pommie

Well my AS is back in state and actually called me. He is living in another town with someone (who knows) and has a job with a temp agency which has a van that takes them to the job. He is making minimum wage and has to pay the van from this, plus the person he is living with, food, etc. Yesterday the sheriff showed up at my mom's house (this was AS last known address) looking for him. He is charged with theft by deception he cashed a $300 check that belonged to some woman. He did not show up for his court date and so now they are looking for him. I know he should turn himself in but, does anyone know how this works. He has no money so he needs a court appointed lawyer. What are the steps he takes..does he turn himself in first and they get him the lawyer? I am clueless in these matters.

outtolunch

I don't know the answers you seek and suspect it varies, state to state.

I do know that being 34-35 years old is well beyond old enough to experience the consequences of his choices. Maybe the Police will pick him up and give him the opportunity to learn first hand, how it all works.

For your own sanity, could you consider disengaging from the latest known mess and be grateful for what you don't know?

tjp613

You don't need the answers to any of these questions. It's not your problem!!! You are not the fugitive... Go... have a good day.

Kindeyes

My AS has bench warrants out on him frequently. Quite honestly, I don't do anything. It is all out of my control. If they pick him up, he'll face an arraignment and they'll give him choices. He gets the opportunity to make those choices (one of which is to have a court appointed attorney or not). He has done some stuff and he may get the opportunity to face the consequences. I use the word "opportunity" because that's what it is......if we as parents navigate the issues with them or for them, we rob them of the opportunity to learn on their own.

gentle hugs
ke

FredG

As an alcoholic I can only re-state what has already been stated. My issues, legal or otherwise, were mine alone. It was my choice to ignore court dates, knowing full well that bench warrants would be sworn. To have family or friends solve issues like this for me was like telling me that it was OK for me to do it again.

The term is 'enabling'

pommie

I get what you are all saying, but I have my Mother who deals with him and I feel so bad cause she calls me all upset with all this stuff. I have told her I am one step away from telling her not to call me with this stuff, but then I feel guilty because he is my son not hers.

When I did talk to him Sunday I could see how she gets drawn in cause everything is not his fault, he has an excuse for everything I was feeling so bad when I got off the phone but then I remembered how this has been going on for years and got my head on straight again.

Thank you for the straight talk.

suki44883

You cannot control your mother any more than you can control your son. You CAN have serenity for yourself, but you will have to refuse to have anything to do with your son's problems. If that means cutting your mother off when the conversation turns in that direction, then that's what you will have to do. We are each responsible for our own actions and that includes your mother.