Jennirey

I remain very angry and resentful to my RAD's AExBF.. He hid her problem and and was malicious and controlling and sometimes abusive to her, and possibly drugged her once when she broke her foot after falling down stairs in his house, He refused to let her get a job, go to rehab.. played emotional blackmail with her while she was actively using..,

The AExBF is an ex Heroin addict, and constantly flips out on her, and to make matters worse.. his parents have money -- lots of it.. He lives in their house and uses (pot, shooting up benzo's, other opiates, you name it just not heroine), he occasionally goes to Canada and gets ******** treatments.

So when my daughter came along, his parents let her stay there through most of her active addiction.. How could they not know.. The dad is an anesthesiologist, and the mother a Nurse anesthesiologist. My daughter was the pacifier they sought for their son, as long as she was around.. he was not abusive.. controlling, to them.. At the time my daughter came around, they had practically wrung their hands of him.. except for supporting his every need and then some.. It was an easy place for her to be while in active addiction.. He has a trust fund and received 200$ twice a week... They even went so far as bailing my daughter out of jail twice.. I have no respect for either of his parents.. and am very resentful, that they put my daughters safety below appeasing their freak of a son.

So when she got out of rehab, and was singing the tune that she was done with him, could not trust him.. etc.. The parents had since moved the adult son to another state.. I was happy that he was not near enough to wreck her rehab..

She has been doing pretty good with her recovery, meetings, therapists, psychiatric visits, staying on her suboxone..etc...


So recently she has been calling him.. because she is lonely and misses him..I get angry and cannot continue the conversation.. but last night she drops the bomb that she wants to go visit this freak, to see if she could ever live with him... WTF.. I have not forgotten every painful day of the last year.. what the heck kind of pull does he have on her.. She is lonely I get that.. but she is drop dead beautiful.. she could find anyone I tell you anyone. why him... I just don't understand.. I want to cry and I want to scream and I am hoping ill will will fall on this kid..I know that is crazy.. but it is what I feel right now..

Then she says she asks if I would still pay her Health Insurance if she goes there to live. I say no.. your 22 and wanting to move out of state to be with someone that does not support your recovery..

Says I am not being supportive.. I would much rather scoot my face on 2 miles of sand paper than be supportive of this freak in her life..
I told her that what ever she so chooses to do.. that's fine.. but I am not going to jump up and down and cheer for her.. I don't think it is safe and I dont think it is wise.. but if he sends her a plane ticket I am not going to stand in her way..

outtolunch

She's 22 and will live her life as she sees fit to do.

The day I realized that the only way I was going to be able to control my daughter was if I kidnapped her and held her against her will, was the begining of my own change.

Here's to hoping the guy has moved on to someone else.

JMFburns

J,

I am so sorry your daughter is feeling the old pull of a bad boyfriend. ICK!

I do know the pain of low self-esteem and staying in a relationship with an abusive person - that alone is difficult to deal with, but add in the addiction - that must be very tough for you to have to watch. Too bad she isn't further along in her recovery and that the meetings, therapists and psychiatric visits haven't given her more of a self worth.

I'll keep you and your AD in my thoughts.

laurie6781

If she were my daughter, I would tell her to discuss this in depth this
with her Sponsor, her Therapist, and her Psych Dr, that I am not the
one to ask, and they have experience and knowledge about addiction
and recovery.

Then make her decision.

She is 22.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

AndreaB

J, as an aside, I would not stop paying for her health insurance. You don't need to tell her that she is still covered. Your daughter's health insurance is really protecting you. Should she ever need medical care, I suspect that you might end up paying out of your pocket or else feel a bit guilty (not that you should of course).

outtolunch

" Back-Peddling--- I thought we had him out of our lives"

Back when, I often would use the " we" term. It was indicitive of how emeshed I was with my daughter's business, at that time.

I blamed my daughter's relapses on her BF. If only she could avoid him, all would be swell, and all that. Imagine my surprise when I met the BF's parents who blamed my daughter for their son's addictions.

The reality was that all of us were living our lives as we chose to do.
Only thing I can control is my own reaction and that's a full time job for me.