lot to do with it however I have 3 grown kids aged 27,24,22 I know about grown and maturity.
My 27 and 24 year olds are far from mature.
My 27 and 24 year olds are far from mature.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by crazybabie
Yes I would have LMN, if in fear I do agree that maturity has a lot to do with it however I have 3 grown kids aged 27,24,22 I know about grown and maturity.
My 27 and 24 year olds are far from mature.
My 27 and 24 year olds are far from mature.
She has an innate wisdom that amazes me but in a crisis - all logic flies out the window. And she is so desperate to be independent and grown, she continues to put herself in very unsafe situations. She is closing her place of employment alone at 2:00 am. It's next to well known drug area, a half way house, she is alone with money, no cameras, no street lights!! Of course, there is no talking to her!! ughhhh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by battlescars
I'm sorry but having been the other girl in a messed up situation such as this, while you and your husband are not your son, it makes some sense to explain a little regarding what may be going on with his addiction. They are probably pretty freaked out and while stealing a credit card to get a flight home (let's assume that's all she did with the card) seems pretty seedy, if she was stranded in a hotel with the scenario she described, i'm pretty sure she was in some type of trauma. Blocking people who might just want to know what's going on is a bit ridiculous.
Her parents have not tried to call back from what I can tell anyway. I would not have minded them calling so much if it had not been for the way they spoke at certain points during the conversation.
But I do understand where you are coming from, and I have a lot of empathy for her parents and the situation their daughter is in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
To put it succinctly, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's a crazy lifestyle. I was totally caught up. I was still working, and still had an apartment but I was using every day. It was no longer fun. It was just so I could feel "normal" and function at work. The only time I felt "OK" was when I was high. And even then I didn't feel good because I couldn't get high enough anymore. My life sucked. I knew it was wrong... and I knew I could not quit. I was caught up in the circle of saying "this time would be my last time" but it never was. I realized I couldn't do it on my own. I stumbled into an NA meeting. That was a starting point. Still I couldn't quit. I found support online. I found other face-to-face support. Slowly I got a grip. But it was bad. I didn't think I'd every be able to stop using. I even prayed. And I didn't even believe in God. But at that point I was willing to do whatever it took to get off drug - even pray to a God I didn't believe in.
Then I found out I was pregnant. That gave me even more motivation to quit. I kept attending my support group. I focused on making wise choices for my unborn child. I was able to quit using.
But.... I kept my crappy boyfriend (my drug dealer and my son's father).... he kept promising to quit and blah blah blah... you know the deal. I just focused on having a healthy baby and being prepared no matter what he did.
After the baby was born, I relapsed a couple times. My son's father was a complete drug addict and was treating me like garbage. Finally I kicked him out. I cut all contact with drug users. I changed my phone number. I changed my locks. I completely changed my lifestyle. I burned all my bridges with the drug world so that, no matter how bad I wanted to, it was no longer easy for me to buy drugs.
I completely changed my life. I started volunteering. I started going to church. I focused on my child. I used this website for support. I surrounded myself with people who were successful and clean.
I think the whole process took years. Using started out as partying for me. Then I couldn't quit. It was progressive until I reached a point where I was using hard core everyday for about a year or maybe more. Then it took me a good year of wanting to quit before I started trying to quit. Then it took a year of relapsing. Then I was pregnant and I whipped myself into shape pretty quickly after that. I haven't used in 6 years. I haven't seen my ex (my son's father) in 3 years. He's still using.
Then I found out I was pregnant. That gave me even more motivation to quit. I kept attending my support group. I focused on making wise choices for my unborn child. I was able to quit using.
But.... I kept my crappy boyfriend (my drug dealer and my son's father).... he kept promising to quit and blah blah blah... you know the deal. I just focused on having a healthy baby and being prepared no matter what he did.
After the baby was born, I relapsed a couple times. My son's father was a complete drug addict and was treating me like garbage. Finally I kicked him out. I cut all contact with drug users. I changed my phone number. I changed my locks. I completely changed my lifestyle. I burned all my bridges with the drug world so that, no matter how bad I wanted to, it was no longer easy for me to buy drugs.
I completely changed my life. I started volunteering. I started going to church. I focused on my child. I used this website for support. I surrounded myself with people who were successful and clean.
