on the upswing, dare i say???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
on the upswing, dare i say???
I went to my doctor today for a follow-up. Last time I was in the office I was a wreck. My ex was coming home that day after being gone for days and I was so anxious it was just ridiculous. I was taking Xanax as prescribed (.5mg, 1-2 per day) when under normal circumstances, I only take it out of desperation. I was always desperate is the thing.
Today I'm gaining the weight back that I lost (five pounds, so far, it's a start). Tomorrow I will be one full month completely sober myself (pot). I'm cutting down on cigarettes and planning to quit starting Friday when I begin a three-day weekend. I've been hiking in the woods with my dog again since I have the energy finally and I'm eating enough to ensure I don't faint in the middle of nowhere. I got my hair cut and colored over the weekend as a treat to make myself feel new again and I even went and bought some new clothes--secondhand, but whatever. Still, yay!
My ex knows it's one month sober for me and we talked about going to a meeting together tomorrow night. He was saying all the usual things about how badly he has messed up and how upset with himself he is and how he needs to make it right. When I replied with a question about what he's DOING to get help, he got angry and defensive and didn't remotely address the words I said. Instead of my typical reaction--getting all angry back and going on and on about this, that, and the other thing--I simply and calmly said that his silence on the topic speaks volumes, it doesn't seem like he WANTS to fix anything yet, and I can't handle the back and forth, roller coaster life anymore and I don't think I want to go to a meeting with him and spend one day with him just to have it all go back to the way it has been right after. I love him but it hurts too much. I got silence. Fine. I'm calm and okay with that. His choice. Out of my hands.
I've also been handling my brother's most recent issues a lot better than I have in the past. I explained what happened to my other brother and I then let it go. I told the addict brother that I think he should get himself into rehab and left it.
I really, truly don't think I would have come this far (if I'm not deluding myself) without SR. I know I said this before on another thread, but I really feel so grateful to you all...to this board. I'm starting to feel like myself again and I'm realizing that I can survive on my own and that is better than living in the misery I was in for months. Life is so short and we only get one chance, or so we think. I just don't want to use mine sitting inside crying anymore.
Today I'm gaining the weight back that I lost (five pounds, so far, it's a start). Tomorrow I will be one full month completely sober myself (pot). I'm cutting down on cigarettes and planning to quit starting Friday when I begin a three-day weekend. I've been hiking in the woods with my dog again since I have the energy finally and I'm eating enough to ensure I don't faint in the middle of nowhere. I got my hair cut and colored over the weekend as a treat to make myself feel new again and I even went and bought some new clothes--secondhand, but whatever. Still, yay!
My ex knows it's one month sober for me and we talked about going to a meeting together tomorrow night. He was saying all the usual things about how badly he has messed up and how upset with himself he is and how he needs to make it right. When I replied with a question about what he's DOING to get help, he got angry and defensive and didn't remotely address the words I said. Instead of my typical reaction--getting all angry back and going on and on about this, that, and the other thing--I simply and calmly said that his silence on the topic speaks volumes, it doesn't seem like he WANTS to fix anything yet, and I can't handle the back and forth, roller coaster life anymore and I don't think I want to go to a meeting with him and spend one day with him just to have it all go back to the way it has been right after. I love him but it hurts too much. I got silence. Fine. I'm calm and okay with that. His choice. Out of my hands.
I've also been handling my brother's most recent issues a lot better than I have in the past. I explained what happened to my other brother and I then let it go. I told the addict brother that I think he should get himself into rehab and left it.
I really, truly don't think I would have come this far (if I'm not deluding myself) without SR. I know I said this before on another thread, but I really feel so grateful to you all...to this board. I'm starting to feel like myself again and I'm realizing that I can survive on my own and that is better than living in the misery I was in for months. Life is so short and we only get one chance, or so we think. I just don't want to use mine sitting inside crying anymore.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You definitely have a skip in your step today and it sounds like you feel much better.
You have made so much positive progress, and I am sure there have been some difficult days too, just keep your eye on the path and you will be fine.
Hugs
You have made so much positive progress, and I am sure there have been some difficult days too, just keep your eye on the path and you will be fine.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Over here.
Posts: 369
I don't intend to let my guard down one bit. I just feel a little more energetic and motivated. I even managed to catch up on some overdue paperwork and my supervisor was very happy with me today. For once. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((mstrust)) - Wow, do you sound great! I know, all too well, about letting our guard down but the beautiful part of recovery is we can be aware of possible pitfalls, we just don't let them run our life any more. I lived, for so long, waiting for the "other shoe to drop" that it took me a while to get used to NOT thinking about it. Sounds like you are handling it quite well
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roanoke va
Posts: 3
Good luck mstrust! I haven't attended any meetings yet but I'm thinking about it. I was sober 9 days and slipped up last night. These online sites have helped me so much and being able to relate to people such as yourself makes me feel like I'm not so alone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Congrats on giving up the pot. Giving up cigarettes will make you feel much better. I started running when I gave up cigarettes; set a goal for myself and did the couch 2 5K program. You should check it out. The running helped with the cravings. I didn't even want to smoke because running felt so good. Look it up on google. It's a great program. It's free. And it's very confidence building. I shocked myself by actually sticking with it and now I can run 5K!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