I think the whole process took years. Using started out as partying for me. Then I couldn't quit. It was progressive until I reached a point where I was using hard core everyday for about a year or maybe more. Then it took me a good year of wanting to quit before I started trying to quit. Then it took a year of relapsing. Then I was pregnant and I whipped myself into shape pretty quickly after that. I haven't used in 6 years. I haven't seen my ex (my son's father) in 3 years. He's still using.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by LoveMeNot
I know most wont agree but to me..........21 yrs old may be a legal adult but not necessarily a mature adult. I was still in college at 21, making all kinds of stupid mistakes. I am so glad none of them hurt my future.
At that age, I was pulled over by the Captain of police and I was very drunk. I couldn't pass the sobriety test. He actually followed me to my house -a mile down the road and let me off. I got lucky in every way. Thankfully, I didn't hurt or kill anyone and I have no legal ramifications from that stupid night. It was the last time I ever drove drunk. The scare of it was enough to make me think twice about drinking and driving again.
I guess it all depends on who this 21 yr old girl is.....if this is her life and lifestyle (theft, drugs, etc.) then so be it. If not and she was in over her head, afraid to call her parents for whatever reason, then this arrest record could effect her whole life and I just don't agree with pressing charges against her.
Again, I don't think anyone knows the real story. More will be revealed.
At that age, I was pulled over by the Captain of police and I was very drunk. I couldn't pass the sobriety test. He actually followed me to my house -a mile down the road and let me off. I got lucky in every way. Thankfully, I didn't hurt or kill anyone and I have no legal ramifications from that stupid night. It was the last time I ever drove drunk. The scare of it was enough to make me think twice about drinking and driving again.
I guess it all depends on who this 21 yr old girl is.....if this is her life and lifestyle (theft, drugs, etc.) then so be it. If not and she was in over her head, afraid to call her parents for whatever reason, then this arrest record could effect her whole life and I just don't agree with pressing charges against her.
Again, I don't think anyone knows the real story. More will be revealed.
For the most part I agree with you Lovemenot. I think quite often people deserve second chances, because sometimes that is all it takes to shake someone up and make them see the error of their ways. Especially in young people; 21 is young, and it is normally a time of experimentation. I have a feeling most parents dont know everything their kids are doing at that age. Not unless it gets out of control...
I dont have any more information today. Havent heard from our son.
You asked about my husband. He is having a hard time overall with everything that our son is going through. They were father/son, and friends. So while they are still able to spend some time together, it is somewhat guarded. Also, my husband has taken on part of my sons workload at the office, and he is working longer hours, and I think that is bothering him somewhat. Like me, he is sad our son is wasting time, blind to the big picture of life. Other than that, he has calmed down some since these phone calls. Its not like we can blame our son for the girl calling us, or her parents. But he was joiking today that he was going to tell him that he had to change our contact on his phone to display the CDC, Free Clinic or something. Any other ideas?
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Glad you and he can joke. Sometimes you just have to laugh or you will go crazy.
Much after my son did a bomb threat, my husband and I would joke (never so he could hear or know) around and call him the little "unibomber."
I joke with my husband now - when he comes home from a meeting...I say Hi my addict husband, so how was your meeting? And he says it was good my little codie wife. lol
How about Crisis Hotline?? InsanityRus??
Much after my son did a bomb threat, my husband and I would joke (never so he could hear or know) around and call him the little "unibomber."
I joke with my husband now - when he comes home from a meeting...I say Hi my addict husband, so how was your meeting? And he says it was good my little codie wife. lol
How about Crisis Hotline?? InsanityRus??
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Mrs Dragon,
Very sorry to hear about whats going on with your son, and that you and your husband got drug into the mess with the phone calls.
When my husband was using, and we were seperated - I was always terrified of getting a phone call in the middle of the night. Im sure the whole thing must have been awful for you. I hope your part in his mess is over now.
Possibly he could learn something from this before it is over. We never know Gods plan. Keep posting Mrs D. we are here for you.
Very sorry to hear about whats going on with your son, and that you and your husband got drug into the mess with the phone calls.
When my husband was using, and we were seperated - I was always terrified of getting a phone call in the middle of the night. Im sure the whole thing must have been awful for you. I hope your part in his mess is over now.
Possibly he could learn something from this before it is over. We never know Gods plan. Keep posting Mrs D. we are here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
I felt I should give an update to what happened with our son. He arrived home just as he said, came over a couple days later. He brought along a copy of the police report & witness statements. It appears they spent some time in the hotel bar after the concert they attended. They both had drinks, but she had too many and was a little out of control when he asked her to stop drinking, and tried to get her to leave. She smashed a glass, and then took one of the sharp pieces and was waving it around him, saying he couldn’t tell her what to do. She sliced into his arm, and then went into a panic and started crying according to the bartender. The bartender wanted to call security, but our son said he would be ok, and she was drunk and he got her to go up to the room. He said she did not leave the hotel to get bandages and things for him like she told us, because he says she was crying the whole time he tended to his arm, she got hold of his phone and called us, then she cried some more, passed out, woke up sick, passed out again.
He said he fell asleep at some point. When he woke up, she was not there, her bag was not there, his ipad was gone, his wallet had been moved so he looked and almost all his cash was gone, as well as one of his credit cards. So he called the credit card company to report it stolen & they saw it had recently been in use; paying for airfare tickets bought online, and a couple of other large purchases also online. She got picked up by store security when she tried to use it in person before her flight. They detained her, and called the local police. Crazy, Crazy. She gave them a long story that was totally different saying he threatened her with glass he broke, she feared for her life, he cut himself when he was angry, and she helped him. (Close to what she told us, and her parents ) But none of that went along with the witness statements from the hotel, so I finally get to use the word Quacking – she was saying anything to try to save herself. He says he wont drop the charges because he is angry, and he thinks she needs to be taught a lesson because she is “messed up, and needs help”. That was an exact quote.
I almost forgot this, and it is rather amusing. At one point my husband asked to see my sons phone. He hesitated a little, and then gave it to him. My husband changed the name associated with our phone number to say “GOD”, and gave it back to him. Then he made a joke about when he called net time he was going to say “Hello My Son” (no disrespect to religion meant by this; it was a joke on my husbands part).
I have also posted under the Grief Forum today; as it has been a hard week for my whole family; I wont repeat the details here, but will share the link if anyone is interested.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l?#post3673891
He said he fell asleep at some point. When he woke up, she was not there, her bag was not there, his ipad was gone, his wallet had been moved so he looked and almost all his cash was gone, as well as one of his credit cards. So he called the credit card company to report it stolen & they saw it had recently been in use; paying for airfare tickets bought online, and a couple of other large purchases also online. She got picked up by store security when she tried to use it in person before her flight. They detained her, and called the local police. Crazy, Crazy. She gave them a long story that was totally different saying he threatened her with glass he broke, she feared for her life, he cut himself when he was angry, and she helped him. (Close to what she told us, and her parents ) But none of that went along with the witness statements from the hotel, so I finally get to use the word Quacking – she was saying anything to try to save herself. He says he wont drop the charges because he is angry, and he thinks she needs to be taught a lesson because she is “messed up, and needs help”. That was an exact quote.
I almost forgot this, and it is rather amusing. At one point my husband asked to see my sons phone. He hesitated a little, and then gave it to him. My husband changed the name associated with our phone number to say “GOD”, and gave it back to him. Then he made a joke about when he called net time he was going to say “Hello My Son” (no disrespect to religion meant by this; it was a joke on my husbands part).
I have also posted under the Grief Forum today; as it has been a hard week for my whole family; I wont repeat the details here, but will share the link if anyone is interested.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l?#post3673891
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Mrs Dragon)))))
Please know that things like this will continue to happen to your son. Why? When we are in the 'throes' of our addiction, we seem to be drawn to, and they are drawn to us, others that are in the 'throes' of addiction. Whether that addiction be alcohol and/or drugs.
Over these many years in recovery, I have come to believe without a shadow of a doubt that we humans draw to us those whose insides are the same as our, not necessarily our outsides. Thus if I am in a good place, happy and serene and peaceful, living my life allowing HP's will to guide me I will draw like people to me. When I was down in the dumps both still practicing and in my early recovery, I drew to me and was still attracted to some very 'sick' people. And by 'sick' I mean 'mentally, emotionally and spiritually' unhealthy.
So just a caution, for you and your hubby that this may not be the last of some pretty weird/strange lady friends for you son.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you this day for the loss of your grandson two years ago.
Love and hugs,
Please know that things like this will continue to happen to your son. Why? When we are in the 'throes' of our addiction, we seem to be drawn to, and they are drawn to us, others that are in the 'throes' of addiction. Whether that addiction be alcohol and/or drugs.
Over these many years in recovery, I have come to believe without a shadow of a doubt that we humans draw to us those whose insides are the same as our, not necessarily our outsides. Thus if I am in a good place, happy and serene and peaceful, living my life allowing HP's will to guide me I will draw like people to me. When I was down in the dumps both still practicing and in my early recovery, I drew to me and was still attracted to some very 'sick' people. And by 'sick' I mean 'mentally, emotionally and spiritually' unhealthy.
So just a caution, for you and your hubby that this may not be the last of some pretty weird/strange lady friends for you son.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you this day for the loss of your grandson two years ago.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Unfortunately like attracts like. As long as your son continues to hang out with people who act crazy, he will continue to act crazy too. And vice versa. Using drugs makes you act insane. And nobody is innocent. Some people are just better manipulators than other.
I think your husband is on the right track with his joke. Your son could use a dose of higher power.... On the bright side, he may be too embarrassed to call "god" and share his crazy stories. That may help reduce the drama in your life.
I'm sorry for your pain. I hope next week is better.
I think your husband is on the right track with his joke. Your son could use a dose of higher power.... On the bright side, he may be too embarrassed to call "god" and share his crazy stories. That may help reduce the drama in your life.
I'm sorry for your pain. I hope next week is better.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
If she did in fact slice him with broken glass with witnesses to see, I am just shocked that she was not arrested on the spot. Your son would have no say in it. As a former waitress and bartender during my college years, it just doesn't ring true to me. Sorry 
I am sorry to read about the loss of your grandson. I am sure it very painful especially during this time of the year.
I am sorry to read about the loss of your grandson. I am sure it very painful especially during this time of the year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Thank you Laurie / hello Kitty; Your comments ring true to me completely. In fact, when we were talking with our son, my husband (who regained his temperment after a couple days) told him without lecture that he was responsible for putting himself in that type of situation because of the lifestyle he was living. And son basically agreed. So he knows, but is also in denial so to speak.
Lovemenot; Everything he showed us was official, so I am not questioning what happened. This happened in a pricey hotel, so perhaps they value the privacy of their guests more than the bars and clubs you worked at. Cant say.
Lovemenot; Everything he showed us was official, so I am not questioning what happened. This happened in a pricey hotel, so perhaps they value the privacy of their guests more than the bars and clubs you worked at. Cant say.
Originally Posted by laurie6781
(((((Mrs Dragon)))))
Please know that things like this will continue to happen to your son. Why? When we are in the 'throes' of our addiction, we seem to be drawn to, and they are drawn to us, others that are in the 'throes' of addiction. Whether that addiction be alcohol and/or drugs.
Over these many years in recovery, I have come to believe without a shadow of a doubt that we humans draw to us those whose insides are the same as our, not necessarily our outsides. Thus if I am in a good place, happy and serene and peaceful, living my life allowing HP's will to guide me I will draw like people to me. When I was down in the dumps both still practicing and in my early recovery, I drew to me and was still attracted to some very 'sick' people. And by 'sick' I mean 'mentally, emotionally and spiritually' unhealthy.
So just a caution, for you and your hubby that this may not be the last of some pretty weird/strange lady friends for you son.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you this day for the loss of your grandson two years ago.
Love and hugs,
Please know that things like this will continue to happen to your son. Why? When we are in the 'throes' of our addiction, we seem to be drawn to, and they are drawn to us, others that are in the 'throes' of addiction. Whether that addiction be alcohol and/or drugs.
Over these many years in recovery, I have come to believe without a shadow of a doubt that we humans draw to us those whose insides are the same as our, not necessarily our outsides. Thus if I am in a good place, happy and serene and peaceful, living my life allowing HP's will to guide me I will draw like people to me. When I was down in the dumps both still practicing and in my early recovery, I drew to me and was still attracted to some very 'sick' people. And by 'sick' I mean 'mentally, emotionally and spiritually' unhealthy.
So just a caution, for you and your hubby that this may not be the last of some pretty weird/strange lady friends for you son.
Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you this day for the loss of your grandson two years ago.
Love and hugs,
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Well, of course it was and I must of worked at a skid road bar. FTLOG!!
Next, it will be he goes to "best rehab in the county," had a high bottom, is not a addict because it's just a label, got clean the first time and is doing wonderfully...etc, etc, etc.
Next, it will be he goes to "best rehab in the county," had a high bottom, is not a addict because it's just a label, got clean the first time and is doing wonderfully...etc, etc, etc.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
